We have just arrived back in Canada after a 10 day jaunt to Amsterdam and London. The trip was wonderful and crazy and deserves it's own post. It will be given what it deserves but for now I will tell you that generally kids above the age of 4 are probably more flexible than we give them credit for  and specifically that D and I have the best kids to travel with.
Among some of the people that I had the privilege of meeting was a beautiful woman at a party. She is bright, articulate, full of personality and crazy fun - generally one of those salt of the earth types that you feel grateful for having in your life. During the course of our conversation (during a big party, over the course of many hours and just as many drinks BTW) she began to talk about how lucky she felt to be with her partner whom she feared was out of her league in both looks and physique. I of course told her that was ridiculous and rhymed off some of those easy to see attributes that I've written above. It made me sad though. Sad because she was so clearly so open and loving, smart, capable, funny, mischievous, fiercely loyal... need I go on? Sad because I highly doubt that her partner was wandering around the party hand wringing about how beautiful and out of his league she was. Sad because we so quickly get caught comparing and judging ourselves against an impossibly limited physical standard. Sad because that no matter what anyone says to us, we all know that we will have to wrestle with the same inner dialogue when we wake up tomorrow. Sad because I'm there too. If she is reading - you never know - I want her to know how lucky I feel having had the opportunity to meet her and how truly beautiful I (and many others) think that she is. I have no solution.


Every once in a while you make something that everybody asks for once it's gone. In my family this usually does not include anything with visible vegetables in it. In fact, I can't remember either one of my kids asking for a repeat of something without adding 'but without the ________' to the request.
Then I made this.
The heavens have opened. The gods have heard my cries and have granted me 3 wishes - or whatever. They liked this. They all liked this. I think that kid#1 was setting up for a 'but without the asparagus' adendum but when the recipe is pretty much half asparagus and your parent is giving you a look that means internet privileges might be on the table if she doesn't like your answer, you think hard before uttering sound.
With the exception of mirin and/or sesame oil you should everything for this recipe on hand (any med/lg supermarket should carry them though and they are worth having)


Asparagus and pork stir fry   adapted from bon appetit
serves 3 - 4

1 lb ground pork (I used honey garlic sausage, casing removed)
1 bunch (med/small) asparagus, ends removed and cut into 2 inch strips
1 1/2 cups broccoli or brocolette using mostly the flowerettes
3 tbps sesame oil
1 tbsp lard or other oil
6 - 7 tbsp soy sauce or tamari
3 tbsp mirin (fish sauce)
3 tbsp sherry or red wine
3 heaping tbsp honey
1 veggie boullion cube
1 tsp worcestershire sauce
3 tsp corn starch
3 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tbsp fresh ginger, minced or finely grated
dash of pepper sauce or red pepper flakes
a little water in case the corn starch does it's job a little too well

In a bowl mix together the soy sauce, mirin, sherry, honey, bullion cube, worcestershire sauce, and corn starch. Whisk together and then add the crushed garlic, minced ginger and pepper sauce. mix well and set aside.
Heat a wok over medium/high heat. Add the sesame oil and other oil to the wok.
Add the ground pork to the wok breaking the meat apart as you go.
Cook for about 4 minutes
Add the asparagus and broccoli. Mix and continue to cook together for 5 minutes (turn the heat down a little if necessary)
Turn the heat down to medium and add the soy sauce mixture. Mix and continue to simmer for about 4 minutes.
Check the taste and adjust if necessary
Cool just a little before serving - goes great with rice.

This is time. Not coming up to Christmas. Certainly not January through March. It's this time of year. From the end of March until the end of the school year is the time that seems to slip through my fingers. I can't keep up with the date or which weekend is which because they are flying by so quickly. Before I know it the end of March has turned into the first week of June and spring has gone bye bye and I've somehow missed it all. The seasonal garden centre near my house is closing up shop and I haven't even gotten a chance to get in there let along put as much as a trowel into the ground. The rhubarb is as good as gone and I think that there might have been a long weekend and a wedding anniversary tucked in there but I can't quite remember.
I'm not sure why it happens. Could be in part due to the time change that we are forced to participate in twice a year (One guess as to which side of that argument I fall on) Might be that the days are getting longer - but one would think that might cause time to slow down a bit. Could also be that just when I want more time to stop and smell the roses that aren't quite out yet that's when everything else kicks into high gear. Concert season looms. The yearly concert tour is imminent. Events and gala appearances are piling up. Kids are gearing up for the end of the school year (and this will be our first  set of high school exams!) And let's not forget the many shows on netflix that I have waiting in my cue - haven't even touched those yet. Kid #1 and I are still working through season two of Gilmore Girls and it's taken us months to get that far.


Then there is this recipe. I was so happy that for one evening I had the house to myself. By 'evening' I mean two hours after 7pm. In that time I got the recipe out of the oven, seasoned properly, adequately photo'd and entire recipe entered as a draft. So much accomplished... and that was three weeks ago. THREE. I cringe and whither a little on the inside when I think about it for long.
As such, I've decided that Easter weekend will also be a second thanksgiving weekend for me because I need to remind myself of the things that are good and that will sustain me through the frenetic pace of the next 8 weeks.
1. Winter is gone. Even though it doesn't exactly always feel like it, it is gone. The temperatures will get better and better.
2. After months of mourning I have discovered (to quote the title here) that there is a god who cares about humanity. Here is my proof
3. Music still inspires me. Thank you D'Angelo, Kendrick Lamar, Hey Rosetta, SIA, Die Antwoord and Mafikizolo.
4. Cadbury mini eggs are no longer seasonal.
5. Nickel Brook Headstock IPA exists and is a beautiful thing.  Best part: it is available near me at a place that also serves great food.
6. I can run outside again without four layers on.
7. It is virtually impossible to destroy pork and beans.
What more can be said? I'm sure I will think of other things to be thankful for but the general theme will be unchanged. Happy Eastergiving.


My version of Pork and Beans
serves 6 - 8

2 - 3 lb pork roast
1 medium onion
3 carrots, coarsely chopped
2 ribs celery, coarsely chopped
1 med fennel bulb
4 cloves garlic, crushed
1 1/4 cup navy beans, dry
2 boullion cubes
2 1/2 tsp salt
2 bay leaf
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 tbsp worcestershire
2 - 3 tbsp soy sauce
2 - 3 cups water
2 tbsp tomato paste
2 tbsp molasses
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
pepper sauce to taste

Preheat oven to 300°F
Heat a heavy bottomed/oven friendly dutch oven over medium/low heat.
Add about 3 tbsp of oil.
Add the veggies (except for the garlic) and turn the heat down a little. Heat for about 10 min, stirring to keep from sticking. add in the garlic. Cook for another 5 minutes.
Add the boullion cubes, salt, bay leaf, brown sugar, worcestershire, soy sauce and water. Mix well.
Add the navy beans and mix, making sure that the water completely covers the beans with about a half inch of liquid extra.
Add the pork roast.
Roast covered for about 3 hours, checking every hour that the water is good and it's not going dry.
After 3 hours remove from oven and check the beans for doneness (are they soft) and the pork as well (it should be more than enough time). If it needs more time then put it back in for another 30 minutes at 250°F and check again.
Once everything is done, remove the pork from the bean mixture.
Add the tomato paste, molasses and apple cider vinegar to the beans and mix well. Check taste and add salt or more molasses if necessary (and a little pepper sauce in there as well ;-)
Cut the pork roast into large pieces (or large chunks if it is just falling apart like mine) and place back in with the beans.
Serve with mashed potato, crusty break or nothing at all.

There are a couple of things that I want to get out to you before the weekend hits.  It's canadian thanksgiving this weekend and it's not so much that I'm looking to give you some great ideas to plot down onto your feast table but more that I've got these things scratching around the back of my head needing to get out.  I want the weekend off.  I want to spend a little time reconnecting with my 13 (!) yr old kid.  I would love to see my husband for a while - we've been texting so I know that he is out there somewhere.  A long weekend really can't go by without a long, enjoyable run in there somewhere.  Maybe a colourful bike ride through the trails.  These things will cause me to 'give thanks'.  Laundry, cooking, baking, cleaning... only by necessity.
I did a weird thing a couple of days ago.  I made ribs.  Ribs are great, awesome even.  Ribs are totally easy and always get gobbled up quickly and.... I NEVER make them.  I'm not sure what exactly possessed me but there I was with two racks of ribs in my hands at the butcher shop and... Oh look, they've come home with me too.  After a few minutes of stupid easy prep and about 3 hours of low heat roasting later I had some happy people around me.


This is not a recipe you want to serve with ribs.  I guess you might want to serve it with turkey but not ribs.  You definitely want to serve it with some crusty, toasted, garlicky buttered bread... but not ribs.  Ribs need to be with ribs.  It's own thing.  Ribs are the thing that wants to take over the world and no matter what you do they will crush you.  They will over power you and they will be better than you ever imagined you could be even in your wildest dreams.  A delicious but subtle, colourful yet meek, meaty but textured dish like this is just destined to sit sad and lonely in the fridge until those damn ribs are gone.  Then, and only then, will this lovely dish get anything close to the recognition it deserves.
I used honey garlic sausages and I used romanescu cauliflower (or broccoli depending on who you talk to.  I like it because it looks like little pine trees but the white fluffy cloud regular cauliflower will do just fine.


If you happen to be someone who likes a little something weird at your thanksgiving table, or you are looking for a non-turkey kind of table, or you are really not observing the whole turkey table, cornucopia thing at all then you might just want to give this recipe a whirl.

Sausage, Cauliflower and Fennel Gratin adapted from TheKitchn.com

1 lb sausage (I used italian honey garlic), casings removed
1/2 cup onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2 cup celery, diced
1 cup fennel, coarsely chopped
2 - 3 cup cauliflower, broken into medium sized floret pieces (does that make any sense?)
1 cup spinach, coarsely chopped
1 1/2 cup chopped tomato
1/4 cup honey
1 veggie boullion cube
1/4 cup (scant) juice (I used part of a leftover juice box - apple/grape - from my kid's lunch kit)
3 tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp oregano
1 1/2 tsp thyme
1/2 tsp cumin
1 1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp pepper sauce

1/2 - 2/3 cup Bread Crumbs
1/2 - 2/3 cup parmesan, shredded
good dash salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 375° F
Butter a 9x13 baking dish and set aside.
Bring a large pot with about 2 cups of water to a boil - add the cauliflower and steam with the lid on for 2 minutes. Drain the cauliflower and set aside.
Heat the same large pot over medium heat.  Add about 2 - 3 tbsp oil and the sausage and onion.  Cook briefly together and then add in the garlic, celery and fennel.  Turn the heat down a bit and cook together for about 10 minutes, until the meat is cooked through and the vegetables are softening.
Add in the tomato and spinach and continue to cook until the spinach becomes wilted.
Add in the honey, bouillon cube, juice, worcestershire sauce, oregano, thyme, cumin, salt and pepper sauce.  Mix well and continue to simmer on low heat for about 10 minutes or until the liquid is about halved.
Add the cauliflower to the sausage.  Mix well and pour into the prepared pan.

Combine the bread crumbs, parmesan, salt and pepper together.  Mix and sprinkle over the sausage and vegetables.
Cover and bake for about 25 - 30 minutes or until the edges are browned and bubbling.
Cool for about 10 minutes before serving.

It's summer.  I realize that turning on your oven in the middle of the hottest season may not be your thing.  If you have been reading me for a while (say at least as far back as last summer) then you might have gathered that I'm not big on the grilling/bbq thing.  In fact, that is an understatement.  I don't care about it to the point of considering selling my bbq... if it were in decent enough shape to sell that is.  It's not.  There is almost no time that I even consider using my bbq in favour of my stove/oven.  I don't know why.  It's a fault I guess.
It may be one of those nature vs nurture things.  Once the weather got decent enough in southern Ontario, my Dad would unveil the bbq, clean it and get it fired up.  We would bbq on weekly basis for the most part.  Now when it comes to food, my Dad is into simple and honest.  Having said that he's come a long way - he now believes that garlic is something that could conceivably be used in a recipe without wrecking it (I think that he even goes as far as eating garlic bread once in a while), he also has been seen consuming pizza (something that the rest of us had to eat when he had already gone to bed because it was gross) and I have even seen him eat lasagna - stop the presses.  I am told by my Mom (whom I just assume is honest and trustworthy) that Dad ate chicken curry once and although I'm sure it's true I will only fully believe when I see that with my own eyes.  Back then though, Dad was a farmers kid to the bone.  Garlic was something you hang around your neck in case of vampires, pasta may or may not be a real food and only if served with potatoes as well.  BBQ meant meat, on a grill, cooked through (really cooked through) and served... buns optional.  Rubs, sauces and garlic nowhere to be found.  It didn't sell me on grilling and perhaps that is what has stuck through all of these years.  It's a great excuse story and I'm just gonna go with it.
We will fire up the bbq if we are having people over for dinner or a big party or something but it seems like such a bother to do it otherwise.  And we make sauces.  Sauces are essential - D is the sauce man for the most part.  The sauces get put on everything.  Would you like some chicken with your sauce would not be an inappropriate question.  Veggies are also essential.  On a skewer, preferably marinated and when done right might just outshine the burgers and chicken.  It's a production.


No grill was harmed in the making of this recipe. A oven was heated up about it though but unharmed as it turns out.  For those of you who may be hardcore bbq people at this time of year I think that there may be a very good way to make this whole recipe happen on your grill.  You could grill your veggies in the marinade at low heat and then get the grill up just a bit and do the pie itself.
This has nothing to do with anything really but I thought that you all should know that kid #2 has eaten only hotdogs for the last 60 hrs.  Extended 8th birthday celebrations.  I'm not joking... even for breakfast.



Fennel, Pepper and Sausage Crostata
serves 4

Crust:
2 cups flour
1 cup unsalted butter, cold and cut into 1 inch cubes
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
3 tbsp parmesan cheese, shredded
1/3 cup ice water

Filling:
1 lb sausage of choice - whole and uncooked
1 red or yellow pepper, deseeded and sliced into 1 inch thick strips
1 lg or 2 sm fennel bulbs, washed and cut into 4 or 5 pieces
1 med/small zucchini, halved lengthwise and cut into 1/2 inch strips
salt and pepper
1 tbsp brown sugar
4 tbsp olive oil
3 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 cup mozzarella
1/3 cup parmesan cheese

Preheat oven to 300° F
Place all of the cut vegetables on a large baking sheet.  Add the sausage.
Sprinkle with salt and pepper.
Sprinkle on the brown sugar.
Add the olive oil and balsamic vinegar.
Toss everything together and spread out evenly on the baking sheet.
Bake for about 30 minutes.
Remove from the oven and cool for about 15 - 20 minutes

Meanwhile:
Combine the flour, salt, sugar and parmesan together in a large bowl.
Add the cold butter.
Cut in the butter with two knives or a pastry cutter until the butter is no bigger than little peas and everything looks kinda of crumbly.
Add enough of the ice water to keep the dough together in a ball but it shouldn't be too wet.
Cover the dough and let it chill for about 30 minutes (you can let the veggies and sausage cool)

Put it all together:
Preheat oven to 350°F
Line a large baking sheet with parchment, cornmeal or a silicon liner
Slice the cooled sausages into 1 cm thick rounds
Roll out the dough (edges should be rough not even) to about 1 cm thickness and place on the parchment.
Spread the cooled veggies and sliced sausage evenly on the dough leaving about a 3 cm edge around the circumference.
Sprinkle the mozzarella and parmesan cheese on the top.
Fold the edges over on to the veggies. Brush the edges with a little olive oil
Bake for about 45 minutes or until the crust is golden brown at the edges.
Cool for about 10 minutes before serving.

I have a few problems with pesto.
I'm a little ashamed to admit it because pesto is decent tasting and it's easy to make.
My first problem is that I never know quite what to do with it.  It's supposed to work with pasta - just tossed in pasta... and not much else.  I'm not a tossed pasta kind of person typically so that's just lost on me.  D is not much of a tossed pasta kind of person either.
I've also seen it used to coat meat.  Usually chicken.  Chicken that I'm going to stick in the oven and bake or that I'm going to cook on the stove top.  Just chicken and pesto.  I'm not much of a 'just chicken' cook.
Pesto works well on bread.  As an appetizer.  With tomato and cheese or something.  I'm not much of an appetizer cook either.
The texture is weird.  It's creamy/goopy but also leafy.  That feels odd on my tongue.
It can also be a pretty intense flavour depending on how you make it - and because I make my own it can get pretty intense.  I use a lot of parmesan.  The intensity can overwhelm easily I find and it has to be well balanced out.  I always reach for cream or a creamy cheese to add in but it does add to the richness.
As you can tell by now, even though I like the idea of making pesto I'm a little lost when it comes to using it.  This means, of course, that the pesto remains in my freezer for undetermined (read: LONG) time.  This is not good for pesto... or pretty much anything.


I'm not exactly sure that pesto and asparagus/fiddleheads are a good combination but somehow this worked.  Considering I found the pesto in the back of the freezer and it had no date on it, it's amazing that this worked at all.  At least it worked the first day.  This is not one of those baked pasta things that gets better the second day.  It gets way too dry for my taste.  I would recommend making this at a time when you have a few hungry friends coming over and maybe not when you are undergoing kitchen and house renovations.
I'm not really selling this recipe I realize but if you have the right situation to serve it in OR like a sane person make about half of the recipe then you will be fine.


Asparagus and Sausage Pesto Pasta Bake
serves 8

1 lg bunch asparagus (about 1 1/2 cups), ends removed and cut into 1 inch pieces
1 1/2 - 2 cups fiddleheads, stems removed
1/2 cup red onion, diced
1 red pepper, deseeded and thinly sliced
4 cloves garlic, crushed
3 - 4 cups spinach, washed, stems removed and coarsely chopped
1 lb sweet sausage (I used honey garlic), casings removed
1 boullion cube
1 1/2 cup pesto (I used homemade but store bought is just fine)
1/2 cup chèvre (soft goat cheese)
1 cup milk or half and half (5%)
2 tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 tbsp honey
1 tsp balsamic vinegar
pepper sauce (optional - you know I'm gonna throw in a little half tsp or so)
salt and pepper to taste
1/3 cup parmesan, finely shredded
1 cup mozzarella, shredded
3 cups cooked pasta (rotini, penne), cooked to al dente, drained (save the water though) and set aside

Preheat a large sauce pot over medium heat.
Add in about 1 1/2 tsp of olive oil.
Add the asparagus and onion, turning down the heat to med/low.
Cook together for about 4 minutes.
Add the fiddleheads, red pepper and garlic.  Cook for another 4 minutes, stirring regularly.
Add in the sausage meat and mix well, cooking together just until the meat browns.
Add in the bouillon cube and mix well.
Add in the pesto, chèvre and milk.  Mix well and let everything come back up to temperature.
Add in the worcestershire, honey and balsamic vinegar.
Add in the spinach, parmesan and 1/2 of the mozzarella.  Mix well and cook just until the spinach has wilted and the cheese has melted.
Check tastes and add salt and pepper as necessary.
Add in the cooked pasta.  Mix and add enough of the pasta water to make the mixture reasonably thin (I used probably about a half a cup)
Pour everything into a large baking dish and spread evenly.
Sprinkle the rest of the mozzarella on top of the pasta.
Bake for about 25 minutes or until the mozzarella on top is bubbling and golden brown.
Cool for about 15 minutes before serving.

Yay Me.  I think that this may be the first week in many many many where I have managed to get two posts out.  I'm feeling a little self congratulatory about it and may even make up some kind of award for myself.  On second thought, maybe I will wait until my track record starts to become consistently better before going the award route.  And with that, off we go on what promises to be one of my most scattered posts to date.
 For mother's day/anniversary (which happened on the same day this year) D gave me a new camera lense which I love and am getting used to whenever I have time to play around with it.  I'm looking forward to some hikes, portraits and lots of food shots with this lens.  I have gotten a little time to play though and done a couple of head shots for D who was doing a show this week that required such things.
In other news:
1.  Our house is all over the place right now.  We have finally organized ourselves enough to fund a reno and fix project and have taken the plunge.  What this means is that I have 50% of a kitchen (which will probably become 0% very soon), that our front stairs have no flooring on them and that our backyard space is a combination of rotting deck (that is soon to get ripped out), drywall and dead cabinets.  We are purging like crazy (easy to do) and trying not to get frustrated (hard to do).


2.  Our kids have applied, auditioned, gotten letters, been put on waiting lists and finally have both gotten into schools of their first choice.  The relief I feel about this is palpable and when they were on waiting lists for one reason or another I felt a real sense of failure as a parent.  My reaction surprised me and I haven't taken time to pull it apart yet.
3.  D is having a crazy May.  I am having a crazy May and it just fuels my i-hate-december-and-may thing.  The problem is that this crazy that's been going on doesn't exactly look like it's letting up any time soon.  TIRED.  Silver lining - refer to #, sentence 2.  $$$

This has to be my worst photo on this blog... and who would do this to a cake BTW?  A seven year old apparently.

4.  I haven't baked in a long time - except for today when I was asked by kid #2 for a cake to celebrate his school acceptance (please refer to item #1).  I haven't calculated how long exactly but it's a long time for me - over a month for sure.  Feels weird... when I have time to think about it.  I also haven't gotten my bike out yet.  This is very very weird and it has to end.  I took my bike in for the annual tune up today.
5.  I had an interesting conversation with a colleague about how I am doing (or not doing) and what some strategies might be to feel better about myself.  My non-work life is angst ridden and changing all the time which is guess is normal and healthy.  Parenting is stressing me out... I'm learning to deal with it.
6.  It's a good thing that I remembered to pull this out of the fridge, heat a bowl up and take some pictures of it the day after I made it because very very shortly after that it was gone.  Of course that's a good thing because it means that it tasted good.  Even better is that this is good for you (I'm going to studiously avoid using 'healthy').  There is meat in here but you could definitely leave it out and add in more beans without losing much.  I get more buy in with kids when the meat is present.  If the meat doesn't buy you anything then go for a meatless version.

Playing with the new lens and nailing the background focus totally.

7.  You may be wondering why you haven't seen these wonderful, life changing pictures of the fiddlehead ragu.  Turns out, after all of my self congratulation, that my sd card got compromised.  So I have some lovely reno shots, a shot of basil and some of the cake that kid #2 asked for (refer to item #2).  Well that's funny.  After going back to bed and crying into my pillow for a while, D suggested I post the recipe anyway because it was so good.  The flattery worked and even though you are seeing tools, basil and a cake this is a really good recipe that you should try and if you think to take pictures send them to me please.

Fiddleheads, Sausage and Bean ragu
serves 6 - 8

1/2 cup onion, diced
2 med carrots, coarsely sliced
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1 lb sausage, uncooked and cut into slices
1 1/2 boullion cubes
1 tbsp dried oregano
1 tbsp dried basil
2 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
2 1/2 (approx) cups fiddleheads, stem tips removed
2 - 3 cups spinach, stems remove and coarsely chopped
1 1/2 tsp cumin
1 1/2 tsp salt
400 ml (1 small can) cannellini beans, half drained
1/3 cup water (optional)
1/2 tsp pepper sauce (optional)

Heat a heavy bottomed dutch oven or pot (I used a caste iron thing) over medium heat.
Once heated, turn the heat down to med/low and add about 2 tbsp of oil or fat.
Add in the onion and carrot.  Cook for about 7 min or until the onion is starting to caramelize.
Add in the garlic and sausage and cook together for another 5 minutes.
Add in the bouillon cubes, oregano, basil, soy sauce, ketchup and worcestershire sauce.  Mix and cook together for another 5 minutes to let the flavours mingle.
Add in the fiddleheads, cumin and salt.  Mix well
Add the half drained cannellini beans and the spinach.  Mix well and cover, turning down the heat to low.  Uncover after about 20 minutes.  If it looks a little dry add in some of the water.
Simmer uncovered for about 30 minutes more.
Check the tastes and adjust if necessary.  Add a little pepper sauce.

Serve with mashed potato or rice.

In all things new and exciting this week:
Kid #2 can now ride a two wheeler without an adult (mostly me) running beside/in front/behind him and holding onto some part of his bike.  That is, he can now pretty much ride it on his own.  I'm terrified but my back doesn't hurt as much.  There's a trade-off in there I suppose.
The Emmy's happened apparently and now they are done.
Kid #1 has started attending an arts school and manages to find ingenious ways for us to empty our wallets on a weekly basis.  This week's instalment: used uniform and dance wear sale, student fees and extra long piano lessons.  Yes - it's all worth while spending.  Yes - we are broke.
My bestie KT is currently in New Orleans building a house with Habitat for Humanity.  I miss her.  You can check her out here.  She's taken great pains to ensure that she is wearing pink for the entire week - even the work boots got painted.  She'll be back soon thank god.
My birthday is in two days and I haven't given it much thought.  Dinner?  Champagne?  Truth:  I've been having trouble sleeping because I end up getting anxious that I have left something undone (Did I email that event person?  Did I call Sick Kids' Chaplain?  Did I confirm the budget?)  I drag myself out of bed in slow motion and pray for a better night to come.  Thankfully, I'm down to a total of three skirts that fit which makes the dressing decision an easy one (budget for new clothing: $0 - see paragraph #2) and my breakfast consists of the same thing every day.  I muster together some veggies to chew on throughout the day and bike my tired ass to school to check on whether I sent that email, called that Chaplain and confirmed the budget... among other things.  Who has time to think about birthdays?  And what about the budget? (See paragraph #2)  I'm hoping that D just goes ahead with something that I will be more than thankful for and doesn't wait for me to get inspired.  Whatever happens I will fill you all in because I'm sure you must be bursting with anticipation.  I won't keep you in suspense for long, don't worry.


I wasn't going to post this recipe because I wasn't sure about it.  I made it up.  Not really.  It's so many years of working with veggies and reading recipes that I've probably seen this a million times.  If I take credit for it then I feel weird but I don't know who to credit it to.  Dilemma.  However, it turned out so well last week when I made it the first time that D told me it needed to be on the blog.  Blog-worthy.
Once declared Blog-worthy, I decided that so-said-so-done and got the ingredients in my food box again.  The best news is that it's still all Ontario veggies so I don't feel conflicted about this like I did with the peach muffins.  When I made it for the second time I wasn't sure how it would turn out (again) because I hadn't really paid much attention to how I did things the first time.  I think that even though I pulled this out of my proverbial ass, it has turned out well.  D said so.


Eggplant, Pepper and Sausage Sauce
serves 6

1 med/lg eggplant (about 7 cups total) diced into 1 inch cubes
1/2 onion (or 1 shallot), thinly sliced
2 peppers (red, orange or yellow), deseeded and thinly sliced
2 lg cloves garlic, crushed
1 lb sausage (I used honey garlic), coarsely chopped
2 lg tomato, diced small
liberal amounts of oil
3 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp honey
1 tbsp each, oregano, basil, rosemary
2 tsp salt
generous pinch of pepper
dash of pepper sauce (optional)

Heat a large wok or dutch oven over medium heat until almost smoking.
Turn the heat down a little and add a generous amount of oil.  Throw in half of the diced eggplant.  Saute in the oil until the batch is nicely golden and is soft.  Remove with a slotted spoon to a plate or dish and continue with the other half of the eggplant.  Once done, set the whole thing aside.
Add a little more oil to the pot.  Throw in the sliced peppers.  Toss around for a couple of minutes.
Add in the garlic and toss around for another couple of minutes.
Add in the worcestershire sauce and soy sauce (and pepper sauce if you are so inclined) and cook the peppers for another 2 - 3 minutes.
Add the chopped sausage.
Cook together for about 5 minutes or until the sausage pieces are beginning to look cooked through.
Add in the tomatoes.  Stir well and cook together for another 5 minutes.
Turn the heat down to low and add the honey, oregano, basil, rosemary and salt.  Stir.
Add the eggplant back in and mix well.
Simmer for about 45 minutes on low or until the eggplant disintegrates completely.
Serve with egg noodles or pasta and maybe throw on some grated parmesan for good measure.

I have learned a lot this summer.
I have learned that 7 yr olds talk a lot.  A hell of a lot.  I'd forgotten how much they talk.  Twelve year olds talk a lot too but it's mostly about things that make sense so it feels more interactive and less like I'm getting hit over the head with words.
I have learned that both Kid #1 and #2 quite possibly get their 'gift of gab' from me because I have a tendency to talk a lot at inopportune times... like when someone next to me is trying to sleep.
I have learned that there is a way for my bike to get pimped so that I can have two fenders: a front and a back.  This knowledge will not only save me about $700 (I don't need to buy a new bike this year) it has also changed my life.
I have learned that chocolate does not own me and I don't own it.  We can coexist happily and I can eat it if and when I feel like it and it can sit in my cupboard and neither of us are the lesser for it.  In fact, I have learned that my sweet tooth isn't a constant.  This has made for a cooler summer (very little oven activity) and less money for Lindt.  I don't think they're feeling it though.
I have learned that sometimes a vacation with two kids doesn't actually feel like a vacation and that maybe it's worth having them bring a friend next time.  This is problematic because we don't have room  in our car for two friends unless one can fit into a trunk.


I could go on but I will spare you the mind blowing details.  Needless to say, all of this learning has left me feeling a little empty on the inside.  A couple of days ago I was so embedded in the couch (which is a new couch so it makes sense) that it took me ten minutes to talk myself into getting up to eat something.  I didn't even want to think - it took effort.  How does one make food in such a state.  Can one cook from the couch (food is off limits on my couch BTW... in fact, it's not even allowed within a foot of the couch).  It began to get critical by about day 4 of toast.  Finally what I did was wrench myself from the loving arms of the couch, take a look at what we had left in the fridge or hanging around it and then did a google search for those items.  This is what I came up with.

Please note the wrinkling, shrivelling tomato

I would say that the potatoes and zucchini are essential here but everything else is up for grabs.  You could add or subtract at will.  I almost added corn because it's in my freezer but decided to save it for soup later because I'll need to go through this process again in about 36 hrs.


Summer Vegetable Gratin Mess adapted from Yum and More
serves 4 as a main course

4 med/sm potatoes, thinly sliced (peeled optional)
1 med/lg zucchini, thinly sliced
1 med tomato, thinly sliced
1/2 cup (1 sm) onion, diced
3 small cloves garlic, crushed
1 1/2 lbs (about 3 - 4) sausage (mild italian or honey garlic are nice) casings removed [sausages are optional]
1 cup cheese (gruyere, aged cheddar), shredded
1 1/2 cups cream or half and half
3/4 goat cheese or cream cheese (I used goat cheese which has more tang and less sweet)
1 tsp dijon
1 tsp pepper sauce (optional)
1/2 cup wine (optional - use more cream or veg stock)
2 tsp salt
1 1/2 tbsp herb mix (dash each of basil, oregano, thyme)
1/4 tsp nutmeg
drizzle of honey

Preheat oven to 375°F
Butter or grease a 9x13 inch baking dish and set aside.
Heat a heavy bottomed pan or sauté dish over med heat.  Add the sausage and the onion together (if not using sausage then add a little oil to the pan first).  Cook together over medium heat until the onion is beginning to soften and the meat is just beginning to brown.  Add the crushed garlic and continue to cook over medium heat for about a minute.  Add the wine and pepper sauce (if using) and cook down until the mixture is almost dry (about 8 minutes over med/low heat).  Drain off excess fat and set aside.

Whisk together the cream, goat cheese and dijon until the cheese has mixed into the cream.  Set aside.


Begin to lay slices of the potato and zucchini alternately and overlapping in rows on the baking sheet.  Intersperse with a slice of tomato every once in a while.  Once the veggies have been placed on the baking dish then sprinkle the veggies with the salt, the herb mix and the nutmeg.  Drizzle with a tbsp or so of honey over everything.  Sprinkle the sausage mixture over the veggies and cheese mixture.  Pour the cream mixture over everything.
Cover with foil and bake for about 50 minutes.
Remove the foil and sprinkle the remaining cheese on top.  Bake for another 15 - 20 minutes or until the cheese is bubbling and brown.
Cool for about 10 - 15 minutes before serving.

There are certain phrases that have been going through my head over and over again.  The big one has been: Stop waiting to not be afraid to do anything.  It's a weird phrase and I'm giving it to you exactly as I thought it.  I haven't tried to make it unweird at all.  I'm not exactly sure why it's been running on replay in my brain for the last while but there it is.
Dealing with being afraid has been a running theme throughout my life but then who doesn't have that?  We all deal with it in one way or another.  Fear is a big deal.  I don't buy that it's not a big deal.  Just because it's only an emotion doesn't mean it's not a big deal.  Just because it's not a physical wall in front of me or a huge monster blocking the road doesn't mean that it's not a big deal.  In fact, I think that it's more easy to be afraid than not.  And it's not always about being afraid of doing something or confronting something, I can also be afraid to say no or of doing nothing.
Having this phrase rolling through my head has given me some time to ponder, to turn it around and lift it up and look underneath it a bit.  I think that being a bit older has now given me a different perspective.  I find myself looking at situations where I'm terrified to confront or things which I'm afraid to admit and I think about how I'm going to feel after I do it.  I experienced a situation recently which in the scheme of life was pretty small but I went ahead and did what I needed to do even though I could hardly swallow and my hands were shaking.  Sure, there was a desired outcome - a kind of 'ideal situation' thing (which didn't happen incidentally) - but I knew that I had to do it because I would be so disappointed with myself if I didn't.  After I did it.  After I said what I wanted to say (which was brief ie.  really no big deal) I had what was probably one of the best nights I've had in a while.  I felt so good for just doing it.  So good that the outcome didn't matter nearly as much as I thought it would.  I didn't feel like all I was made of was chicken s$#@.
That, my Peeps, makes me think about the bigger things.  Is it possible that those bigger things that I'm terrified might work the same way.  If I look those bad boys in the face (and be so scared that I possibly have an accident on the spot) how good will I feel afterwards.  How proud of myself will I be?  Will it matter whether the outcome was the one I was looking for?  It feels good to be proud of yourself.  I know this already from performing.  When you've done the work, when you know it's good and you have something to say and get up there and you say it... even though you're scared.  It feels great.  I never thought about how that could transfer into the other areas of my life.  I've got some thinking to do now.


This, of course, has nothing to do with the recipe here... or maybe it does, I'm not sure.  I got some fiddleheads this past week along with some ramps and stinging nettles.  I love fiddleheads but decided not to stress out about making them into some kind of thing in which they are the only star of the show. I just wanted to eat them.  So I made this.  I had mine on top of some salad greens because it just made sense to me at the time but you certainly don't have to do that.  Adding the saffron and the chipotle powder changed the whole dish and I liked where it went.


Spicy Fiddlehead Orzo
serves 6 - 8

1/2 cup onion, diced
1 cup mushrooms, halved
4 cups fiddleheads
4 cloves garlic, crushed
3/4 lb (about 2 cups) ground pork, lamb or seasoned tempeh
1 1/4 cup orzo (uncooked)
3 cups veggie or chicken broth
1/2 cup wine (white or red - whatever you have around)
1/2 tsp each - basil, oregano, parsley
1/2 tsp saffron
1/2 tsp chipotle powder
2 tsp chili powder
2 tsp honey
1 1/2 tsp salt (to taste)

Heat a large, heavy bottomed pot over medium heat.
Add about 3 tbsp of oil or grease.
Add the onion and mushrooms and cook for about 4 minutes.
Turn the heat down to med/low and add the fiddleheads and garlic.  Cook together for about 3 minutes.
Add in the ground meat or tempeh and cook for another 4 minutes.  Stir when necessary to keep from sticking to the bottom.
Add the orzo and stir until the orzo is mixed well and coated with oil.
Add in the broth and stir well.
Add in the wine, herbs, saffron, chipotle powder, chili powder and honey.  Stir well.
Turn the heat down to low and cover the pot.
Cook for about 30 minutes or until the orzo has cooked through.
Taste and add salt if needed.
Serve.

I hate apologies but I feel that I must apologize for what must feel to you like yet another mindless-fluff-post from me.  I'm getting to serious things I promise.  I'm reacquainting myself with how I feel about the world.  I'm reading again and that's always a good sign.  I've been getting more than 4 hrs sleep a night since I've been back and that's a good thing too.  Despite that though, between all the crazy shit going on in the world and my own semi-permanent 'fuzz', the week has felt scattered and off at best.  Nothing has stayed in my brain long enough to congeal into something even close to custard or jello let alone concrete.  So again, you are going to get some fluffy, random, scattered, possibly weird, hopefully mildly amusing thoughts.
This is the first thing that I downloaded upon arriving back in Canada... and I mean I downloaded it in the airport.  Serious.  (I had a conversation with someone while away about music.  Yet another person who only listens to music to drown out white noise in the car on the way to work.  What?  I can't even begin to understand - I will try)
This is the second and by far the best for me.  It's blowing me away right now... all of it.
These songs got me through some very strange bus rides through Italy and some beautiful views.
Some of my Hero's (They would must certainly cringe at my vocabulary) are going to be speaking at this conference that I'm going to.  I'm beyond excited.  It's like they're rock stars to me.  And I'm weird.
Oh really?  For #$%@ sake.


I can't find word to express how much doing this on my lunch hour helped me get through the rest of the day and, in fact, the whole week.
In case you were wondering, not only did D and Kid #1 and #2 manage just fine without me around, D and I have subsequently had a conversation about me backing off more at home and giving him some more space with the kids and in the kitchen.  Shizam.  I took the opportunity to go out for a drink after work the very next day.
I seriously need to update my favourite blogs because honestly there is nothing that this blogger writes that I couldn't get behind 100% right now and this blogger makes me laugh out loud often.
I saw this 'salad' and nearly fell off my chair.  I have to make it... but not as salad.
I've always suspected this about cupcakes.  Haven't you?  There is something so rightly wrong about them.  They're aw'some'ful... I kinda want one right now.  But not really because....
Oddly, since I left Canada up to now - even now - I've been watching my sugar and chocolate appetite decline significantly.  I don't know why but I'm rolling with it.  If I don't feel like eating sugar or chocolate then I don't eat it.  This may be temporary or not.  Who cares.  What I do feel like eating are eggs.  I ate eggs almost exclusively when I got back.  Two meals a day.  Eggs with toast.  Eggs have to be sunny side up and the yolks have to be runny.  The eggs must be sprinkled with a little salt.  Today I ate eggs (sunny side up of course) over spinach with a little cheese and some tomatillo salsa that I made last summer.  I'm swapping out chocolate for eggs.


In my attempts to stretch a dollar and sneak lentils into a meal without D noticing - which incidentally did not work because as soon as he tasted it D said 'This tastes beany' (jeez) - I created this twist on my usual Cottage Pie or Shepherd's Pie or whatever the hell you want to call it because there is some kind of rule out there about what you are supposed to call it when it's pork or beef or lamb or lentils or tofu.  I don't care... I thought it tasted good - maybe only slightly beany.


Lentil and Pork Cottage Pie
serves 4 - 6

1 cup Puy Lentils (the tiny dark ones)
4 cups water
3 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp mixed herbs
1 tbsp honey
1 veggie boullion cube
1 lg clove garlic, coarsely chopped
2 tbsp ketchup
1 lb ground pork
1 med/small onion, diced
2 carrots, thinly sliced
1 cup corn
1 cup peas (you could use frozen green beans or something if peas aren't your thing)

For the Mash Topping:
5 -6 sm potatoes (3 - 4 if using med/lg) cubed
2 cups celeriac, cubed
1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup butter
1/2 cheddar or fontina cheese, shredded
1 tsp salt

Day before:
Combine the lentils, water, Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce, honey, veggie bouillon, garlic and ketchup together in a heavy bottomed sauce pan.  Bring to a boil and then simmer for about 1 hr.  Cool and leave in fridge overnight to marinate.
Next day:  Warm them up again and then throw them into a blender or use an immersion blender to puree them to the texture of goop - oatmeal kinda goop... not sure what other word I would use here.
Simultaneously:
1.  Preheat the oven to 350°F
2.  Throw the potatoes and celeriac into a large pot of water and bring to a boil for about 10 - 12 minutes (or until softened)... then drain.  Mash well and add in the butter, milk, cheese (reserve a little cheese to sprinkle on top of the casserole at the end) and salt.  Check the tastes, adjust and set aside.
3.  Heat a heavy bottomed dutch oven or caste iron (oven proof) casserole dish over med. heat.  Once heated add about 3 tbsp of oil or lard and throw in the onion, garlic and carrot.  Cook together for about 5 minutes and then add in the ground pork.  Cook together for another 5 minutes and then turn the heat down to med/low.  Add in the ketchup and the pureed lentil mixture.  Check the tastes and adjust if necessary (maybe a little salt or add a little water if it's too thick for example).  On top of the meat/lentil mixture place the corn and peas.  On top of the corn and peas spoon the potato/celeriac mixture so that it totally covers everything underneath.  Sprinkle with a little cheese on the top.
Bake for about 30 - 35 minutes or until you see that the meat mixture is bubbling up the sides a little and the top is turning golden.
Cool for about 15 minutes before serving.

Having just had a week off I've been wrestling with this nagging issue in my mind.  I found myself, throughout the week, hard pressed for energy to think of something to do that didn't involve getting to a store to pick up things that the kids were needing or plunking myself in front of a screen.  Sure, I can chock it up to exhaustion.  I can blame the crappy, cold weather and lack of sun.  Suffice it to say that it was all I could do to keep up a reasonable yoga and running schedule throughout the week and plan one other thing in the day.


Thank goodness for this book which I've been devouring (although I have to slow myself down sometimes to really take it in).  I'm not just pushing the book because the author is Canadian but because he's also kick-ass deep. Throughout the week I was reading his chapter on the image and the power of the image.  J.R.S. went succinctly through a look at western religious art and the transformations that it went through up to about DaVinci when the 3D reality kicked in.  He talks about how artists were looking for the moment of epiphany when that reality was created... except the epiphany didn't quite happen.  The paradigm didn't shift epically like they thought it would.  And then the still photo was invented and that kind of kicked paintings butt.  A perfect image of whatever it was the photographer wanted to capture.  Further still was the moving picture.  But something happened in all of that 'reality' and along the way the reality of the photo and the moving picture wasn't reality at all.  It was illusion.  It was set up.  It was doctored.  Now, we live by the moving picture.  It informs us in every way about ourselves - our looks, our expectations, our beliefs.  J.R. Saul even goes as far to say that tv is our new religion.  It's the one thing that we do, in the western world at least, ritualistically and en masse.  Except it's all staged.
It got me thinking a lot about how much screen I take in.  It got me thinking about how much I see people talking about tv shows on FB, on their blogs or in everyday conversation.  It's how we talk about it too.
'I've got to make sure I catch the new episode of...'
'I can't believe what they just wrote into that story line...'
'I can't stand that character'
'My PVR only records 2 shows at a time.  How am I going to catch everything'
I don't have either cable or satellite.  The channels we get come through our rooftop antenna.  I don't miss cable.  I don't think that I've ever even considered getting it again and that was about 5 years ago.  But I still watch my fair share of shows and it's still crap.  It's still written in this stilted, formulaic manner.  It's still played by actors who must look a certain way for everything to work.  It still wraps up into a neat little package that leaves you with a feeling of satisfaction but the desire to experience the same banal comfort next week.  Reality tv... worse.  News.... the worst.
I'm going to work toward becoming more aware of what's in front of me all the time.  I'm not going to say 'that's it - I'm cutting it out' because that's not just unrealistic, it's unsustainable.  I think that the key is awareness.


During my week off I also decided to get serious about varying my cooking again.  It's so easy to get in ruts.  My ruts include cream, parmesan cheese, greens and pasta.  That's ain't half bad.  There is, however, only so much of that one family can take.  I made some Trini Stewed Pork and this is the stuff that we made with it.  Callaloo looks kinda gross and goopy but once you put it in your mouth you realize you haven't yet lived until that very moment.  It's amazing, beautiful stuff.  It's also good for you and if you can't find Dasheen leaf you can always try substituting with spinach.  You will get quite a different taste so you might have to adjust a bit but it's still absolutely worth it.

Trini Callaloo adapted from 'Naparima Girls High School Cookbook'