One of the best things I've done all week is make this stuff.  I've done other good things too don't get me wrong but this casserole is right up there with the best.  It certainly is the best thing I've done with cauliflower in a good long while.
Being on spring break this week and surrounded by my kids and sometimes other people's kids too, I've been thinking a lot about parenting lately.  I've been giving a lot of thought to the way parenting changes as kids get older.  I'm ninety three percent convinced that my twelve year old has decided that it's her goal in life to make us crazy but she's not going to win that one.  She doesn't know who she's dealing with.  Reality is that she needs me to be a completely different parent than my six year old does.  Neither role I feel totally equipped to do well and if most of the parent model's I'm seeing are the 'right way' then I'm in big trouble.  I believe that the real issue here is that I don't really care.  I know what it is I'm supposed to be and it's not realistic nor is it any kind of recipe for success.  I'm pretty happy with the way things are.  We have one night during the school week when both kids have an activity.  The activity for both of them falls on the same night.  Kid #1 is carpooled for part of her activity so we're off the hook once she's been dropped off.  Additionally, Kid #1 has dance and piano which, for the most part happens on Saturday mornings and if it doesn't happen on Saturday then we're probably not going to do it.  D and I both work in the evenings after 'work' and there are many occasions where I have to be in to work on one day over the weekend.  We can't fit any more activities in without some serious juggling around.
Then there is the park stuff which I endure in the summer only because it's warm outside and I can sit off by myself being most antisocial, reading and sipping something cold.  When it's not warm we don't go.  I despised Mom and Tot groups when my kids were babies because they felt like they weren't for the kids at all but the parents.  The parents seemed to feel like we all deserved a collective pat on the back for our efforts towards socializing six month old people.  Nope - didn't last long and I didn't once feel bad about it.
I don't freak out if my kids didn't get outside over the course of a day.  I don't freak out if they didn't eat as well as I would have liked.  I don't freak out if they haven't finished homework or practiced piano.  I freak out a little if they spend too much time in front of a computer screen but even then it depends on what they're doing in front of that screen.  D and I have flatly refused to ever take Kid #1 camping because we don't camp.  I've never once held a birthday party in one of those places where there are games and lights and noise and awful pizza because I can't deal with it - I want to curl up in a corner, close my eyes and fall asleep just thinking about it.  I miss the days where we could just let our kids hang out outside until it got dark and we could do it without needing to sit out there watching them in order to be 'good' parents.  I need time away from them although I feel a little guilty when it happens.  I try to make sure that I take it whenever I can though - even if just for a couple of hours.
Craziest part is that I don't think my kids are suffering at all.  In fact, they seem to be pretty well adjusted so far.  Sure I wish that they did a little more of this and a little less of that but mostly they're doing ok.  We're not pushing them to be at the top of their class but neither are they failing or even seriously struggling with anything.  They enjoy their friends and they aren't unhappy to be alone.  It's weird.


So this week, when D and I ended up being the only ones who dug into this cauliflower casserole, I didn't freak out 'cause they weren't trying it.  We told them that they were missing out but didn't force it down their throats.  They really did miss out but what it meant was that we got to eat it all.  I can live with that.


Cauliflower Casserole adapted from 'Give Recipe'
serves 6

1 head of cauliflower (about 4 cups) broken into medium sized pieces
slice of lemon
1 lb ground beef, pork or lamb
1 onion (1/2 cup), diced
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2 - 3/4 cup red pepper, diced (I used roasted red pepper from the freezer)
1 boullion cube (veggie or whatever)
1 1/2 tbsp mixed herbs
2 tbsp honey
1 1/2 tsp salt
2 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
1 tsp pepper sauce (optional)
1/4 cup tomato paste
2 - 3 tbsp water
1 1/2 cups mozzarella cheese

Place the cauliflower pieces in a large pot of water.  Bring to a boil and add the lemon slice.  Boil for about 7 minutes or until the cauliflower is just beginning to soften.  Drain and set aside.
Preheat the oven to 350°F.
Heat a heavy bottomed pot over medium heat.  Add a little oil and then add in the onion and garlic.  Cook for about 1 minute and then add in the ground meat.  Turn the heat down a little and cook together for about 4 minutes or until the meat begins to brown.  Add in the red pepper and veggie bouillon.  Cook for another 4 - 5 minutes.  Add in the herbs, honey, salt, Worcestershire, pepper sauce tomato paste and water.  Mix well.  Continue to cook for another 5 minutes.  Check the tastes and adjust if necessary.
Place the cauliflower into a deep baking dish (I used an 8 inch round) and sprinkle about half of the mozzarella on top of the cauliflower.  Pour the meat mixture on top of that and sprinkle the remaining mozzarella over the top.
Bake covered for 20 minutes.  Remove the cover and bake for another 15 or until the cheese begins to bubble and brown.
Cool for a few minutes before serving.

I went to my first professional basketball game this week and I was totally... BORED.  It may have had something to do with the fact that I had been working my ass off for the entire day because we were the choir singing the national anthems at the games.  It might have had something to do with me not sleeping well for a couple of nights prior to the game.  It might also just be that I'm not into that kind of thing.  The only game I seem to find any pleasure at all in watching is soccer (known as football by the rest of the world) and even that is pushing it.
It got me thinking about how bored I got watching baseball and even (dare I say it) hockey.  The weird thing is that I do like sports.  I even think of myself as somewhat athletic.  So much so that I wonder if the current 'Me' went back to high school now 'Me' might consider trying out for volleyball or track or something.  That's saying something.  What I find when I'm watching a game from the stands of these huge arena's is that I am so far removed from the game itself, it's so far away, that I don't invest.  I'm not connected to it at all.  There are so many people watching and we're all so far away and it starts and stops so much and so many of us are moving around and talking and leaving to pee and going to buy junk food that I can't focus.  There is the constant drone of the announcer and the lights flashing on the jumbotron.  It's too much for me.
And then I don't know the game well and I certainly don't know the players.  I'm out there at Centre Court for sound check with the players all warming up around us and watching our high school boys freaking out and thinking that this would probably be pretty meaningful if I had a clue who these guys were.  It seemed funny to me.  The highlight of the night was seeing that a well known Canadian actress was sitting court side (they gave her some flowers and a stuffed mascot toy - we could only see it on the jumbotron).  Realising that this was the highlight for me pretty much sealed it.  Yup - I'm not meant for this kind of stuff.


So if you were thinking about buying some season's tickets for a hockey/soccer/basketball/baseball team in the city you might want to reconsider.  I'd be pretty happy that you thought of me and might feel a sense of obligation to attend some of those games just because you spent the money on me but I wouldn't enjoy it much.  I really enjoyed the moment when D and I realised we just wanted to leave early and go home for a beer... which is exactly what we did.



This, of course, has nothing to do with the recipe that you will find below.  That's because there is no cool story for this recipe.  This recipe isn't really glamorous or cool.  It's just good and kinda healthy because it's using cooked cauliflower in place of the flour.  I don't know, maybe that is kinda cool.


Cauliflower Alfredo Sauce adapted from 'cupcakes and kale'
makes about 4 cups of sauce

3 1/2 cups cauliflower pieces
1 cup onion, sliced
4 med cloves garlic
1 can (about 1 cup) white beans, drained and rinsed
1 cup cream
3/4 cups milk
2 tsp salt
2 boullion cubes
1/2 tsp paprika
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp honey
1/2 - 3/4 cup parmesan cheese, grated

4 cups cooked pasta of choice (I used cooked penne)
4 cups veggies - I used greens (kale and chard mixture) - steamed until wilted or softened
3 slices of bacon (optional), diced
1 1/2 cups mushrooms, halved
1/3 cup walnuts, coarsely chopped

Bring a large, heavy bottomed pot to a boil with about 3/4 cup of water (approx).  Add in the cauliflower pieces, turn the heat down to med/low and cover.  Cook for about 15 - 20 minutes or until the cauliflower is softened and mashable.  Drain and set aside.
In a large dutch oven or heavy bottomed pot heat about 3 tbsp of oil over medium heat.  Add in the onion and cook for about 4 minutes.  Add in the garlic and cook for about 3 minutes together.  Add in the white beans.  Turn the heat down to low.
Add the cauliflower, milk and stir well.  Using a hand blender or pouring the whole thing into a regular blender, puree until the whole thing forms a sauce consistency.  Making it as smooth and consistent as possible.
Add in the cream, salt, boullion, paprika, nutmeg, honey and parmesan.  Mix until the parmesan has melted in.  Check the tastes and adjust if necessary.

To make the casserole:
Heat a large frying pan over medium heat and add the bacon.  Cook about two minutes or until just beginning to get brown.  Add in the mushrooms (and the greens if you don't want to steam them) and cook for about 4 minutes.
Combine the cooked pasta with the bacon and veggie mixture.  Toss to combine and pour into a large baking dish or serving bowl.
Pour the sauce over the pasta mixture and stir well.
Sprinkle with a little additional parmesan and the chopped walnuts.
serve.

Assumptions.  We all have them.  I certainly do.  I assume a lot of things about another person based on how they look: dressed up, dressed down, athletic shoes, Vuitton bag, under 25yrs old with highlights and lowlights, track pants, ear encompassing headphones.  I think that you get the idea.  It's completely normal to make assumptions about the people around you.  It's how we relate, connect and how we make decisions in our mind about whether it might be someone we would like to be around or not.
However, I don't often think about the assumptions people make about me.  Truthfully, I don't even think of myself as someone noticeable.  And then I had a conversation recently with a neighbour and realized,to my surprise, that the assumptions are definitely there.  Of course they are there.  I know on an intellectual level that people will look at me or have a brief conversation with me and make assumptions based on my hair, my clothes and my accoutrements.  I know this but I don't know it.  In the same way I don't think of myself relative to how other women look at the same age.  I don't think of myself as someone who looks like they might have a tattoo.  I just have one.  So I realize quickly that although my neighbour and I don't know each other very well there are certain assumptions that she's made based on the stuff she knows.


She assumes that I don't eat junk food, like, ever.
Not True.
I eat junk food.  I do.  A lot.  I eat chips.  I love (I mean LOVE) wings and beer.  I don't eat stuff like candy or gummy bears because they make my stomach feel weird.  Not because I don't like them.
She assumes that I don't feed my kids anything but homemade.
Not True.
If Kid #2 could get 'cheesy noodles' (you know that awful stuff that comes from the famous box) everyday, he would be the happiest kid on earth.  I've reached a compromise I can live with by buying somewhat 'natural', organic stuff - still from a stupid box - and letting him have it for a treat once in a while (like once or twice a month).
She assumes that I eat 'healthy' and by healthy she's thinking 'low fat'.
Not True.
I eat fat.  I eat fat in the way of butter, cream, bacon, nuts and cheese.  I don't worry about fat at all.  In fact, I welcome it.  I like it.  I eat fat because it tastes really good and I believe that it's not necessarily the fat that's bad for me - especially those fats.
My neighbour was kind of surprised I guess.  If nothing else, she was somewhat better informed about the reality of my life.  I'm guessing she thought I was a '1 tbsp of olive... only, ever' kinda girl.  In addition, I hope that she's no longer beating herself up about not feeding enough vegetables to her kids or for pulling a box out of the freezer or cupboard once in a while.
I've tried and tried to think of a way to tie this together with the recipe I'm giving you.  It's taken a lot of time and effort but I think that I've found a way.  You see, when you roast a Sunday night chicken and you've made mashed potatoes and celery root, beautiful roasted carrots and parsnips with the chicken and then gorgeous gravy out of the drippings OR if you've hustled yourself home from work and maybe bought one of those roasted chickens from the deli and you want to have something tasty but also 'healthy' (i.e. veg) to go with that - and appease your guilt just a little - then this is the recipe for you.  What takes the longest is steaming the veg.  Everything else you've probably got lying around.  You can use whatever veg you've got, if it's root veg stuff then just make sure you've steamed it until it's just softening.  A little cream, a little cheese and some bread crumbs or crumbled crackers or chips or cereal and voila....


10 Minute Winter Vegetable Gratin loosely adapted from Martha Stewart

2 - 3 cups winter squash, peeled and cubed (about 1 inch cubes will do)
2 - 3 cups kale, chard or spinach, washed and chopped
2 - 3 cups broccoli or cauliflower florets, steamed until just al dente
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
3/4 cup cheddar, shredded (any shreddable cheese will do)
1/4 cup parmesan cheese, shredded
1/3 cup bread crumbs
1/2 - 3/4 cup cream (more if needed)

Preheat oven to 375°F.
Butter a baking dish and set aside.
Toss the cubed squash in some oil, melted butter or lard just until coated.  Place on a baking sheet and spread out evenly.  Bake for about 30 - 40 minutes or until the squash is browned on the outside and soft on the inside.  Remove from oven and set aside.  (This step can be done days ahead of time as well).
Toss together the vegetables in a bowl until mixed and pour into the baking dish.
Sprinkle with salt and nutmeg.  Sprinkle on the cheddar and then the parmesan.
Sprinkle the very top with the bread crumbs.
Add the cream just until it reaches about half the volume of the vegetables.
Bake uncovered for about 35 - 45 minutes or until golden brown on the top, bubbly and cheesy but not too wet underneath.
Cool for about 10 minutes before serving.

I can't find words for how much I want to bake RIGHT NOW.  I really can't find them.  'Itching' doesn't come close.  'Desperate' - nope, that's not it.  'Obsessing'... now that's getting closer.  I was seriously contemplating calling in sick just so that I could stay home and bake for the day.  The thought of kids being at school and having the house to myself, to play loud music, drink red wine and get flour all over me was hard to resist.  But I did resist.  Doesn't mean that I'm not still obsessing.  I've got visions of dark, dark, dark chocolate cake, s'mores cookies, ginger-carrot cupcakes and lemon loaf with sugar crackle topping going through my head almost all of the time.
Unfortunately, there is no time this week to get into any baking projects.  This is probably a good thing at the end of the day but its not helping my mood.  We now have a houseful of candy as well.  From Hallowe'en.  Ugh - crappy candy right.  To make the pile even bigger, the weather was so disagreeable here in Toronto that there weren't many kids out trick or treating and so almost many places were handing out larger quantities of candy in order to get rid of it all.  The kids appreciated it.


For Hallowe'en we always leave something simmering slowly and quietly on the stove while we trick or treat and then come back and eat it later.  Usually this quiet, simmering thing is usually chili.  I did in fact make a kickin' chili but I was hankering for something else as well... and as I've already mentioned, I didn't have time for the baking 'hanker'.


So, in honour of my first cabbage of the season, I pulled out the bacon and things just came together from there.  This is so easy I feel kind of lame putting it out here.  It tastes so good though that you'll understand exactly why I did.  I should add that this is my first parsnip haul of the season as well and it should be noted that here, at the end of October, marks me finally and fully embracing a new season.  Braised until it melts in your mouth, caramelised onion and chewy bacon.  Makes you want to curl up on the couch with a blanket, a glass of wine, a magazine and a good movie... and a snuggler.  In fact, once the kids were in bed, that's exactly what I did.  Baking be damned.


Braised Cabbage with Bacon and Mushrooms
serves 4

5 cups cabbage cut into 2 inch slices (i.e. thick)
1/2 cup onion, diced
4 - 5 slices of bacon, diced
2 small parsnips, thinly sliced
2 - 3 cups mushrooms (I used button for this), halved
3 tbsp soy sauce or tamari
2 tbsp honey

Heat a large, heavy bottomed pot over medium heat.
Add in 2 tbsp of oil and the bacon.  Cook for just a minute then add in the onion.  Cook for about 3 - 4 minutes.  Turn the heat down to med/low and add in the cabbage and the parsnips.  Cook together for another 5 - 7 minutes or until the cabbage begins to soften.
Add the mushrooms and soy sauce or tamari.  Stir well.
Turn the heat down a little again and let things simmer quietly for about 15 minutes.
Add in the honey and check the taste.  Adjust if necessary.
Serve.

It's been a big week in our house, in our family and in the community at large.
We have lost someone and the loss has left a vacuum.
I knew, 10 years ago when D's Mom re-married, that this new guy was something special.  When we first met he was warm, inviting, open and deeply connected to himself and his roots.  I had no idea just who this man was.  Charlie came to Canada at 14 from Trinidad and Tobago.  He didn't get into law right away but decided instead to study for the priesthood.  There are 2 reasons that he didn't stay with the church.  I can't remember them both at the moment but 'science' was the first reason.  He instead went into law.  I don't know if he was born for law or not.  I'm sure that he was a brilliant lawyer.  But the thing that made him stand out was his incredible passion for people and for representing those who couldn't represent themselves... for whatever reason.  That injustice was intolerable for him and as a result he began making his mark in the city of Toronto as a civil rights activist in the seventies when a series of shootings by police of black men were creating an uproar.  Charlie was at the helm of that both legally and socially.
You might have heard of Caribana.  It's this festival held in August here in Toronto which was born out of the Trinidad 'Carnival' tradition but has come to celebrate black and west-indian culture in all of it's forms.  Charlie was one of the founders of Caribana.  For a long time I didn't know.  He remained active in Caribana even up to this past August when he had to be driven through the parade route (he was so happy for that though).
Charlie died as a permanent resident of Canada and not a citizen.  He declined citizenship because he refused to take an oath to the Queen.  Right up to the end.  He fought it hard too.  There are many still working on that case and they will carry it on for him, of that I'm confident.  I heard a lawyer being interviewed yesterday and that lawyer got into law because of Charlie's mentorship.  It was during the interview when the lawyer said that Charlie's contribution to civil rights puts him at the table with the likes of Martin Luther King Jr. that it hit me just what this man was who came to our summer BBQ's.


Many many people love him.  Everyone feels that they know him and that's what he would have wanted.  For us... well he was just 'Babu'.  He played with my kids.  He encouraged them to be the best that they are and I think he saw things in them that no one else might have seen.  They debated with him and they drew protest pictures of the G8 summit and they went to the ROM.  At the end of the day, I'm thankful that we knew him not just as the public figure but as Babu... as Charlie.  He'll be missed by us all for the public contributions that he made but for us, we'll be missing 'Babu'.


As we've been juggling life and loss this week I've been craving some good food that makes me feel warm, loved and nourished.  This has helped a lot.


Broccoli and Lemon Pasta adapted from 'Bon Appetit'
Serves 4 - 6

5 slices of bacon cut into coarse pieces
1 cup leek, thinly sliced
1 cup green beans (ends cut off and then cut into bite sized lengths) or green peas
2 1/2 - 3 cups of broccoli, cut into bite sized chunks
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 cup milk
1/4 cup fresh herbs (a mixture of parsley,basil, oregano)
11/2 tbsp honey
11/2 tsp salt
11/2 tsp pepper sauce or a dash of cayenne
1 tbsp lemon zest.       
1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
1/2 cup goat cheese
1 cup freshly grated parmesan
4 cups spaghetti cooked to al dente (reserve a little of the pasta water)

Heat a large pot and add in the bacon chunks.  Brown for a few minutes and then turn the heat down to med/low.  Add in the sliced leeks and cook together for about 3 minutes.  Add in the beans, broccoli and garlic.  Cook for another 5-7 minutes.  Add in the herbs, honey, salt, pepper sauce, lemon zest and lemon juice. Mix well and cook together for about 2 minutes.  Add in the goat cheese and stir to melt in slightly.  Add in the cream and milk.  Mix well and turn the heat down to low.  Add in the parmesan cheese and continue to cook until the cheese begins to melt into the cream.  Toss with the pasta and a little of the reserved pasta water.  Serve with a little more fresh parmesan on top.

I'm was not sure what to even call this post.  My fingers are shaking on the keyboard... I'm scared.  Terrified really.  I did not expect to have this reaction at all and the whole things is completely freaking me out.
Let me back up here and explain.
A few weeks ago (maybe, I'm guessing) I read a post here about how to increase your blog traffic and so I did one of the things mentioned and just started adding it to my routine of 'once-I-post-something-new-I-also-update-here' kind of things.  Then about a week ago (again, I'm guessing... not even sure when but definitely 'more recently') this awesome lady left a comment on one of my posts saying how awesome the blog is (Thanks!) and how the recipes are rad (I'm blushing) and that I should join this new canadian recipe site thing.  So I thanked her and then joined the thing.  Maybe she's a scout for the new website, whatever, I didn't care I just joined... whatever, right.
Except now, over the past week or so (I'm sure about this one) my daily hits have been going up and up.  That's a good thing right?  When it goes up from 30 hits per day to 45 then it's cool.  Then it starts going to to 60 hits per day and I'm feeling a little antsy.  And then it's 75 hits.  Today I have reached almost 200 hits and it's on 4:33 in the afternoon.
My first reaction is absolute and complete terror.  TERROR.  What the hell do I do now.  I'm not a professional.  I take weird shots of my kids squishing each others heads.  I use terms like glop, squidge and goop in my recipes.  What if I mess up a recipe - wait!  Does this mean that I have to measure more carefully?  I can't guess the amount.  Oh God, are people actually going to try making some of this stuff.

These tomatoes have nothing to do with the recipe or the post generally.  They're just beautiful and I got them at the market today.

Now the really funny part is that if most bloggers were getting 200 hits a day they would probably quit and commit blogger suicide.  They would be devastated.  Why even bother.  But I never expected to have anyone but friends and family really into my site.  Never mind that I put my stuff on pinterest and tasteologie and whatever that other one is... I never expected anybody would really check it.  So, despite what my facebook friends list reads, I don't have 200 close friends and family to keep my daily hits up there.  I'm actually getting checked out... kinda like a 'getting checked out' thing... and now I feel like I'm kinda obligated to keep up appearances... to give a crap,comb my hair and wear mascara.  Maybe try wearing heels.  It's freaking me out.
I gotta get my mind around this one.  I can completely understand why people look to sabotage their own success - it's just as terrifying as failing.  Realistically though, I'm sure that tomorrow I'll have like 2 hits.  It's probably just today... right?
Just to test the waters, I'm putting this lame-ass recipe out there.  It's so dumb because it just happened.  D called and said that things with the kids were running late so could I have some food ready for 5:20 'cause we have a soccer game at 6.  At 4:45 I started this and finished by 5:10.  Done.



Cauliflower, Bacon and Mushroom Kitchen Sink Hash
serves 3

2 cups cauliflower, broken up into florets
2 cups button mushrooms, halved
2 slices of bacon (mine are from the farm and they're pretty big), diced
2 tbsp (maybe 3) oil or lard

Heat a heavy bottomed pot or caste iron something or other over medium heat.
Once hot add in the oil and the cauliflower.  Cook for about 4 minutes.  Reduce the heat to medium/low.  Add in the mushrooms and the diced bacon.
Cook together for about 10 minutes or until the cauliflower is browned but kinda tender.

Sometimes you get a message or a card or an email or whatever and it just kinda sets you off.  It's tipped you into something surprising or taking you somewhere that you weren't expecting.  Two such things happened to me this weekend.
The first thing was started by me texting my BFF on her birthday.  It's a big birthday.  It's not fifty but it's not thirty.  It's a big one and this culture has made these 'big' birthdays even bigger.  We've got expectations.  Needless to say my BFF took 3 month old and G with her to Halifax for what was supposed to be a wonderful, relaxing, birthday getaway and from the sounds of it has resulted in an inconsolable, screaming baby fest and a distracted G and a miserable BFF.  I've been texting her all weekend to make sure that she is ok.  I've been completely distracted with concern.  I suspect that the 3 month old is teething (Hello!  What! - Way too early but there are already one of two peaking through) and is therefor in complete misery.  It's just a suspicion.  Sometimes travelling with very small ones just sucks.  There it is.
The second thing was getting a message from my sister who lives very far away in Calgary.  She couldn't sleep last night and was watching a movie.  She kept thinking about how much fun we would have laughing at the goofy movie (I think it was Moonstruck - Yup!) together.  And then she missed me and decided to write me and tell me about it.
And there it is two people that I care about who are at other ends of the country and we're missing each other a lot and can't get together.  KT and I will be able to get together, hopefully over a couple of martini's and some yummy food, as soon as she gets back and settled.  It will help her being back in her own space.
My sister is another matter entirely.  We don't see each other for years at a time.  It bites.  Having family that far away just bites.  My brother is in Calgary too (damn oil companies) and so I have neices and nephews growing up and I'm not a part of their lives.  It bites.  My kids have cousins that they essentially don't know.  They have Aunties and Uncles who don't know them.  It bites.
I spent a lot of time this weekend wishing that I could be with people who need me and who I'm missing... and maybe feeling a little sorry for myself too - I'll admit it.  I'm not going to begin to venture into the whole debate around firearms here because I'm thinking that if you've read anything at all on this blog you could pretty much guess where I would land on that one.  However, I will say that there are a lot of friends and families in Aurora who said goodbye to friends or family and will now be missing them endlessly.  They are now very far away.  And so I sit back and appreciate the fact that I can still call, skype or email.  I feel thankful that our time apart is not permanent but we are still here together on this planet loving each other.  My heart breaks for those who tragically will not be able to bridge the distance between them and their loved one anymore.


In the midst of all of this my heart needed some comfort food.  This is as close as it's going to get around here anymore.  No store bought mayo.  No store bought soup.  Straight forward ingredients and  canned tuna from a reputable source (ie.  please check out whether the brand you buy is conscious here).  It's more time consuming sure but the taste....



Tuna Casserole put together after years of fiddling by me.
serves 6 - 8

1/2 cup onion, diced
2 cups mushroom, coarsely chopped
2 1/2 cups broccoli, broken into coarse florets
4 cups greens, coarsely chopped
1/2 cups Herbs, finely chopped (I use a mix from my garden - parsley, chive, oregano, mint, dill)
2 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper sauce (optional)
1/2 - 3/4 cup Mayo (see here for recipe)
1 lg batch cream of mushroom soup replacer (got my recipe here - you can make this a day ahead)
1/2 - 3/4 cream/milk
2 cans tuna or salmon (keep the liquid)
1 1/2 cups cheddar cheese, shredded or grated
6 cups cooked pasta (I usually use penne or something like it)

Heat oven to 350 degrees F.
Butter a large baking dish - I use one that is at least 9x13 but even a little bigger will do well.

Heat a large, heavy bottomed pan over medium heat.  Add in about 3 tbsp of oil and sauté the onion for a couple of minutes then add in the broccoli.  Cook together for about 7 minutes turning the heat down a little if necessary.  Stir regularly so that the food doesn't stick or burn.  Add in the mushroom and the greens.  Feel free to add a little more oil if it gets too dry.  Cook together for another 5 minutes.
Add in the herbs, salt and pepper sauce.  Stir well.
Add in the Mayo, mushroom soup replacer and milk.  Stir well.
Add in the tuna or salmon with the liquid.  Stir well and turn the heat down if necessary - if it's bubbling too much.
Add in 1 cup of the cheddar and the cooked pasta.  Stir everything well.
Add a little more milk if it's not quite liquid enough.
Pour everything into the baking dish.  Cover with the rest of the cheddar.  Feel free to add any other desirables to the top as well.
Bake for about 30 - 35 minutes or until the top is turning golden brown and the sides are bubbling.
Remove from the oven and cool for about 15 minutes before serving.

Ok.  I'll be honest with you.  It doesn't happen very often to me but this is one of those dishes that we all found much less appealing as leftovers.  I won't say 'gross' or 'disgusting' or 'made me want to hurl'... but it's not 'good'.  That being said, if you can down most of it the day of and maybe finish it off the day after then you might be ok.  I'm not going to blame the recipe because I tweaked and changed it so much that it bears almost no resemblance to the recipe on the pages of the hallowed 'Supernatural Everyday'.
With that disclaimer out of the way I'm going to move on.


I came home and curled up in my bed for a few blessed minutes today.  That's another thing that doesn't happen very often.  Why.  Why.  Why did we ever grow out of naps?  I'll never understand that.  The world would be a different place.  In any case, the reason I was so tired today is that all week, part of last week and some of the week to come as well, I have been going to various schools throughout downtown Toronto.  My task?  To listen to and recruit as many Gr. 2 and 3 boys as possible for my school.  It's got it's ups and downs.  I get to meet great people but I also have to hear up to 50 boys depending on the size of the school.  I make a little music class out of it with games and all that but honestly it gets a little mind numbing after the third or fourth group of boys.  I get a lot of time outside walking from place to place.  I also get to some parts of town that I don't make it to any other time.  I also get to try some lunch spots that I don't normally get to either.  Like this one or this one or this one.  Those lunches are a real treat for me.  Of course, even with all the walking and trekking from place to place I'm still keeping up with my running and yoga... except for today when I just plain flaked out.  I could hardly keep my head up on the street car.  So I'm giving myself the rest of the day off.


Before I sign off from the world in general I just had to get this off.  It's been a bare week and I apologize both to you and to my family.  Like I said, this is great the first day and deteriorates significantly after that.  It wasn't my best this week that's for sure.  However, I made this kick-ass cabbage soup (I know one hardly ever sees 'kick-ass' and 'cabbage soup' in the same sentance) that is a riff on this one posted by Louisa (just because I use her first name doesn't mean I know her).  This cabbage soup was amazing and I'm totally going to make it again because it needs to be posted.  The week wasn't a total bust.

The pictures bite... it's winter, what more can I say.

Orzo and Cauliflower Casserole inspired by 'Supernatural Everyday' by Heidi Swanson
serves 6 - 8

1 1/2 cups orzo
1 bouillon cube
1 small onion, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 1/2 cups cremini or button mushrooms, quartered
4 cups of cauliflower broken into large florets
4 lg leaves of chard, kale or collards, coarsely chopped
1 cup sour cream
3 eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 cup cream
1 cup cheddar cheese, shredded
1 tbsp dijon
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp soy sauce or tamari
2 tsp thyme
salt to taste
dash of pepper sauce (optional)
1/2 tsp nutmeg and paprika
parmesan for dusting

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Get a large baking dish ready (you could butter it if you liked)
In a large pot, bring 3 cups of water to a boil, add the bouillon cube and the orzo.  Simmer for 6 minutes and then add the cauliflower to the orzo pot.  Cover and simmer for another 6 minutes.  Stir and set aside.
Heat another large pot over med. heat.  Add some oil (about 3 - 4 tbsp. because the mushrooms absorb a lot) and then add in the onion.  Stir around briefly and then add the garlic and mushrooms.  Stir and heat for about 5 minutes.  Throw the greens after that - just long enough to wilt.
Meanwhile, combine the sour cream, lightly beaten eggs and cream.  Stir to combine.  Add in about 3/4's of the cheddar and stir.  Add the dijon, worcestershire, soy sauce, thyme, salt, pepper sauce, nutmeg and paprika.  Mix.
In the baking dish combine the orzo, cauliflower, veggies and the egg mixture.  Stir well to combine and smooth out the top in the baking dish.  Sprinkle the rest of the cheddar on the top and dust over with some parmesan.
Bake for about 30 minutes or until bubbly and golden on the top.
Cool for about 15 minutes before eating.

It's an obsession.  I can't stop with the cheese sauce.  You've probably seen this a million times.  You're probably bored completely with the whole thing.  'This again'... that's what you're thinking right?  I know... I'm thinking it too.  This one is a little different though.
I used squash.  Duh.  That's all.  Well, that's not the only difference.  I roasted the squash before I put it in the baking dish.  That's worth something right?  Thing is that I'm really trying to jazz you all about squash.  Hell, I'm trying to jazz myself about squash.  I'm still getting used to this whole squash and root vegetable thing.  It's gonna take a while for it to feel all normal.
There have been some things that have helped me so far.
1.  I just don't have summer vegetables in the house.  I don't buy them.  I've got roasted red peppers and oven roasted and dried tomatoes in the freezer.  I've got my green beans from the garden and peas and corn all bagged up for use.  Aside from that we'll be eating those vegetables fresh again when they grow fresh... here, where we live.
2.  I'm combing for recipes all the time.  On the net, in magazines, in my cookbooks.  Looking for good ways to incorporate winter vegetables into our everyday eating.
3.  I allow myself to douse pretty much anything with cheese sauce if it means that we will all eat it.  Even though I am craving a squash/cauliflower/chickpea coconut milk curry, I made this cheese sauce stuff instead.  Because... I just know.


Slowly (very slowly but surely) the thought of eating squash isn't something that I have to negotiate with myself about.  Slowly.  I don't immediately think about how much I'm not going to like it.  It's not 'chew and swallow' food anymore.  I don't know if it will ever become like making bread for me but that's ok.  I'm happy with where things are right now.  If I'm not getting quite as creative as I might like but we're all eating squash as a result, then I can live with that.  Besides, squash is orange and right now, in the middle of winter in Canada, I could use more than a little orange in my life.  AND it's really good for you.  It's gonna make you strong and help you face winter head on.


Serve this with rice or mashed potato or even egg noodles if you like.  Do yourself a favour and add some squash to your life every once in a while.  Soup, curry (yearn *sigh*), cheese sauce, muffins, cake or roasted all by itself with some soy sauce and some rice.  Cook it in whatever way will guarantee that you eat it.  And don't feel guilty, feel good.


Squash and Chard Gratin... with Broccoli adapted from Canadian Living Magazine
serves 4 - 6

3 - 4 cups butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cubed (1 inch cubes)
oil for tossing squash
1/2 med onion, diced or thinly sliced
2 med cloves garlic, minced
4 tbsp butter
1/2 cup flour
3 1/2 cups milk
dash of Worcestershire
2 tsp dijon mustard
2 tsp salt
pinch of pepper
1 tsp nutmeg
dash of cayenne
2 1/2 - 3 cups sharp cheddar
1/2 cup parmesan
2 cups broccoli in large chunks
3 cups Chard, the spine taken out and torn into large strips

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Place the cubed squash on a baking sheet.  Toss in enough oil to cover and sprinkle with a little salt.  Roast for about 25 minutes a little more if needed.  The squash should be nicely browned.  Remove from oven and set aside.
Steam the broccoli until just softened (about 5 minutes) and set aside.  Using the same steamer, steam the Chard until just barely wilted and set aside.
Place a heavy bottomed (that sounds funny) sauce pan over medium heat.  Melt the butter and sauté the onion and garlic for a few minutes, until just beginning to brown.  Add the flour and stir until the flour is completely mixed in.  Add the milk little by little whisking the whole time.  Whisk regularly until the mixture begins to thicken.  Add in the Worcestershire, dijon, salt, pepper, nutmeg, cayenne and mix well.  Add in the cheddar and about 1/2 of the parmesan and mix until melted.
In a large baking dish mix the squash, broccoli and Chard.  Pour the cheese sauce over the top.  Sprinkle the rest of the parmesan on top.  Bake for about 25 minutes or until bubbly and browned on the top.
Cool for about 15 minutes before eating.

It's only just occurred to me that I could be one of those bloggers who has a 'one year ago/two years ago' spot at the end of each post.  Have you looked at any other food bloggers?  A lot of them have posted what  they cooked or baked a year ago, two years ago and so on.  And yes... it's just occurred to me that I've now been blogging for two years.
I guess that I knew the time was passing.  I remember thinking about it a couple of times - you know 'Hey, I've been blogging for almost two years now' kind of thing.
It's pretty cool, this blogging thing for me.  I started doing this largely because of my sister.  A few years ago I began a little cookbook for her and each Christmas I would add a couple of recipes to the book.  She lives very far away from me so doing it was a fun way of passing on a love of something that we both shared.  Things like spaghetti sauce, chocolate cake, chocolate cupcakes and some joke ones too.  I started to think that this could be a lot easier if it was online somewhere.  I really wanted to do a realtime cooking thing on youtube but my house is not really set up for it  - my lighting is horrible and my smoke alarm goes off just about every time I turn on the stove.  I thought it would be hilarious to shoot whatever time it took to make a recipe from start to finish - complete with kids in the background, phone calls, you get the idea.  Anyway, that went the way of many other great ideas... nowhere.  Then one day my sister forwarded me this recipe from Heidi Swanson at 101cookbooks.  Beautiful, intelligent and artful.  I loved it.  What a thing, this food blogging.
That's when the light-bulb went off - I could do this food blog thing and then my sister could access my recipes and see what I'm cooking or baking anytime.  This could be cool.  It also served my love of attention without confrontation perfectly.  I started taking pictures of my christmas baking that year, figured out how to work this blog/typing in the data/thingy, finally got my head around how to get pictures on it and all that and, well... the rest is history.  At first the pictures were really small and I'm a little embarrassed but what the hell... I did it.  I wanted to, I figured it out and I did it.


Now that we are two years on I've discovered more about myself than I ever thought I would just by doing a food blog.  I've gained a lot of respect for writers.  I've tackled some recipes that I would never have even considered before.  I've ranted and raved and probably made a right fool of myself sometimes and other times I may have achieved a level of coherence that I hadn't imagined possible from little ole' me.  In short, I had no clue what I was getting myself into but I'm really glad that I did.


To celebrate I've posted this wonderfully exciting soup recipe (WTF).  Seriously, I wasn't thinking about anything celebratory when I made the soup - obviously.  It's soup.  Goop in a bowl.  More white stuff that looks like porridge until you taste it.  I doctored this soup so far from the recipe that it's barely recognizable but when I tasted the original recipe result the boredom nearly knocked me out.  The soup contains bacon which should cover a multitude of boredom but somehow did not with this recipe.  Doctored up the soup is great although I still throw some chilli pepper flakes on the top of mine before I down it.
Special thanks and love go out to my little sis' for inspiring me to start the craziness.  Thanks to you all for reading my crap and hopefully being entertained and maybe occasionally feeling inspired to make some of it.  Cheers and here's a spoon salute to you my readers for coming with me on the two year journey.   Grab and spoon and dig in.


Roasted Cauliflower, Bacon and Cannellini Bean Soup adapted liberally from... I can't remember... a food magazine...
serves 6 - 8

5 cups roasted cauliflower (broken into florets, tossed in oil and roasted at 350 degrees for about 25 minutes)
1 medium onion, diced
2 lg cloves garlic, diced
1 rib celery, diced
4 slices of bacon, diced
2 tbsp thyme
2 tbsp salt (I was using low salt bouillon so start with 1 tbsp and add if necessary)
1 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp cayenne
1 dash saffron
2 tbsp sugar
1 540 ml can of cannellini beans (or white kidney beans), drained well
4 cups veg or chicken stock

In a soup pot (or dutch oven) heat oil over medium heat.
Add the onion, celery and bacon to the pot.  Turn the heat down a bit to med/low.  Brown together for about 5 minutes.  Add in the garlic and brown for another 3 - 4 minutes.
Add in the cauliflower and mix well.  Cook together for about 5 minutes.
Add in the thyme, salt, pepper, cayenne, saffron and sugar.  Mix.
Add in the drained beans and stock.
Simmer for about 15 minutes.
Check the tastes and adjust if necessary.
Blend with an immersion blender or ladle into a blender and blend until smooth.