Ladies and Gentleman:  As I told you at the beginning of this week, we would not hold you any longer than necessary.  I have some good news for you all.  We do not require your services for Valentine's Day.  Nor will we be needing your services on Friday.  Ladies and Gentleman, Thank you so much - Your Jury Duty services at this court are officially finished. 

That was probably the best paragraph that I've heard since, oh I don't know... maybe 'Will you marry me?' or 'It's a girl' or 'It's a boy'.  Ok seriously.  Not as good as those sentences but almost as good.  Yes all you kind and gentle folk, I have finished jury duty.  And what a saga it was.  I nearly got to the serious selection interview on Monday but dodged that bullet by two people.  On Tuesday we had a fire alarm which meant that a good portion of the morning was spent outside (did I mention that I live in Toronto... CANADA.  It's not especially balmy this time of year) because once we were allowed back into the building we all had to go through security again.  All 300 or so of us.  Today we had a repeat performance of the fire alarm so you can guess how my morning went.  Combine that with a last minute choir needed on Tuesday and then Ash Wednesday services today, it's been a crazy time.
I was so relieved that it was all over that I treated myself to a mini-cupcake from this bakery and whatever else you do in life DO NOT check the calorie count on these bad boys because that's just a frustrating way to live your life.  I meant to get a picture of my mini's but I didn't because I ate them.

In other news, my school is going to Rome.  This is a big deal because it's our 75th anniversary and it's ROME.  We're singing for the Pope... wait, what... hold the phone.  As of the end of February guess what... we have no Pope.  He stepped down.  Now historically men usually die in the post, either of natural causes or... hmmm, unnatural.  The last time a Pope stepped down the Pope elected after him put him in a dungeon until he died.  That puts us squarely back to the death thing again.  We've been assured that a new Pope will be in place by Easter, (and that our present Pope will not be spending any time in a dungeon) ensuring that we will be the first to perform for him. So essentially what was originally deemed a disaster has transformed into possibly the best thing for our school in 75 years.  Silver Lining.
In yet other news, tomorrow is Valentines day and if you know me either in person or through this blog then you know that I don't give a S*^%.  I'm not anti-valentine's day or anything, I just don't care.  I have not spent my spare time making heart shaped anything.  I have not bought a card for anyone.  I will not be going out for dinner tomorrow evening (blech - the worst night of the year) but if I was offered a bottle of Veuve then I wouldn't refuse (who would).  I won't be giving or receiving any chocolates or baubles of any kind and nothing either pink or red will be worn by me.  Not because I hate it but because I don't care.


I made ginger cookies... boring, I know.  With whole wheat flour... ahh - even more boring.  I put white chocolate in them... ok, less boring.  But they were really really really good.  The catch that I'm finding with using whole wheat flour is that things don't last as long.  You'll get a couple of days out of these and then they're done.  They get pretty hard but not hard enough that they can't be hammered to pieces and sprinkled on vanilla ice cream.  Silver Lining.


Red Fife Ginger Cookies with White Chocolate Chunks adapted from 'Good to the Grain'
makes about 3 dozen

1 cup unbleached, all purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat (I used Red Fife) flour
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp ginger
3/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp cloves
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 cup butter, melted
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup unsulphured molasses
1 egg
2 tbsp ginger, freshly grated
6 oz white chocolate coarsely chopped
1/2 cup (or so) coarse sugar for coating

Combine both flours, baking soda, salt, ginger, cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg together.  Mix and set aside.
Combine the melted butter, both sugars, molasses, egg and grated ginger together.  Whisk to mix well.  Add the flour mixture.  Mix until it forms a batter.  Add in the white chocolate.  Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least two hours and up to 24.
Preheat the oven to 350°F.
Line a cookie sheet with parchment or a silicon liner.
Pour the coarse sugar (I use fairly course white sugar anyway so I just used what I had) into a bowl.
Using about 1 1/2 tbsp of dough + Chocolate Chunk and form into a ball and roll the ball through the sugar until it's coated.
Place the cookie balls on the cookie sheet.  Bake for about 10 - 12 minutes for soft cookies (14 minutes for crunchier cookies) - turning about halfway.
Cool on a rack before digging in.

True Story: Tomorrow I report for Jury Duty Selection.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that.  I don't know what it even means really.  I've spoken with some people who showed up, were present for about 4 hrs and then were sent home 'Thank You Very Much'.  Others I've talked to have been there for a few days.  Others have gotten selected for trials that are months down the road.
Everyone has some advice on what to say during the interview - not even sure how much of an interview it is - or what not to say.  One person told me that it was a wonderful life experience for her friend (not she, herself) and that this could be an enriching moment for me.  I'll get back to you on that one.  I suspect that the reality will be quite boring, the interview may be more about whether the judge thinks my eyes are too close together or my nose too small than it will be about my character.  So after some thought I've decided on some things that I'm definitely not going to do:
1.  Pretend that I don't speak english.
2.  Ask whether I can take my medication while being seated in the jury box.
3.  Ask the judge if he's single.
4.  Pretend I voted for the Rhino party if asked my political affiliation.
5.  Wear a shirt which makes my tattoo visible.
6.  Offer to communicate with deceased relatives of the judge.

What I will do:
1.  Answer questions honestly.
2.  Bring a book.
3.  Not turn off my cell phone.
4.  Bring a lunch with me.
5.  Do whatever I need to do to make sure that I don't start to panic.



I'm not sure what's doin' this week as a result of everything above.  I've cooked up a storm to make sure that we have lots hanging around just in case.  Today I've made bread, ginger cookies with white chocolate, creamy orzo with roasted butternut squash and this.  This is something that I expected to be creamed veggies topped with a layer of crusty polenta.  What happened in real life is that the whole thing kinda baked into one thing.  What I might do if I try this concoction again is sauté slices of the polenta on each side before placing on top of the veggies.  I think that this might keep it from becoming part of the creamy stuff.  Not sure though.  Did it taste good?  Yup.  So the texture itself didn't deter the taste at all and the idea is a good one.  Just needs some adjusting.  The topping: Parmesan and chopped nuts made it for me.  This is a great dish to take for leftover lunches or to take to a pot luck kind of situation.  It easily makes a lot and it's pretty standard comfort food fare.

Kid #2 went to a cupcake decorating birthday party today and wanted me to add his creation to the  blog post.

Creamed Vegetables with Polenta Crust adapted from 'Simple Bites'
serves 6

1 1/2 cups Leeks, cleaned and sliced
2 cups mushrooms, quartered
3 cups chard leaves and stems, coarsely chopped
2 1/2 cups milk, warm
4 tbsp butter
1/3 cup all purpose flour
2 tsp salt
1 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 cup cheddar, shredded

1 1/2 cups coarse polenta (cornmeal)
6 cups stock (I used water with 'no salt' vegetable bouillon cubes added)
2 tsp salt
2 tbsp butter

1/3 cup parmesan cheese, grated
1/4 cup chopped nuts

For Polenta:
Bring the stock to a boil in a med/large heavy bottomed pot.  Turn the heat down to medium/low.
Add in the cornmeal and whisk continuously. Continue to cook, whisking regularly, for about 30 minutes.
Once the the cornmeal has thickened nicely add in the salt and butter.  Stir to mix.  Pour onto a baking sheet lined with parchment or a silicon liner and spread the polenta out evenly.  Refrigerate until it firms up to be sliceable - it will keep for 2 or 3 days.
For the Sauce:
Heat a heavy bottomed pot over medium heat.
Add in the butter, letting it melt completely.  Once the butter is melted and heated add in the flour and whisk it into the butter.  Continue for a minute or two.  Add in the warmed milk slowly, whisking constantly.  Once all the milk is added and there are no lumps, bring it to a slow boil and whisk until it thickens (should not take long).  Once thickened, turn the heat down to low and add in the salt, Worcestershire, nutmeg, cream  and cheddar.  Once the cheddar has melted in take the sauce off the stove.
Preheat oven to 350°F.
Butter a 9x13 inch baking dish.
Throw the vegetables - all of them - in the bottom of the baking dish.
Pour the Sauce over the vegetables.
Cut the polenta into rectangles to fit on top of the vegetables.
Top with a little extra shredded cheddar.
Bake for about 40 - 45 minutes or until the top is bubbly and turning golden brown.
Before serving sprinkle the casserole with the freshly grated parmesan and the chopped nuts.

It's Tuesday people, we can do this. Despite it feeling like it must be the longest week of the year. Despite feeling like winter is probably going to last forever. Even though you're pretty sure that you might never see a real, on the vine tomato ever again. We can do this. We're gonna own this week.  
I've determined, after a week of near anxiety attacks and endless frustration, to remain as 'up' as humanly possible while acknowledging the the end of january/early february time of year is about as hard as it gets.  It took drinks with my best friend (not quite enough drinks but it was a start) and over 12 straight hours cocooned in my bed to get myself back in working condition. 


Once I got myself straightened out I was able to focus. I caught up with some of my favourite blogs.  Chicken Tender is one of those blogs that just makes my day.  I love the sincerity of the struggle and the honesty in the journey.  Chandelle posted one of those 'Friday Links'  craziness, kinda things and I've been thoroughly engrossed in taking it all in.  I always love her links but this whole post in particular struck some chords.  For example, the 'I'm a Mom and I'm stoned right now' was absolutely hilarious.  I don't read Jezebel enough and it was good to get that reminder.  There was another article linked about diet and how our 'low fat/calories in vs. calories out diet craze over the last 30 years has successfully distracted women from fully accepting and appreciating themselves and everyone around them.  Then there was another article linked which was written by a writer I love but have to read in careful portions because otherwise I want to kill myself.  It seems that Chandelle feels the same way... *sigh of relief* it's so good to feel like you're not alone.  Seriously, catching those links was better than reading the newspaper for me.  It's almost like you can hear the birds singing again... hope and lightness.
I also checked out one of my favourite tattoo artists.  I wish that I lived closer to Portland so that I could get some of her work.  She's always adding cool new pictures and making me want to do this tattoo thing all over again.  You can feel some of the snow melting around you.  
Both Monday and today I forced myself back on my bike and rode to work.  Damn it was cold but I felt human and free.  The sun shone a little brighter (well, I'm sure that it did behind the clouds somewhere).  


Then I made cookies.  Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Because when you are feeling like you at the end of everything that is good and right in the world, chocolate chip cookies are what you need.  Maybe it's the chocolate.  Maybe it's the sugar.  I don't know and right now I don't care.  I only eat.  I made these with a goodly portion of red fife flour and they were great.  I'm using the past tense because they're gone already.  And rightly so.  They won't last long with whole wheat flour so if you know you can eat them all then throw some in a freezer bag for later or make the dough balls and freeze them before baking so that you can pull them out and change your February into May anytime you like.  Take that in the face, Tuesday.  

Kid #2: The Self Portrait #2

Whole Wheat, Chocolate Chip Cookies adapted from 'Good to the Grain'
makes about 3 dozen medium sized cookies

2 cups whole wheat or red fife flour
1 cup unbleached, all purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp instant espresso powder (could be added to the wet mix too)
1/2 tsp cinnamon

1 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla OR scrap out the seeds from one vanilla bean
6 oz dark or bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
2 oz cocoa nibs OR just use more dark chocolate

Preheat oven to 350°F.
Line a cookie sheet with parchment or a silicon liner and set aside.

Combine both flours, baking powder, baking soda, salt, espresso powder and cinnamon together in a bowl.  Mix and set aside.
In another bowl beat together the butter and both sugars until light and fluffy (you can use a hand or stand mixer for this).  Gradually add the eggs one at a time mixing completely after each one.  Add in the vanilla or vanilla bean and continue to mix.
Slowly add the flour to the butter mixture - if using a mixer do it slowly so that the flour doesn't fly everywhere - and mix well until all the flour is mixed completely with the butter mixture.  Add in the chocolate and the cocoa nibs and stir to mix.
Use about 1 1/2 tbsp of cookie dough and form into a ball.  Place on the prepared cookie sheet and make sure there is a little room for the cookies to spread.
Bake for about 12 minutes (in my oven - the recipe called for about 16 min. so I would check after about 12 and if they need longer then go from there.  I totally lost one whole try of cookies because they burned on the bottom - sad face)
Remove the cookies from the cookie sheet and cool on a wire rack.  Store in an airtight container.

The house is quiet.  Amazingly, Blessedly quiet.  I've been longing for quiet lately.  It's a craving in my gut.  I can't think of a time in my life when the noise of life has felt like such a heavy weight to bear.  At 6:30 p.m. last evening I went to my room - like a teenager.  I went there by myself.  I curled up in bed and read some.  Then my eyes felt heavy and I let myself doze a little.  After that I read some more.  I didn't feel like eating more than I felt like staying put.  So I stayed put.  Every time the door to my room opened the noise felt deafening, jarring.  I didn't want to interact. No questions, thank you very much, because I'll feel coerced to answer.  No music.  No voices from a computer screen or tv coming at me.  I even turned a fan on in my room so that I couldn't hear anything from the floor below.  I stayed in my room until 8:30 a.m. this morning.
I'm not sure if I'm an extrovert or an introvert and to be quite frank, I don't care.  I get impatient with labels (I'm remembering, back in the early nineties, a friend of mine peddling and pushing personality tests like doing it would get me into heaven) because I think that it can prevent us from truly listening to our 'self' and to what we need at any given time.  It can also excuse a hell of a lot of behaviour that we should in all honesty seek to change.  So this weekend I'm an introvert.  Next weekend or even tomorrow, I might be an extrovert.  Maybe not today but on another day and in a moment of gritty honesty I would tell you that I'm some of both and that I think we all are.  I would also add that it's probably really important that we are all some combination of both.  Can we allow this duality to exist within our 'self' (I'm not sure why I'm putting that word into quotes but it seems like the right thing to do at this moment).


Admittedly, I'm not comfortable with duality.  We've been socially conditioned for generations now to avoid it.  All black or white.  Not a blend and never both.  It's wrong politically.  It's wrong religiously. It's wrong morally... and all that.  I'm working on relearning those ideas.  I'm working on feeling okay about how much I squirm when faced with it.  I'm working on embracing the idea of needing that duality.  We need to have both right and left in our society and in ourselves.  We need each other.  We need the happy and the sad, the good and the bad.  It gives us the depths of feeling, emotion and appreciation that connect us together.  We need *ahem* the black and the white.  And we need the quiet and the loud. Today I'm happily hugging up the quiet.  We're drinking each other in with gusto.


There are certain constants for me though and the desire to get my hands dirty both outside in the garden and inside the kitchen doesn't change.  Whatever the emotional place I'm in, the getting of my hands dirty feeds it in the best of ways.  Given that my sweet potatoes were nearly on the outs and that I had been meaning to make something like this for a long time, today was the the perfect day to dive into the project.  These definitely make a winter meal and would go beautifully with some kind of braised meat.  I choose to serve mine with some winter greens and bacon.  The greens are definitely a must, the bacon definitely optional.  I've cooked up enough for all of us to have a taste and then I put the rest (uncooked) into the freezer.  I still didn't feel much like eating today but I did down some of these and I'm the better for it.


Sweet Potato Gnocchi adapted from Aida Mollencamp
serves 6 - 8

3 med sized sweet potatoes, halved
2 med/sm russet potatoes, halved
oil of choice
2 tsp + a sprinkling of salt
dash or two of pepper
1/2 cup parmesan, grated
1 egg, beaten
1/2 cup whole wheat (or Red Fife) flour
1 - 1 1/2 cups unbleached, all purpose flour

Heat oven to 350°F.
Rub the halved sweet potato and regular potatoes with oil, sprinkle with salt and roast on a roasting pan for about 30 minutes or until soft.  Remove from oven and cool.  Scoop the insides of the sweet potatoes and potatoes into a bowl.  Mash with a masher, forks or a hand blender (that's what I used).
Add in the 2 tsp of salt and a dash or two of pepper.  Mix and add the parmesan cheese, beaten egg, the whole wheat flour and about 3/4 - 1 cup of all purpose flour.  Mix well.  If the dough is still damp but doesn't stick to your hand then it's fine and you don't need to add any more flour.
Turn out onto a lightly floured surface.  Form the dough into a square(ish) kind of shape and slice into about 8 logs.  Flour your hands and roll the log out until it's about 1/2 - 3/4 inch in diameter.  Slice into about 1 1/2 inch long pieces.  You can roll each piece with the fork tines or leave them as is.
[At this point you can place the pieces on a cookie sheet and freeze.  Once the pieces are frozen then you can put them into freezer bags - you might want to do this if you won't be eating them all at one time.  Once the gnocchi are cooked they don't keep.
You can also refrigerate for a few hours and bring to room temperature before cooking. ]
Bring a med/large pot of water to a boil.  Once boiling add a dash of salt.  Add the gnocchi to the boiling water and simmer for about 6 minutes.  The gnocchi will resemble the texture of dumplings at this point.
Have sauce ready.
Remove gnocchi from the simmering water with a slotted spoon and toss in the sauce that's ready.
Pour the gnocchi onto a plate and sprinkle with a little more parmesan cheese.
Serve.

Brown Butter Sauce
will do about half of the gnocchi

1/4 cup butter
1/8 - 1/4 cup onion, finely chopped
12 (or so) fresh sage leaves

Heat a heavy bottomed sauce pan over med heat.  Add the butter and onion.  Continue to simmer the butter over medium heat.  Add the sage leaves for about 2 minutes and then remove with a slotted spoon.  Once the butter starts to turn brown then turn the heat down.
Toss with the gnocchi and add in the sage leaves.

I'm writing this post while waiting for Kid #1 to get herself to the shower.  This sounds utterly backwards but, if you can believe it, I've scheduled it with her since last night.  Twenty four hours later and my frustration is reaching proportions.  It feels like I'm forcing a dog into soapy water.  You have to hold the dog there, getting yourself thoroughly wet and soapy in the process, just to get it done.  Admittedly, there are many things about twelve year olds that I find perplexing and, as a parent, infuriating.
Here are a few of the things that I find absolutely confusing:
Sleeping - We don't sleep at night, we sleep in the morning.  Unless it's a weekday and then we must get up at 6:15.  If, by some strange fluke, our alarm does not go off and we wake up at 7 a.m. then we must run downstairs in tears using our loudest foot stomp and wailing about how our Mother (saint that she is) was supposed to wake us up because she must know that we get up at 6:15 EVERYDAY.
Eating - We eat all of the meals served to us by our saintly and gorgeous Mother (except maybe breakfast if we've slept in and are very upset) but we also eat snacks.  Lots of snacks. And we like to eat them right after our meal.  Or before our meal.  Or anytime.  We get our own snacks.  We never get our own meals.
Cleaning - Since we have to do our own laundry we choose to simply not do it.  Unless of course, we are threatened with the loss of something we hold dear.  Smelly clothes, especially underthings, do not factor into our decision about when laundry is necessary to do.  The same logic applies to cleaning our room (i.e. 'mess' is not a factor in deciding how much and when we clean) and generally any mess we make throughout the house.
Dress - 90% not important mostly because all of our clothes (decent or otherwise) are either in our dirty clothes hamper, on our floor or under our bed.  It is 99% probably that you will not find any article of clothing that we actually wear either on a hanger or folded and in a drawer.


I could go on but I think that you get my point.  Do I remember being twelve, you ask.  A little.  I remember wearing winter clothes in the middle of the summer (hot summer) because I liked how they felt on my body. (Pin Stripe Jeans were the thing)  I remember eating a whole bag of chips after school.  I remember having incredible amounts of energy when I was with my friends and being overwhelmingly lethargic once I got home.  I do have a certain level of understanding and I know that this is a phase.   Just for the record, I'm ready for the phase to pass so that we can move on to thirteen and see what that holds.
While I wait impatiently I'm making bread.  Bread helps with patience.  It doesn't require heavy labour or deep thought.  Just patience.  That's just what I needed last weekend.  I'm pretty sure that I've posted copious amounts of bread with oatmeal and honey on this blog.  I'm going to justify my repetition by telling you that making this bread made a goodly portion of my day feel a little more sane.  The calmness that it provided my addled nerves with allowed me to complete everything that I needed to with a smile and a sense of balance.  That alone makes it worth posting... and I think that I finally hear the shower running.


Oatmeal Red Fife Bread adapted from 'Good to the Grain'
makes 1 large loaf

2 1/2 cup whole wheat or red fife flour
2 cups unbleached, all purpose flour or bread flour
1 cup rolled oats
1 tbsp salt
2 cups warm water
2 1/4 tsp (1 pkg) dry yeast
1 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp unsulphured molasses
2 heaping tbsp honey
1/4 cup unsalted butter, melted

Combine the flours, rolled oats and salt together and set aside.  (Since I am kneading by hand I kept about a 1/2 cup of the all purpose flour back to save for kneading - if you are using a mixer then you don't need to do this)
Combine the warm water, sugar and yeast together.  Mix and set aside in a draft free spot to bloom (or you could do this in the bottom of the bowl of your stand mixer if you are using one) for about 10 minutes.  It should be bubbly, yeasty smelling and have risen somewhat.
Once the yeast has bloomed combine the flour mixture, the yeast mixture and the melted butter.  Mix together using a wooden spoon until everything is incorporated.  Cover with a clean cloth and set aside for 30 minutes.
After 30 minutes, start kneading the bread  - by hand: adding the reserved flour as needed for about 10 - 15 min./by machine: adding tablespoon or two if the dough gets sticky for about 6 min. on medium.  The dough should be slightly tacky and soft.
Place the dough in a buttered/greased stainless steel or glass bowl.  Cover and let rise for about an hour (or until doubled in size) in a draft free spot.
To form the dough: Butter/grease a large loaf pan OR line a baking sheet with parchment or a silicon liner.
Punch down the dough and form into a loaf sized log and place in the loaf pan OR into a dome shape and place on the parchment or silicon.  Cover with a clean cloth and place in a draft free spot to rise for about an hour (dough should have risen half it's size again and be just over the edge of the loaf pan)
After about an hour preheat the oven to 400°F.
Bake for about 40 minutes (rotating once through the baking) until the bread is dark on the top.  Use the knock test (the bread should sound hollow if you knock it).
Cool completely before slicing.

There are times in your life when you just need chocolate.
(Disclaimer: Some serious self-congratulation is about to ensue)
Today was one of those days.  In fact, the whole weekend was 'one of those days'.  It started on Saturday.  Kid #1 was having a birthday party (her birthday is at the very end of December - like the 31st of - which is not a good day to celebrate anything other than the end of one year and the beginning of another) with 3 friends.  They were coming over to take over the main floor of our house - watch movies, make pizza and have some space to themselves.  That's all good.  I made sure that before anyone arrived I had finished my workout for the day, gotten breakfast done with, made pizza dough, gotten the tomato sauce ready and had the house in order.  D, Kid #2 and I then made a quick getaway out of the house until the early evening.


Today I was having some serious cravings for a house all to myself.  A place to curl up and read or look outside and think, to experience some quiet and calm.  What I got was making fresh waffles for the girls (one of the party attendees slept over) and kid #2.  Making bread (recipe to follow very soon). Have 3 kids play nerf gun through my house.  Getting a run in (8k today, thank jeebus for sunshine and bearable temperatures) and then... going to have a leisurely and quiet lunch with KT... oops scratch that... dealing with Kid #1 who is getting frantic because her afternoon mall date with a friend is not happening.  Wait, she's not sure because they talked about it last Monday and it was happening.  Wait, I'm sure she'll be here any second.  Wait - Ahhhhh, WHY ISN'T SHE HERE.  Wait.  I don't have her phone number because we only email.  WHY DOESN'T SHE EMAIL ME BACK.
So what happened is I ran out the door stuff two still slightly warm cookies into my mouth just for the endorphin rush.  I arrived at my lunch late and frustrated (thank you for my long suffering best friend who takes me at my worst).  Was joined about 1 hr later by Kid #1 so that she and I could wander around the mall together.  I love my kid immensely but I have to admit that my idea of quality time with her does not consist of wandering around a store, let alone a store that calls itself 'Forever21'.  Because my kid got stood up, I decided to be the adult and help her feel better.  It worked for her but I came home feeling slightly nauseous, very tired and entirely frustrated.  The worst part is that I didn't even get to fully enjoy those two, still warm, cookies.  These cookies deserve to be savoured and not stuffed down your gullet so that you can get a quick 'happy' rush.  So with an evening tea I decided to enjoy two more of those cookies.  I savoured and closed my eyes and pretended that the house was mine.  I pretended that if I opened my eyes that the toy area would tranform into a lovely office space and that if I so desired, I could lie down on my couch and watch a movie of MY choosing.  The cookies helped me go there.


If you've ever wondered if whole wheat and chocolate might work in a cookie together, wonder no more.  They do.  This cookie had none of the 'granola' feel that I would have expected from something whole wheat.  I would highly recommend the cocoa nibs.  I ordered mine online a couple of years ago and this is the first recipe where they've gotten some use.  They do add something tangible here.
Here's to long suffering best friends who walk around a mall with you even when it's the last thing they want to do too.  Here's to knowing that maybe the next weekend will be a little more 'Wanda-friendly'.  And... Here's to some serious chocolate cookies to help get you to next Friday.


Whole Wheat, Chocolate, Chocolate Chip Cookies adapted from 'Good to the Grain'
makes about 5 dozen medium/small sized cookies

1 cup unsalted butter
8 oz dark chocolate (about 70% cocoa solids), chopped
4 eggs
2 cups sugar
1 1/2 cups Red Fife or Whole Wheat flour
1/2 cup unbleached all purpose flour
1tbsp + 1 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp espresso powder
1/4 tsp cinnamon
8 oz dark chocolate, coarsely chopped or in chunks (or chips, or whatever - it doesn't really matter at this point)
Optional: Cocoa Nibs

Melt the butter and chopped dark chocolate together in the top of a double boiler over just simmering water.  Once melted and mixed together, remove from the double boiler and set aside to cool a little (about 10 minutes is what I did with mine - just cooled enough that the eggs won't cook once they're added).
Combine the flours, baking powder, salt, espresso powder and cinnamon together and set aside.
Using a mixer or by hand beat together the eggs and the sugar until they're light and frothy - like you want to whip them.  Continue whipping for about 3 minutes (or more if you are doing it by hand).  Scrape all, All, ALL of the melted chocolate mixture into the sugar and continue whipping until combined.
Add the flour mixture to the chocolate mixture and mix well until combined.
Add the dark chocolate chunks or chips and mix well.
Refrigerate for at least 2 hrs and up to 3 days.
Preheat oven to 350°F and line a cookie sheet with parchment or a silicon liner.
Scoop about 2 tbsp's worth of dough out and form into a ball.  Dip the top of the ball in the cocoa nibs (optional) and place on the cookie sheet.
Bake for about 16 - 20 minutes depending on your oven and your cookie preferences.  (I went for 16 or so because I wanted gooey cookies so a little undercooked in the middle was fine with me)

Assumptions.  We all have them.  I certainly do.  I assume a lot of things about another person based on how they look: dressed up, dressed down, athletic shoes, Vuitton bag, under 25yrs old with highlights and lowlights, track pants, ear encompassing headphones.  I think that you get the idea.  It's completely normal to make assumptions about the people around you.  It's how we relate, connect and how we make decisions in our mind about whether it might be someone we would like to be around or not.
However, I don't often think about the assumptions people make about me.  Truthfully, I don't even think of myself as someone noticeable.  And then I had a conversation recently with a neighbour and realized,to my surprise, that the assumptions are definitely there.  Of course they are there.  I know on an intellectual level that people will look at me or have a brief conversation with me and make assumptions based on my hair, my clothes and my accoutrements.  I know this but I don't know it.  In the same way I don't think of myself relative to how other women look at the same age.  I don't think of myself as someone who looks like they might have a tattoo.  I just have one.  So I realize quickly that although my neighbour and I don't know each other very well there are certain assumptions that she's made based on the stuff she knows.


She assumes that I don't eat junk food, like, ever.
Not True.
I eat junk food.  I do.  A lot.  I eat chips.  I love (I mean LOVE) wings and beer.  I don't eat stuff like candy or gummy bears because they make my stomach feel weird.  Not because I don't like them.
She assumes that I don't feed my kids anything but homemade.
Not True.
If Kid #2 could get 'cheesy noodles' (you know that awful stuff that comes from the famous box) everyday, he would be the happiest kid on earth.  I've reached a compromise I can live with by buying somewhat 'natural', organic stuff - still from a stupid box - and letting him have it for a treat once in a while (like once or twice a month).
She assumes that I eat 'healthy' and by healthy she's thinking 'low fat'.
Not True.
I eat fat.  I eat fat in the way of butter, cream, bacon, nuts and cheese.  I don't worry about fat at all.  In fact, I welcome it.  I like it.  I eat fat because it tastes really good and I believe that it's not necessarily the fat that's bad for me - especially those fats.
My neighbour was kind of surprised I guess.  If nothing else, she was somewhat better informed about the reality of my life.  I'm guessing she thought I was a '1 tbsp of olive... only, ever' kinda girl.  In addition, I hope that she's no longer beating herself up about not feeding enough vegetables to her kids or for pulling a box out of the freezer or cupboard once in a while.
I've tried and tried to think of a way to tie this together with the recipe I'm giving you.  It's taken a lot of time and effort but I think that I've found a way.  You see, when you roast a Sunday night chicken and you've made mashed potatoes and celery root, beautiful roasted carrots and parsnips with the chicken and then gorgeous gravy out of the drippings OR if you've hustled yourself home from work and maybe bought one of those roasted chickens from the deli and you want to have something tasty but also 'healthy' (i.e. veg) to go with that - and appease your guilt just a little - then this is the recipe for you.  What takes the longest is steaming the veg.  Everything else you've probably got lying around.  You can use whatever veg you've got, if it's root veg stuff then just make sure you've steamed it until it's just softening.  A little cream, a little cheese and some bread crumbs or crumbled crackers or chips or cereal and voila....


10 Minute Winter Vegetable Gratin loosely adapted from Martha Stewart

2 - 3 cups winter squash, peeled and cubed (about 1 inch cubes will do)
2 - 3 cups kale, chard or spinach, washed and chopped
2 - 3 cups broccoli or cauliflower florets, steamed until just al dente
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
3/4 cup cheddar, shredded (any shreddable cheese will do)
1/4 cup parmesan cheese, shredded
1/3 cup bread crumbs
1/2 - 3/4 cup cream (more if needed)

Preheat oven to 375°F.
Butter a baking dish and set aside.
Toss the cubed squash in some oil, melted butter or lard just until coated.  Place on a baking sheet and spread out evenly.  Bake for about 30 - 40 minutes or until the squash is browned on the outside and soft on the inside.  Remove from oven and set aside.  (This step can be done days ahead of time as well).
Toss together the vegetables in a bowl until mixed and pour into the baking dish.
Sprinkle with salt and nutmeg.  Sprinkle on the cheddar and then the parmesan.
Sprinkle the very top with the bread crumbs.
Add the cream just until it reaches about half the volume of the vegetables.
Bake uncovered for about 35 - 45 minutes or until golden brown on the top, bubbly and cheesy but not too wet underneath.
Cool for about 10 minutes before serving.