True Story:
I had a small epiphany at work the other day.  It was a personal epiphany as opposed to a work related epiphany.  I'm not even sure that's a thing.  Sometimes I think about things other than work while at work... it's a bad habit and I'm working on it.  So, I have a colleague who loves to come to my office about 10 minutes before I'm planning to leave.  He comes in, plops himself down and sets in for a nice ole chat.  Since he's probably the sweetest person on the planet, I tell myself that it's ok.  Even though I'm super busy trying to wrap things up and get out the door so that I can pick my kid up from school.  It's ok - keep chatting.  Tell me more... I'm changing my shoes under my desk where he won't see.  I'm trying really hard not to check my phone every 15 seconds to see what the time is.  I'm working even harder to quell the rising tide of panic in my chest.  I smile back at him but I'm only thinking about how to slow down my breathing.  When he finally makes his way back to his own office, I wait to hear his door close and then bolt.  Bolt to the subway station.  It's not until I'm on the train that I finally feel calmness restored.
In speaking to another colleague about it, how conflicted I feel because he's so sweet and how weird I feel inside when it's happening, I realized something kinda cool.  When I was a kid I took skating lessons.  I loved skating and still do.  I only stopped skating lessons because when I was about ten the demands just got too intense and none of us (Mom and Dad and me) were willing to commit the kind of time and effort that it demanded.  When I started doing lessons I was about seven - still have the super cute pictures of me in my little skating suit with the top hat for my first end of year skating show.  My skating class was at a time when the zamboni was scheduled to come on after and clear the ice - or maybe the zamboni does it's thing after every class... whatever.  It was coming on.  So even though my skating class was clear across the rink, far away from the exit off the ice and my teacher was still talking and/or showing us some super cool move once I sensed movement from behind the zamboni gates I was moving.  Can't explain it really.  I wanted to yell that it was time to end, tell everybody to start getting themselves off the ice - yep, the gates are opening now, he's ready and he's coming - why is the teacher still talking - we have to go - he's started the engine now and my teacher is still telling us about our ankles(!) - ok that's it... and Wanda is backwards skating away from her class, across the rink, towards the exit.  Wanda's teacher is calling her back but she ignores it because she is getting away from that zamboni damn it.  You all can stay but I'm leaving... Wanda out.  Panic.  I was having an anxiety attack at seven.  Almost everyday at work at about the same time I have a little mini I-have-to-get-out-of-here-now anxiety attack.
And now I know.


The moral of this story is: When experiencing daily anxiety attacks (or not) it helps to make cookies. You can eat them if you choose but you don't have to (I usually don't).

BTW - this song is haunting me.



Peanut Butter, Chocolate and Sugar Cookies adapted from 'Averie Cooks'
makes about 2 dozen med/small cookies

1 cup peanut butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 lg egg
1 tbsp vanilla
1 tsp baking soda
4 oz dark chocolate chunks
2 oz milk chocolate chunks

Line a cookie sheet with a silicon liner or parchment and set aside.
Preheat oven to 350°F.
In a large bowl mix together the peanut butter, brown sugar, egg and vanilla until light and fluffy and no longer grainy.  I used a hand mixer for about two minutes but be careful not to over beat because then the oil will start to separate from the peanut butter... gross - not the end of the world as it won't ruin the recipe, it's just oily.
Once mixed until light and fluffy then fold in the chocolate until reasonably mixed (there should be lots of chocolate)
Spoon about 1 1/2 tbsp full into your hand and form a ball.
Place balls on cookie sheet, leaving a little space between each.
Bake for about 8 minutes or until the cookie edges are just beginning to brown.
Remove cookies carefully (they'll be gooey) and cool on wire racks.