There are certain phrases that have been going through my head over and over again.  The big one has been: Stop waiting to not be afraid to do anything.  It's a weird phrase and I'm giving it to you exactly as I thought it.  I haven't tried to make it unweird at all.  I'm not exactly sure why it's been running on replay in my brain for the last while but there it is.
Dealing with being afraid has been a running theme throughout my life but then who doesn't have that?  We all deal with it in one way or another.  Fear is a big deal.  I don't buy that it's not a big deal.  Just because it's only an emotion doesn't mean it's not a big deal.  Just because it's not a physical wall in front of me or a huge monster blocking the road doesn't mean that it's not a big deal.  In fact, I think that it's more easy to be afraid than not.  And it's not always about being afraid of doing something or confronting something, I can also be afraid to say no or of doing nothing.
Having this phrase rolling through my head has given me some time to ponder, to turn it around and lift it up and look underneath it a bit.  I think that being a bit older has now given me a different perspective.  I find myself looking at situations where I'm terrified to confront or things which I'm afraid to admit and I think about how I'm going to feel after I do it.  I experienced a situation recently which in the scheme of life was pretty small but I went ahead and did what I needed to do even though I could hardly swallow and my hands were shaking.  Sure, there was a desired outcome - a kind of 'ideal situation' thing (which didn't happen incidentally) - but I knew that I had to do it because I would be so disappointed with myself if I didn't.  After I did it.  After I said what I wanted to say (which was brief ie.  really no big deal) I had what was probably one of the best nights I've had in a while.  I felt so good for just doing it.  So good that the outcome didn't matter nearly as much as I thought it would.  I didn't feel like all I was made of was chicken s$#@.
That, my Peeps, makes me think about the bigger things.  Is it possible that those bigger things that I'm terrified might work the same way.  If I look those bad boys in the face (and be so scared that I possibly have an accident on the spot) how good will I feel afterwards.  How proud of myself will I be?  Will it matter whether the outcome was the one I was looking for?  It feels good to be proud of yourself.  I know this already from performing.  When you've done the work, when you know it's good and you have something to say and get up there and you say it... even though you're scared.  It feels great.  I never thought about how that could transfer into the other areas of my life.  I've got some thinking to do now.


This, of course, has nothing to do with the recipe here... or maybe it does, I'm not sure.  I got some fiddleheads this past week along with some ramps and stinging nettles.  I love fiddleheads but decided not to stress out about making them into some kind of thing in which they are the only star of the show. I just wanted to eat them.  So I made this.  I had mine on top of some salad greens because it just made sense to me at the time but you certainly don't have to do that.  Adding the saffron and the chipotle powder changed the whole dish and I liked where it went.


Spicy Fiddlehead Orzo
serves 6 - 8

1/2 cup onion, diced
1 cup mushrooms, halved
4 cups fiddleheads
4 cloves garlic, crushed
3/4 lb (about 2 cups) ground pork, lamb or seasoned tempeh
1 1/4 cup orzo (uncooked)
3 cups veggie or chicken broth
1/2 cup wine (white or red - whatever you have around)
1/2 tsp each - basil, oregano, parsley
1/2 tsp saffron
1/2 tsp chipotle powder
2 tsp chili powder
2 tsp honey
1 1/2 tsp salt (to taste)

Heat a large, heavy bottomed pot over medium heat.
Add about 3 tbsp of oil or grease.
Add the onion and mushrooms and cook for about 4 minutes.
Turn the heat down to med/low and add the fiddleheads and garlic.  Cook together for about 3 minutes.
Add in the ground meat or tempeh and cook for another 4 minutes.  Stir when necessary to keep from sticking to the bottom.
Add the orzo and stir until the orzo is mixed well and coated with oil.
Add in the broth and stir well.
Add in the wine, herbs, saffron, chipotle powder, chili powder and honey.  Stir well.
Turn the heat down to low and cover the pot.
Cook for about 30 minutes or until the orzo has cooked through.
Taste and add salt if needed.
Serve.