It's been quite a week.  I wrote a few posts ago that I was feeling scared about this blog.  At one point was even looking for a way to sabotage it because I felt like it was becoming something.  I've muscled through that urge - I don't think that I'm alone in that desire to sabotage something potentially successful in one's life.  It happens all the time.
Somehow, it's easier to swallow something 'failing' because you helped it fail rather than someone or something else being the cause of the failure.  It's kinda of like it failed because I wanted it to rather than because it was crap or people didn't like it.  I denied them the opportunity before they had a chance to make a decision.  It's weird.  Remember when you were like fifteen and you 'liked' someone.  You were afraid to tell them (or maybe you weren't) because they might not or probably don't like you back.  Then when you think about it years later you think you were a twit because who cares if you told them, they shoulda had a chance to decide themselves... maybe they didn't feel like you were 'ick'.
When I came home from work earlier this week I met an email sitting on my computer.  It was from this website that I upload my recipes to called 'recipes.ca'.  They were asking if I would allow one of my recipes to stand as their recipe of the day.  It was a great feeling.  Getting recognized someway somehow is a hell of a thing.  It's giddy-making, it's addictive - I can't imagine how it would feel to win a serious award for my blog.  I don't know how I would react to that.


Meanwhile, I'm reading this book which I've been devouring like a starving animal.  It's coinciding with a work situation that's giving this book a run for it's money.  It's got me thinking though about how much of life happens in one's head.  I say this all the time to my voice students.  How you sing has more to do with how you think about singing than it has to do with any physical gift or ability.  More and more I think that statement extends to all areas of our lives.  Whether or not I can do something is really much less important than whether I think I can do it or how I can talk myself into being able to do it.  'Fake it till you make it'.  Yup - that's kinda what I'm talking about.  If I think that I can do it then eventually I'll convince myself and others around me that I can do it as well.  It's a bit of a con-game right?  I've always had that nagging feeling that I'm really faking _________ (whatever... fill in the blank) and that I'll get found out for the fraud that I am.  I'm losing that feeling though.  Confidence, age and experience are dulling that for me.
I'm not going to develop these thoughts any further at the moment 'cause I've kinda run through what's in my head and I've got bread to make... maybe more will come later.


In the glow of my recent recipes.ca boost I've gotten all fancy and made a meal that includes two dishes but that's totally worth the effort - by effort I mean more than one pot not difficulty.  The polenta (which  for some reason has always been conveyed to me as something time consuming and tricky to get) was so easy that I wonder now why I've taking so long to really go for it.  It's like cheesy savoury pudding.  The ragu... well who doesn't have a butt load of veggies needing attention right now.  It's a pretty forgiving recipe and will do with whatever you've got hanging around but I would recommend at least one vegetable that will soften and go almost mushy-like (eggplant or zucchini) and do not leave out the tomatoes.  Used canned ones if you have to but the garden or farmer's market ones will leave you breathless.


Eggplant and Tomato Ragu with Cheesy Polenta adapted from 'myrecipes.com' and Giada de Laurentiis

Ragu:
4 tbsp oil or lard (might need a little more if the eggplant dries out too much)
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 green pepper, cut into strips
2 red pepper, cut into strips
1 medium (3 1/2 - 4 cup) eggplant, chopped
3 cups tomato, chopped
 2 cups (4 leaves) chard, chopped
1/2 cup fresh herbs (basil, parsley, chives, oregano, etc.) chopped OR 3 tbsp dry
2 heaping tbsp honey
1 1/2 tsp salt
pinch of pepper
dash of pepper sauce

Polenta:
4 cups broth
1 3/4 cup cornmeal
1 cup parmesan cheese
3/4 cup milk
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 tbsp Worcestershire
2 tbsp honey
1 tbsp lemon zest
5 tbsp butter

Heat a large wok or dutch oven over medium heat.  Add the oil or lard and throw in the garlic, green pepper, red pepper and eggplant.  Sauté over medium heat for about 7 - 8 minutes.  The eggplant should be getting soft and starting to brown slightly.
Add in the chard and mix.  Continue to cook together for another 5 minutes.
Add in the tomato, herbs, honey, salt, pepper and pepper sauce.  Mix well, turn the heat down to medium/low and cook together for another 10 - 14 minutes.
Check the tastes and serve with the polenta.

Polenta:
In a large pot or dutch oven heat the broth to boiling (I used some leftover water that we boiled corn in and added a veggie boullion cube as well).  Turn the heat down to medium/low and add in the cornmeal and whisk well to get rid of any lumps in the cornmeal.  Simmer for about 10 - 15 minutes or until the cornmeal is still quite soft but has thickened up quite a lot.
Turn the heat off completely.  Add in the cheese, milk, salt, Worcestershire, honey and lemon zest.  Stir to mix and let the parmesan melt completely.  Stir in the butter.
Serve with the vegetable ragu.