It's been a very strange week in Toronto this last week.  We've only just recently apprehended a sociopath (well, not necessarily from Toronto but whatever) and experienced a shooting in our large downtown mall on Saturday evening in the food court of all places.
It's left me feeling empty and sad all at the same time.  I don't want to think that there are people out there who are capable of acting with forethought in such a cold blooded manner.  I want to believe that we have something better in us.  I still do believe that in fact.  I believe that we have a choice most of the time about that.
The strange, terrifying and also awesome part of this is that someone I went to McGill with was in that food court with his family.  His wife had gone to the washroom with their baby girl and he was eating with his 3 yr old son when the shooting began.  You can read his eye-witness account here, here or here.  Bobby has had a ton of interviews since the event.  It's pretty weird seeing Bobby's face and hearing Bobby's voice everywhere.  I ate breakfast to Bobby's voice just the other day.  Bobby's Facebook updates were what initially informed me of the whole incident.  I've been keeping an eye on Bobby's updates ever since and it's been interesting to see the dialogue.  Of course most friends are just happy that Bobby and his family are safe and together.  What intrigued me though was a comment about it being time now for Bobby to relocate to the burbs.  Of course the person was completely well meaning and it's understandable to write a suggestion like that after such a bizarre incident.  Bobby's response was that in no way was this incident an indication to him that he should uproot both his and his family's life because of something that he considers a random and not to be repeated incident.  He refuses to make serious life decisions based solely on a fear of what might happen in the future.  A lot of people, myself included, 'liked' his response.
I think this is a perfect opportunity, not just as Torontonians but as planet dwellers,  to be determined about a good life wherever you choose to live it.  Being the good people that we are and that we can be.  Things are going to happen, they will.  Anywhere and everywhere.  But there is still good.  And good things will happen too.  People still care about each other.  We can make good things happen.


Part of my therapy the day after this event was to bake.  I was a little distracted.  I was trying to do too much 'cause it helped me somehow to keep busy.  In my foggy haste I forgot to add eggs to the cake the first time I made it.  Duh.  The cake was really really crumbly and dry.  Yuck.


Since my freezer has more than a few bananas to get rid of and my energy level was still pretty intense I decided to just dive into round 2.  This time I won.


Whole Wheat Banana Cake adapted from 'More with Less'
makes 1 9x9 cake

1 cup all purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat pastry flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 cup thinly sliced or mashed bananas
3/4 cup sour milk, combined with 1 tsp baking soda


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Grease and flour a 9x9 cake pan and set aside.
Combine both flours, the baking powder, nutmeg, cinnamon and salt together in a bowl.  Mix and set aside.
Combine the soured milk and the tsp of baking soda.  Mix and set aside.
Beat together the sugar and softened butter until light and fluffy.  Add the eggs and continue to beat until the mixture is light and fluffy.  Add in the mashed bananas and mix well.
Add half the flour mixture and mix into the butter/egg mixture until the flour is incorporated.  Add half the milk mixture and stir well.  Add the rest of the milk mixture and stir until the milk is fully incorporated into the batter.  Add the rest of the flour mixture and stir well.
Once the flour is mixed into the batter completely, pour it all into the prepared baking pan.  Spread out evenly.
Bake for about 40 - 45 minutes (I turned mine around half way through baking) or until a cake tester comes out clean.
Cool for about 10 minutes before cutting.

I'm thinking that the transformation is nearing 'critical mass' for me.  Well... 'nearing'.
 - I'm barely in a grocery store anymore.  When I am there the place feels almost stressful.  Have you ever thought about how much stuff is there?  Damn, it's so overwhelming.
 - I've got my little garden going.  Who knows how much stuff I'm going to get from it over the summer but it's always worth it.  In fact I have little potato plants breaking through the ground.
 - The local farmers market has started up - hello great cheese and sausage too ;-)
 - I'm scheming about this summer's canning already.  Going through my books and figuring myself out.  I'm going to buy an outdoor burner and reusable sealing lids as well.  More tomatoes/Less Pears... that kind of thing.

 I'm also seriously pondering how lucky I am.  I have so many fantastic options.  I can choose to grow food - as much as I want.
 - I have the choice to go to the market and to any number of small, local places that are committed to good, local food choices.
 - I have summer's free to do all this stuff.
 - I have a job that allows me (with some sacrifices albeit) to choose to eat the way I believe in.  I'm lucky.    I'm fortunate.  And I hope that I never forget it.

My approach to recipes has changed completely over the last two years as well.  I look at recipes on blogs or in cookbooks and think about how the combinations of food make no sense.  How can I have zucchini bread in the middle of winter?  How can I make strawberry cake in March?  Why am I serving  fresh tomato whatever in January.  The answer may well be that wherever that book or post is coming from has a longer or completely different growing season.  D's Mom for example has no concept of the growing season here in Canada.  She's from Trinidad and the growing season there is endless.  There is just very few things that are only available at certain times of year.  Here in Canada though I can only get fiddleheads for a couple of weeks or asparagus for maybe 3 - 4 weeks.  Rhubarb... well it's a little longer but then it's done.  It makes me so thankful for the beautiful things like rhubarb that make the spring so special.


I mixed these muffins with blueberries because a) the recipe did as well and b) I have last years wild blueberries still to finish in my freezer.  Otherwise, it would have been all rhubarb all the time.  Some of these muffins are going off to a family member who needs some 'cheering up' but otherwise they are staying right here with me.



Rhubarb and Blueberry Muffins adapted from 'Taste of Home' magazine

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
1 lg egg
1/2 cup (full) milk
1 scant cup each rhubarb (chopped) and blueberries
Streusel - find the recipe here

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
Line about 10 muffin tin cups with paper or silicon liners.

In a bowl combine the flour, baking powder and salt.  Mix and set aside.
In another bowl beat together the butter and sugar until combined and light.  Add the egg and beat until light and fluffy.
Add the Flour and milk alternately to the butter/egg mixture beginning and ending with flour.
Fold the fruit gently into the batter.
Scoop the batter into the muffin cups.  Fill each cup just to the rim.  I got 9 in all.
Sprinkle each muffin with about 1 tbsp of streusel.
Bake for about 20 - 25 minutes.