So I've been thinking a lot about my perceptions lately.  Mostly because D is reading this book and he keeps talking about it so much that I feel like now I don't really need to read it only I have to read because I've committed to doing it already and once I've done that then I just have to see it through.  That's just me.
So with perception.  Yeah.  You know first impressions and all that.  It partly makes me sad that we believe  that we've summed up another human being so quickly.  It makes me realize that we are sometimes the shallow creatures that we complain about.  It also makes me think that I need to clean up my own act.  I think that the reality is that 'first impressions' become lasting impressions and that the world kinda functions around that a whole lot more than it doesn't.  Part of me just has to get past the 'this is so shallow' and move on.
I always thought that 'politics' at work or anywhere else was really really bad.  I thought that my work would be my merit badge and that would stand out all by itself.  I thought that manipulation was a terrible, no good, very bad thing.  But the more I move through this life I've been given the more I realize that politics exits everywhere... from the bedroom to the boardroom.  Manipulation in some form or other is just a part of things functioning in life.  God help you if you try to parent or teach anybody anything without using some kind of manipulation (hopefully not the  'If you don't do this now I'll...' kind.  I certainly never have).  I guess that right now in my life I'm kind of ok with it.  Most of the time I can see the 'impressions' happening.  I can eye the politics going on in front of me and I can make a decision about whether or not I want to play along with the manipulation.  I get it.
Of course there's the really bad stuff that is totally destructive and should never be tolerated.  Seen.  I'm not talking about that stuff though.  I mean when you really think about it how many times a day do you try to get someone to see your side of things or wonder how you should handle a situation.  It's called making it work... right?  (see I gotya there)
Anyway... I'm just thinkin'.  It's cool.  It's probably not coherent yet but it's fun having stuff lolling around in my head for a while.


So this bread.  Yeah.  What can I say about bread right?  You should try making bread though, Yo.  It's fun.  I like the kneading part.  It's soothing for my soul.  And when I smell it starting to get all yeasty and rising and crap it feels awesome.
To be honest this stuff is like a cross between corn bread and challah.  Yum.  I don't know for sure if I would split this into two loaves.  If I try it again I might just do one big one.  If you try it before I do then definitely let me know.
p.s.  I downloaded this a few days ago and it's just stupid fluffy fun.  I'm embarrassed but there it is.  I downloaded other stuff too that's much more 'proper'.


Cornmeal Yeast Bread from 'More With Less'
makes 2 loaves

Take 2 pkg dry yeast
dissolve in 1/2 cup lukewarm water
Set aside.
Combine:
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/3 cup unsalted butter
3/4 cup scalded milk (milk that's brought to a boil them removed from the stove)
Cool to lukewarm.

Combine:
1 egg
the milk mixture
the yeast mixture
3 1/2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cup cornmeal

Mix until it forms a soft dough.
turn onto a lightly floured surface and knead for about 10 minutes adding more flour as needed (up to another 1 cup)
The dough should feel pretty smooth.
Place in a greased bowl.  Cover with a clean cloth and place in a warm spot to rise until doubled - about an hour.
Punch down.  Divide in half.
Place in 2 greased loaf pans.  Cover and let rise until almost doubled - about 45 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Bake the bread anywhere from 30 - 45 minutes.  The top should be golden brown.

It seems odd to me that in the same week - in fact the very next day - my kids are collecting bags of treats which include at least a ton of chocolate that I'm making brownies.  And what's with the brownies?  Why my obsession?  Haven't I given you enough brownie recipes?  I don't even understand it myself.  Truly.  Here's the real kicker, I've still got more brownie recipes that I want to try out.  Damn.  Even as I'm writing it sounds like sheer lunacy.
All I can offer as explanation is that sometimes the search for the gooiest, chocolatiest, moistest brownie never ends AND other times only a brownie will satisfy the craving.  In all honesty, when it comes to satisfying cravings this brownie was pretty exceptional.


I went through this thing in the spring and summer where I was baking with fruit.  It's so wonderful.  Fresh fruit.  It starts with Rhubarb and just goes on from there.  Yeah.  I know that I could be baking with pears (already done that) and apples (yeah... that too) and pumpkin (I gotta get on that one) but if I'm completely honest chocolate is what I'm craving at the moment.  The pears and the apples will still be one the menu don't worry.  I'll be making some apple cake or other just now.  In the right here and the right now... it's all chocolate all the time.
Maybe it's a lament.  Like when you were dumped by your first boyfriend... remember that?  What did you want to do.  Go out and eat... a whole crap load of chocolate and/or chocolate ice cream.  My flavour of choice was Haagen dazs peanut butter ice cream with chocolate and other crap in it.  They don't even make it anymore.  Probably 'cause I was the only one who bought it and I never had enough boyfriends to keep the flavour in production.  I never had a favourite chocolate bar.  It always changed.  I could never decide.  Is it Twix?  Is it Reese?  Is it Snickers?  Anyway, I'm figuring that my chocolate craving is my way of throwing a pity party for myself now that summer has gone and dumped me.  Just like a two month boyfriend that runs off and disappears.  Never calls again.  No explantation even.  I'm sore about it and I'm not gonna let it go for a while.  I can feel it.  Not even Christmas is gonna make up for it.
The day after hallowe'en I was probably the only person in Toronto firing up the oven to bake.  I had this recipe earmarked and I needed brownies in my life.  Sometimes nature calls and no matter what you've gotta just go with it.  This recipe caught my eye because it is supposed to be under baked and then cooled in an ice bath.  Normally ice baths are torturous but in this case they're heavenly.


Steve's Ritual Brownies adapted slightly from Alice Medrich 'Chewy Gooey Crispy Crunchy'
makes 1 8inch square pan

8 tbsp (1/2 cup) unsalted butter
4 oz unsweetened chocolate
1 1/4 cups sugar
1 tsp vanilla
good pinch of salt
2 lg eggs
1/2 cup unbleached all purpose flour
1 tsp instant espresso powder

Line an 8 inch square baking pan with foil.  Set aside.
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.
Combine the butter and chocolate together in a heat proof bowl over a barely simmering pot of water.  Stir until the mixture is melted and smooth.
Remove the bowl from the heat and the pot.
Add in the sugar, vanilla, salt and espresso powder.  Mix.
Add in 1 egg and mix.
Add in the next egg and mix.
Add in the flour.  Mix vigorously by hand for about a minute.  The batter should pull away from the bowl.
Pour the batter into the foil lined baking pan.
Bake for 18 - 20 minutes.  The brownies should just barely pull away from the sides of the pan.
Remove from the heat and place in an ice bath 3/4 of an inch deep.
Cool completely in the ice bath.
Remove from the pan and slice up.  Store in an airtight container - they won't last long but will keep well for about 3 days if necessary.

It's November.
November.
I know what you're thinking.  It's the same thing that I'm thinking.  Where did this year go?  I've done stuff and talked about stuff and thought stuff that hadn't ever crossed my mind.  I don't think that I need to give you a year in review or anything but I feel kinda surprised and proud (just a little) all at the same time.
The sucky part though is that I'm still broke.  I've got a hell of a lot of debt paid off this year... but I'm still broke.  Broke's not always a bad thing though.  It can make you creative.  It can make you sympathetic.  It can make you realistic.  For example, I'm not about to say that the world owes me anything but I'm also not saying that I'm broke because I don't work hard enough and that if I just worked harder that the money gods would reward me with cash.  I'm also not under the impression that someone with more money than me works harder than I do and is therefor entitled to all the money that they earn.  It also bugs the hell outta me that all the money people earn seems to give them carte blanche to do whatever the hell they want with the planet.  (Hmmmm - I knew that a rant was in there somewhere.  Remember when I said in my last post that we walked through the Occupy Toronto Camp... Yup - I knew a rant was in there somewhere).
Let me be completely honest though.  I'm not flat broke.  I still have a job.  A good job.  It doesn't pay big bucks but it's kept us afloat.  D works many jobs - as many as he can get his hands on.  I work at home after my school job is done.  I've got benefits and all that crap at my job.  I'm lucky and I don't want to take it for granted.  There are many many many many people wayyyyyy less fortunate I am.



When it comes to food, even though we don't have a lot of money to throw around I want to make sure that we are putting our money in good places and stretching it as far as possible in those places.  So we don't have meat regularly.  We don't have a lot of sauces or store bought treats around.  I make whatever I can because it's cheaper (and just happens to be healthier and better for the world around me).  I take my lunch to work and my kids take fruit or homemade snacks to school... and they don't go out for lunch either.  We throw out as little food as possible.  We try to make sure that we use up what we make, freeze what we can't finish and use as much of a vegetable as possible.  That brings me to this dinner.  Think pastured ground beef, organic and local veggies, locally made (or homemade even better) yogurt... And you've got cheap and healthy dinner on the table.  It's a hearty meal and it's tasty... and even kid #2 will eat it if it contains noodles.  Win/Win.



Poor Man's Beef Stronganof adapted from Kitchen Simplicity
serves about 6 - 8

4 - 5 cups cooked pasta (al dente - I used penne noodles) reserve the pasta water
1 1/2 lbs ground beef
1 med onion, diced
1 clove garlic minced
1 green pepper diced
3 cups chard or kale chopped
3 cups mushrooms (I used button) sliced thin
1 cup plain yogurt
1 bouillion cube
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp each: parsley, oregano, basil, marjoram
1 tbsp salt
1 tbsp sugar
1/2 cup cheese (I used medium cheddar because that's what was in my fridge - feel free to get fancy), shredded

In a large pot or dutch oven heat some oil over medium heat.
Add in the onion, garlic and pepper.  Cook for about 5 minutes.  Add in the mushrooms and greens (chard or kale - even spinach would be fine).  Cook for another 4 minutes.  Add in the ground meat and cook just until the meat begins to brown.
Add the bouillion cube, Worcestershire Sauce and soy sauce.  Cook for another 4 minutes.
Add the herbs, salt and sugar.
Check the taste and add something hot if you like (I like).
Add in the yogurt and the cheese.  Mix until the cheese is melted.
If you would like more liquid for the sauce add in a little cream.
Check the tastes again and adjust if necessary.
Toss in the mixed pasta.
Sprinkle a little more cheese on the top if you desire.
Serve.

I don't have many photos for this stuff.  How many pictures do we all want to see of green tomato chutney in a jar? 
The reason I made tomato chutney is because I already had way too many jars of green tomato salsa.  There is only so much salsa you can eat.  Really.
Talking about green tomatoes is kinda boring though.  I think it should be enough to say that all my green tomatoes are gone from my tomato plants and from my fridge.  Sunday morning was spend seeing to that.  Done.
Now on to more interesting things.  Well, more like random things.

I can't believe that it's Wednesday already.  I'm having trouble keeping up with how quickly weeks are flying by.

All of a sudden I woke up with a pretty nasty case of Plantar Fasciitis yesterday.  Looks like I'm cycling and doing yoga for the next few days.  Jeez.  What's totally weird is that I have no clue what I did.

I walked through the 'Occupy Toronto' camp with my kids the other day.

I'm going to start reading this book - D is reading it at the moment and keeps saying things like 'Ok, listen to this' or 'You've got to read this book' ... So I'm gonna.

Kid #1 got a lightsaber when he was out for Hallowe'en.  So he became Spider Man with a lightsaber.  Cool.  He hasn't turned it off since.  It's Wednesday.  Here they are Kid #1 as a zombie and #2 as a very muscular spider man.



A couple of weeks ago Kid #1 got to tape a tv special with her choir for Russell Peters.  Coolest part:  she got to meet Michael Buble and they all got their picture taken with him.  Awesome.

I feel like I haven't seen my friends in forever and I'm trying not to let it bum me out.  I'm going with my BFF  KT to NYC soon though so that's gonna help a lot.  I'm broke so we're totally going to find cheap fun stuff to do and if you have any cool ideas PLEASE let me know.

...
So yeah, if you have green tomatoes that have been sitting around for a bit, looking for some lovin'  Well, give this a try.  It sounds good to me.  If I taste it and it bites I'll let you know but how wrong can some tomatoes and sugar go, right?



Green Tomato Chutney adapted from 'Food in Jars' and 'Lara Ferroni'
makes about 2 (scant) 500 ml jars

10 cups (or so) green tomatoes (any variety) coarsely chopped
1 med onion (red or cipolini) finely diced
1 jalepeno pepper finely chopped (deseeded)
1 1/2 cups apple cider vinegar
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1/3 cup honey
1 1/2 tbsp salt
3 tbsp freshly ground ginger
4 cloves
1/2 cinnamon stick
1 star anise
3 dashes of nutmeg
1 dash of allspice

1/2 cup (medium handful) of raisins or currants

Throw everything except the raisins into a non-reactive pot (I used a ceramic covered caste iron pot) and simmer for at least 1 1/2 hrs on low heat.
Add in the currants and simmer for another 15 minutes.
Meanwhile, sterilise 2 clean 500 ml jars (put them in the oven at 300 degrees for about 10 minutes) and prepare the water canner.
Once the chutney has cooked down (should be about 1/2 of the volume as when it started) carefully ladle the chutney into the jars leaving at least a 1/2 inch at the top of each.  Seal with the lids and place in the water canner.  Boil for 10 - 12 minutes.
Remove from the canner and cover with a clean cloth.  Let it rest for about 24 hrs.
Enjoy with meats, cheeses or crackers or sandwiches or... whatever.

I'm not trying to be a total smart ass but this soup looks like barf in a bowl.
And just in time for Hallowe'en.
It doesn't taste like barf though. . . fortunately.
I tasted really good in fact.
Here's my take on Hallowe'en BTW.   'Cause I'm sure that you're all very curious, you're just afraid to ask.

I DON'T CARE.

It's awful.  I'm a poop.  If it makes any difference to you, I almost care as little about christmas.  Whateve.  It is what it is for me.  No more.  No less.
It's not about warding off bad spirits anymore.  Which I think is kinda cool BTW.
It's all about kids dressing up and getting candy (not bad at all).  It's all about teenage girls looking way older and sluttier than I'm comfortable with.  It's all about adults going to parties.  It's about fun and parties.
So, as I've mentioned before, I'm not baking spooky witch hats or goblin eyeballs.  I'm not cooking up a pot of boiled brains for dinner.
Just soup.
Plain old barfy looking soup.


It's good soup.  It's cheap too because parsnips are cheap people.  And seasonal.  And good for you.  Pour a little maple syrup in there and you've got fall comfort food covered.
Now I've got to sit down and figure out how I'm going to survive the hours between school tomorrow and when we leave the house to take Kid #1 and #2 out to collect all this candy that sits beside the refrigerator for the next 11 months (yup - just put the last of it in the bin on the weekend).  I've got a couple of survival ideas but I'm not sure if I would still be in good enough shape to walk up and down the street.
I plan on having a nice big gloopy bowl of this stuff before I go either way.


Maple Parsnip Soup adapted from 'Simply in Season'
serves about 6

5 tbsp butter
1 1/2 lbs (or about 5 med/lg) parsnips chopped
1 lg onion, diced
1 clove garlic
5 cups veg or chicken broth (I used a combination)
3 dashes of nutmeg
1/2 cup milk
1/4 - 1/3 cup maple syrup
1 lg tbsp dijon mustard
salt to taste

Heat a large dutch oven or soup pot over medium heat.
Add in the butter and turn the heat down just a bit.  Add in the parsnip and the onion.  Let those cook together in the butter for about 7 minutes.  Stirring regularly so they don't get stuck to the bottom of the pot.
Add in the garlic and cook for another 4 minutes.
Add in the broth.
Simmer over low heat for another 10 - 15 minutes.
Once the parsnips are very soft puree the soup using either a hand blender or placing the soup in a regular blender.
Once the soup is back in the pot and on the heat, add in the nutmeg, milk, maple syrup and dijon mustard.  Mix well.
Check the taste and and salt to taste.
Serve with yummy focaccia bread (see my last post) or warm rolls and be thankful that you are inside.

So Guess What.
Yup...
You guessed right.
The cranberries and apples (and now add some plumes in there too) are still in the fridge.  They still need to be 'dealt with'.
Just for fun let's add about 7 pounds of green tomatoes to that.
Yup.  All there.  Sitting in my fridge.  Wondering when they're going to turn into something wonderful.
Since I'm surrounded by piles of paper from school, work, mail and anywhere else you can imagine, and since I'm also trying to dig my out of a mountain of laundry that never seems to disappear AND since I'm feeling pretty beat up from lack of sleep (poor kid #2 was up a lot last night moaning with a soar throat and cough - guess what though... today he's fine... I'm the mess)... I'm just giving up, raising the white flag, rolling over, putting my head in the proverbial sand, shoving it down so deep that not even I'll ever find it again.
It's too depressing... and the sun is shining today.  That's not going to happen much in Toronto for the next little while (read:  about 3 1/2 months).  I'm going to forget all that crap I just wrote about and go and get out for a while.
But not before I tell you what I did with myself yesterday...


I'm so excited because I love food like this.
Simple.
Pretty.
Tasty.
Utilising scissors.


Who's not going to love squidgy flatbread with awesome stuff on the top?  I made soup to go with it and that was the best idea ever.  The soup is coming next and let's just say there's a little maple surprise in there.   We all ate until our bellies were full and we felt so good about it.  A little indulgence can go a long way.
I'm apologising in advance to you all for the lack hallowe'en recipes.  You won't find any cut-off finger cookies or eyeball eggs or whatever the hell everybody makes at this time of year.  Not because I'm a bah-humbug (although I am that) but because I'm damn lazy and I don't want to eat food that looks like something other than food.  There... I said it.
Enjoy the Focaccia.


 Focaccia with Cavalo Negro Kale and goat cheese adapted from 'Simply in Season'

1 cup warm water
1 tbsp (or 1 packet) active dry yeast
pinch or two of sugar

Mix together and let the yeast dissolve and grow for a few minutes.

Add:
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 tbsp oil (I used canola)
1 1/2 tbsp salt
1 tbsp sugar

Mix until smooth.
Add:
1 3/4  - 2 1/4 cups all purpose flour

Stir until it forms a stiff dough (I added about 1 1/2 cups of flour all at once and then the rest little by little).
Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for about 10 minutes.  Dough should be smooth and elastic.
Place in a greased bowl and let it rise about 55 minutes or until doubled in size.
Remove from the bowl.
You now have two options
Option 1:
chop about 3 cups of Cavalo Negro kale (or regular kale)
fold into the dough and knead into the dough only until it's distributed evenly.
Let the dough rest for 10 minutes and then pat and stretch onto a greased cookie sheet.  Rest the dough for another 10 minutes.
Option 2:
Pat and stretch the dough onto a greased cookie sheet.
Let the dough rest for about 10 minutes.
Gently press about 3 cups of chopped cavalo negro kale (or regular kale) into the dough.

Finish:
Preheat oven to 450 degrees F
Sprinkle about a 1/2 cup of chopped sun dried tomatoes and 1 cup of goat cheese (in chunks is what I like) or feta onto the dough.
Add a sprinkle of parmesan or other cheese if you wish (I added just a little).
Bake for about 10 - 12 minutes or until golden on the bottom and the cheese is melted on the top.
Cut with SCISSORS.

Kid #2 - the self portrait (no jokes)

Can I just tell you that I've been wanting to make this for the longest time.  I have finally gone and made it but I feel a little guilty.  I feel guilty a lot.  I think it's partly because of my strict religious upbringing (not a bad thing at all people) and the other part... damned if I know.  I'm learning to live with my guilt.
Today I feel guilty because I have exactly two pears, three apples and a pint of cranberries that need my attention.  I just don't feel inspired to do anything with them just yet.  Maybe I should just suck it up and boil them all together and call it a day... Hey, that's not a half bad idea.  I haven't got a clue how that would turn out  - cranberry/pear/apple jam???  Either way... guilt aside... I just had to make this.  Now that I'm older I'm learning to deal with my guilt by
a) Accepting it and realizing that it's a part of what makes me wonderful... and weird.
b) Completely pushing it out of my mind by way of chocolate and cocoa and espresso powder mixed with sugar and eggs.

random shot by kid #2... still life feet

I know that I've been inundating you with all things chocolate and I promise that I'll start to smarten up very soon (although I've got this other brownie recipe that I've just got to try soon too - ack).  The appeal for me is the comfort food factor.  I don't know if I would serve this to guests.  I'm not saying that I wouldn't, I'm just not sure.  It doesn't have that wow factor that dinner guests might be expecting.  It seems and little too simple and rustic.  But jeez does it taste good.  Like amazing.  Here's a wonderful example of how wonderful this is.
I was going to take a slice of this with me to work today.  I decided not to because
a)  I don't really want anyone at work to know about it. (I'm sure that I don't need to explain)
b)  If I saved the experience for when I got home from work in the afternoon, well, the afternoon would just be that much sweeter.
c)  The mere possibility that the slice might get damaged at all being transported in my back pack was unthinkable.
The moral of my story is:  If you're feeling guilty about something... anything and you want to completely forget about the guilt and just get on with your life (guilt shoved far far away) then you've found your answer.
Thank me later.


Double Chocolate Loaf adapted from 'Baked Explorations'

3/4 cup dark brown sugar
1 cup dark unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cup sugar
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
2 tsp instant espresso powder
2 lg eggs
1 lg egg yolk
3/4 cup buttermilk
1/2 vegetable oil
1 tsp vanilla
8 oz dark chocolate (60 - 72%) coarsely chopped

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F
Grease and flour a 9x5 loaf pan (yeah, I measured mine just to make sure)
Place the brown sugar into a mixer bowl.  Sift in the cocoa and flour.  Add in the sugar, baking soda, baking powder, salt and espresso powder.  Mix everything just until it's combined at the bottom of the bowl.
In another bowl mix together the eggs and egg yolk until blended.  Add the buttermilk, vegetable oil and vanilla.  Mix just until combined.
Begin mixing the dry ingredients and slowly adding the wet ingredients.  Mix until just combined.  Fold in the chocolate chunks.
Pour the mixture into the prepared pan.
Bake for 1 hr - 1 hr 10 min (mine was good after an hour).
Cool about 10 minutes in the pan and then remove to a cooling rack.