It's Tuesday people, we can do this. Despite it feeling like it must be the longest week of the year. Despite feeling like winter is probably going to last forever. Even though you're pretty sure that you might never see a real, on the vine tomato ever again. We can do this. We're gonna own this week.  
I've determined, after a week of near anxiety attacks and endless frustration, to remain as 'up' as humanly possible while acknowledging the the end of january/early february time of year is about as hard as it gets.  It took drinks with my best friend (not quite enough drinks but it was a start) and over 12 straight hours cocooned in my bed to get myself back in working condition. 


Once I got myself straightened out I was able to focus. I caught up with some of my favourite blogs.  Chicken Tender is one of those blogs that just makes my day.  I love the sincerity of the struggle and the honesty in the journey.  Chandelle posted one of those 'Friday Links'  craziness, kinda things and I've been thoroughly engrossed in taking it all in.  I always love her links but this whole post in particular struck some chords.  For example, the 'I'm a Mom and I'm stoned right now' was absolutely hilarious.  I don't read Jezebel enough and it was good to get that reminder.  There was another article linked about diet and how our 'low fat/calories in vs. calories out diet craze over the last 30 years has successfully distracted women from fully accepting and appreciating themselves and everyone around them.  Then there was another article linked which was written by a writer I love but have to read in careful portions because otherwise I want to kill myself.  It seems that Chandelle feels the same way... *sigh of relief* it's so good to feel like you're not alone.  Seriously, catching those links was better than reading the newspaper for me.  It's almost like you can hear the birds singing again... hope and lightness.
I also checked out one of my favourite tattoo artists.  I wish that I lived closer to Portland so that I could get some of her work.  She's always adding cool new pictures and making me want to do this tattoo thing all over again.  You can feel some of the snow melting around you.  
Both Monday and today I forced myself back on my bike and rode to work.  Damn it was cold but I felt human and free.  The sun shone a little brighter (well, I'm sure that it did behind the clouds somewhere).  


Then I made cookies.  Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Because when you are feeling like you at the end of everything that is good and right in the world, chocolate chip cookies are what you need.  Maybe it's the chocolate.  Maybe it's the sugar.  I don't know and right now I don't care.  I only eat.  I made these with a goodly portion of red fife flour and they were great.  I'm using the past tense because they're gone already.  And rightly so.  They won't last long with whole wheat flour so if you know you can eat them all then throw some in a freezer bag for later or make the dough balls and freeze them before baking so that you can pull them out and change your February into May anytime you like.  Take that in the face, Tuesday.  

Kid #2: The Self Portrait #2

Whole Wheat, Chocolate Chip Cookies adapted from 'Good to the Grain'
makes about 3 dozen medium sized cookies

2 cups whole wheat or red fife flour
1 cup unbleached, all purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp instant espresso powder (could be added to the wet mix too)
1/2 tsp cinnamon

1 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla OR scrap out the seeds from one vanilla bean
6 oz dark or bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
2 oz cocoa nibs OR just use more dark chocolate

Preheat oven to 350°F.
Line a cookie sheet with parchment or a silicon liner and set aside.

Combine both flours, baking powder, baking soda, salt, espresso powder and cinnamon together in a bowl.  Mix and set aside.
In another bowl beat together the butter and both sugars until light and fluffy (you can use a hand or stand mixer for this).  Gradually add the eggs one at a time mixing completely after each one.  Add in the vanilla or vanilla bean and continue to mix.
Slowly add the flour to the butter mixture - if using a mixer do it slowly so that the flour doesn't fly everywhere - and mix well until all the flour is mixed completely with the butter mixture.  Add in the chocolate and the cocoa nibs and stir to mix.
Use about 1 1/2 tbsp of cookie dough and form into a ball.  Place on the prepared cookie sheet and make sure there is a little room for the cookies to spread.
Bake for about 12 minutes (in my oven - the recipe called for about 16 min. so I would check after about 12 and if they need longer then go from there.  I totally lost one whole try of cookies because they burned on the bottom - sad face)
Remove the cookies from the cookie sheet and cool on a wire rack.  Store in an airtight container.