I really really really want corn and tomatoes in my life... raw, roasted, grilled, sprinkled with some salt, some feta cheese added.  Whatever.  I really want it.  I've been craving corn and tomato soup with black beans.  It sounds wonderful, right.  I just can't bring myself to make soup in the summer.  It feels wrong.  I don't know, maybe I'm ok with wrong.  What I've distracted myself by doing instead is eating this ice cream.  I am currently on my third scoop - taken secretly, straight from the freezer when my kids aren't looking.  It's so not wrong.  Maple and Peach.  Maple because I had it and thought that it might be cool and I saw the combo somewhere else and it looked like it worked.  Peach because it's peach season - dude!  Where have you been.


The obligatory food box shot... I hope somebody cares because I feel kinda dumb posting this.  I thought briefly about taking shots of my fridge and freezer to show you all... why?  Why would anybody care about the organization of my freezer?  Why did the thought even occur to me?  It's a slippery slope.  Next thing you know, I'm taking shots of my sock drawer so that you can all see how well organized I am and how many colours are in there.  Slippery Slope.
I realize that summer vacation is about more than sitting in a park reading or seeing how much you can accomplish without leaving the couch.  Problem is that I'm enjoying those things so much that it's hard for me to find room to care about anything else.  If I could sit and read in the park with a drink - say a beer or glass of champagne - it's probable that I would never leave.  Unfortunately, one can't do such a thing in Ontario because we're all conservative like that apparently.  In this particular instance though it's a good thing.
I finished the second book in the Hunger Games trilogy, Catching Fire.  I have the third and final book on my kindle.  I just can't decide if I want to go for it.  I waited a year in between reading the first two and, unlike The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy, I feel like I don't need to wrap this all up and find out what happens.   Speaking of kindle - my little niece has written two books and published them on amazon for kindle.  They are both adorable... the books and my niece.
I cooked 'nuff' food yesterday.  Roasted Chicken with carrots and gravy.  Green Beans, Shitake Mushrooms and Sorrel with Soy Sauce glaze.  Roasted eggplant, fennel and zucchini Pasta sauce (recipe to come for this one).  I wanted to make crackers but then wondered what I would do with the crackers.  If I make crackers then I feel compelled to go out and get cheese to go with them.  If I go out then I should get some grapes too because those go nicely with crackers and cheese.  Once I'm out I should pick up some potatoes because we need... Ok, that's it - no crackers.  Still, felt good to fill up the empty fridge for the week.  Except that the whole time I really wanted Corn and Tomato, Black Bean Soup.


I thought you might be wondering if this ice cream is as good as it looks.  Yep.  It is.  I've eaten three more spoonfuls since starting this post... my kids still don't know.


Peach Maple Ice Cream adapted from Pies and Plots
makes about 1 litre

Custard:
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1/2 cup 10% cream
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup sugar
4 egg yolks
1/2 cup maple syrup
1 tbsp vanilla
Peaches:
4 peaches, peeled and sliced
1 tbsp sugar
1 tsp vanilla

For the Peaches:
Place the peach slices in a bowl.  Add sugar and vanilla.  Cover and refrigerate overnight.
Over medium/low heat simmer the peaches in their juice until there is almost no juice left.  Peaches will be soft and mushy.  Set aside to cool.
Custard:
Combine the heavy cream, 10% cream and milk together.
In a heavy bottomed sauce pan combine the cream mixture and the sugar.  Heat over medium heat, stirring to dissolve the sugar.
Once the mixture has just about come to a simmer, turn the heat down to low.
Stir small amounts of the cream mixture into the egg yolks, stirring to combine.  Once about a third of the mixture has been stirred into the yolks then add the yolk mixture back into the cream mixture.  Turn the heat up just a little and heat until you feel the mixture thicken and use the wooden spoon test.
Remove the mixture from the heat and pour through a sieve into a bowl.
Add the maple syrup and vanilla.  Stir and then cover with plastic wrap (placing the wrap right on the custard so that it doesn't form a crust) cool to room temperature and then place in fridge for about 4 hrs or overnight.
Remove the custard to a ice cream maker and make according to manufacturers directions.
At the end of the churning cycle add about 1 cup of the cooled peach mixture and run for another 5 minutes.
Remove the ice cream to a freezable container and freeze until hard.
Soften briefly before serving.

I know what you're thinking - 'Where's that chick pea salad that Wanda keeps promising on and not delivering'  See I knew that I knew what you were thinking because we're all so into salad with chickpeas and feta and parsley that we can't get enough.  Don't worry, I made it and it's coming down the pipe.  I've been eating it for lunch and literally feeling years peel off of me and my entire system simultaneously undergo a cleanse.  Not really.
I made ice cream.  Again.  It's weird stuff... even for me.  D HATES it... absolutely, utterly, profoundly.  HATE.  Kid #1 likes it.  Not absolutely, utterly or profoundly but she likes it.  I am in like with it.  Not love - I don't love easily... anyone or anything.  I can tell you that I used a cream cheese that was almost homemade and therefor a little lumpy.  I think that regular 'cream' cheese would do the trick for me.  The rhubarb crap is essential.

Notice the lumpy looking cream cheese in the top right corner.

So with that taken care of...  I'm thinking about high maintenance lately.  Like how in the summer my yard and garden are high maintenance and how I'm not dealing well with it because I still haven't planted a lot of the crap that I should have by now and I've only cut my grass twice so far.  (Yeah, I do know that's a run on sentence) Also, I think that I get fussy and high maintenance mixed up.  What's the diff between fussing with my hair and being high maintenance about my hair (this issue doesn't really apply to me personally in any way)  Or think about eating.  If I'm a fussy eater then I'm probably pretty high maintenance with food.  I think that maybe the two words are synonym's.  I've always thought of both words having a negative connotation but maybe they don't.  Maybe not being high maintenance is just another way of saying boring.
Kids are high maintenance and sometimes fussy too but then they grow out of that, right?  Kids who aren't a little fussy can be way too passive.  I'm guessing that a high maintenance friend would be super demanding about stuff that I probably wouldn't care about but maybe that's just what I need.  Mightn't I get bored if my friends just went along compliantly with whatever I suggested or offered.  My friends have come to terms with my high maintenance idiosyncrasies.  Things like my crippling inability to come up with a decent gift... unless you spell it out for me i.e. 'my favourite thing in the world is grey socks' or my utter indifference around make-up (a colleague is working endlessly to get me to straighten my hair.... why?), my embarrassing biking clothes, the difficulty I have listening to music whilst having a conversation and my obsession to get my friends moving more.  Damn - maybe that makes me high maintenance.


I feel very uncomfortable right now so I'm going to head back to the subject of food.  This recipe is a little high maintenance.  Custard - finicky/fussy, contains egg yolks that will curdle if handled carelessly.  Custard has to cool for a good long time.  Rhubarb sauce - needs to simmer gently down for almost an hour then it has to cool.  You have to stir it to keep it from sticking, i.e. constant attention.  Then the custard has to turn into ice cream and then you add the cream cheese and then you layer everything and then you freeze it some more and then you thaw it a little and then you eat it.  Definitely high maintenance from beginning to end but on the flip side it's not hard and it's definitely worth it.  It might be just what you need.



Strawberry, Rhubarb Cheesecake Ice Cream adapted from kokocooks
makes about 1 litre

Ice Cream:
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1 cup milk
1 scant cup sugar
1 vanilla bean or 1 tsp vanilla bean paste or 1 tsp vanilla
4 egg yolks, lightly whisked

1 cup  cream cheese (not light or whipped cream cheese)

Rhubarb/Strawberry Sauce:
3 cups rhubarb, coarsely chopped
1 cup strawberries, hulled and quartered
1/2 cup sugar
1 vanilla bean (insides scooped out)
1 tsp lemon juice

For the custard:
Heat a heavy bottomed saucepan over medium/low heat.
Add the sugar, cream and milk and whisk together until the sugar dissolves.
Cut the vanilla bean down the side and split it open using the blunt side of a knife.  Run the knife through the inside of the bean to extract all of the little bean thingies (! - I don't know what they're called really).  Throw everything in with the cream mixture.  Turn the heat up just a little.
Have the egg yolks ready.
Once the mixture is almost to a simmer turn down the heat to low.
Using a ladle, slowly add a little of the cream mixture to the egg yolks, whisking constantly.  Once you've added about 2 ladles worth to the yolks then pour the yolks back in to the cream mixture.  Continue whisking and turn the heat up just a little.
Once the mixture coats a wooden spoon such that if you run your finger through the back of the spoon the finger line doesn't run together then you can remove the mixture from the heat.
Pour the mixture through a sieve and into a bowl.  Cover with cling film, placing the cling film right onto the custard mixture so that no custard is touching air.
Refrigerate for at least 4 - 5 hrs and preferably overnight.

For the Sauce:
Combine the rhubarb, strawberries, sugar, scooped out part of the vanilla and lemon juice in a heavy bottomed saucepan.
Heat over medium heat until the mixture comes to a simmer and turn the heat down to low.  Stir occasionally to keep from sticking.  Simmer for about 45 - 55 min at low heat or until the mixture begins to thicken.
Cool completely.

To combine:
Churn the custard into an ice cream maker according the the machine directions.  Once the custard has almost set but is still soft, add in the cream cheese a tbsp at a time - continue churning.
In a large container spoon a thin layer (1/2 inch or so) of the rhubarb mixture on the bottom, cover with about 3 inches of ice cream and continue to alternate the layers, ending with rhubarb.
Freeze for a few hours.
Thaw for a few minutes to soften before serving.

It's high time that something sweet and indulgent showed it's face here.  You deserve it.  You've endures so much from me over the past weeks.  Rants about Italy - blah blah blah we're all so happy that you went to Italy.  Lists about surviving with 180 boys for weeks on end - Boo, poor You having teaching at an all boys school.  Going on about the weather and when will it finally be spring anyway.  Blubbering about my home life and giving recipe upon recipe of things that have nothing to do with treating yourself.  Whining about how busy things have been and chiming on about how excited I am about getting some rhubarb this year.
Last weekend we had an extra day off.  D completed a fantastic DIY project with our neighbour in the backyard.  They fixed the fence.  It was in a state.  Falling over, you know how it goes.


All finished, it looks great and now my raspberries are not getting crushed by a falling fence.  However, my rhubarb took a hit.  A bad hit.  A deadly hit.  It's over.  No rhubarb this year.


My heart broke a little on one side - chipped right off.  I've ordered some for my food box and I'm not going to say any more about it.
I decided to let it go and drown some cherries in vodka because somehow I knew that would help me feel better.  So that totally happened.  Cherries left the freezer.  They got drowned in vodka and maple syrup and they were very very happy about it.  Drunk with happiness.  Then those gorgeous, drunk, bad boys got roasted.  Slowly and lovingly roasted.  The cherries were then chopped in their beautiful juice and thrown into the best vanilla ice cream I've ever made.


Ice cream is something I really need to indulge in more.  Homemade ice cream is possibly one of the very best things going.  The simplicity of making something with so few ingredients - cream, milk, sugar, egg yolk and vanilla - is more than comforting, it's sheer beauty.  I needed beauty in my life this week.  There is so much going on.  So much sadness and sickness and hurt and busy that needs balancing out.  I got told earlier in the week that I'm mean.  Maybe it was one of my kids or somebody at work, I can't even remember.  It was probably a joke but it got me thinking.  I am mean sometimes.  It's weird - when I like you I hurl insults at you.  I'm joking of course when I do it - it's all in good fun, right?  Sarcastic and funny.  I thought about how my sarcasm was kinda like those boys in Gr 1 who liked me.  How did I know they liked me?  They bit me... or maybe just punched me in the arm or something.  Their hurting me was actually them 'liking' me except how am I supposed to know that because I'm at school in the nurses office getting a plaster and hoping that I don't have to get sent in for a tetanus shot.  Yup - that's me sometimes only I use my words (isn't that what we're supposed to do) instead of my hands (or teeth as the case may be).  Blech.  Sometimes introspection sucks.  What am I going to do about it now that I know?  For now I'm going to eat ice cream because the fat will help me feel better about myself - I'm not even kidding about that.


I'm going to go and get together a list of some kind of crap that you could probably not care less about for my next post.


Drunken Cherry and Vanilla Ice Cream adapted from epicurious.com
makes about 750ml or serves 6 - 8

1 2/3 cup cherries (I used frozen from last year's harvest) halved
3 tbsp rum/vodka or vanilla
3 tbsp maple syrup

1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1 cup milk
1 cup sugar
2 tsp vanilla paste or vanilla seeds scooped out of 2 pods
4 egg yolks, placed together in a bowl

Combine the cherries, alcohol and maple syrup together.  Stir and set aside to marinate for at least 30 minutes.
Preheat oven to 300°F
Pour the cherries and liquid onto a baking sheet and roast for about 30 minutes.
Cool the cherries completely and then chop then in their juice.

Combine the cream, milk and sugar in a heavy bottomed pan.  Heat over med/low heat until just barely beginning to simmer.  Turn the heat down to low immediately.  Add the vanilla seeds.  Stir well.
Pour some of the heated cream/milk into the egg yolks, stirring constantly.
Pour the egg yolk mixture slowly back into the cream mixture until it's all added.  Stir constantly (the mixture shouldn't come to a simmer again).  You should feel the mixture thickening somewhat.  You can test that the custard is ready by checking the back of a wooden spoon - dip it into the custard, run your finger across the back of the spoon and if the cream doesn't run back together and fill in the gap then it's ready.
Run the mixture through a sieve and into a bowl.
Cover with plastic wrap, placing the plastic wrap right on the custard (that way no crust forms on the top of the custard).  Cool completely and then refrigerate for at least 4 hrs.
Place the custard into an ice cream maker and run according to the specifications.
At the end of the run, as the ice cream is nearly set, add in the chopped cherries.  Run for another 5 minutes.
Scoop into a freezable container to firm up.

I don't do martyr well.  Oh sure, I play a good game.  I'll sacrifice a lot for the sake of the kids.  I don't look like your typical diva and I certainly don't act like one.  I can tell you one thing though.  I am stamping my foot on the ground and saying 'I want my hour back!'
I was reading this article... again (!) and I've realized that what upsets me most isn't what I thought it would be.  The whole calorie counting/exercise mania/to look gorgeous crap is what initially hit me.  I tried the food restriction/calorie counting in my twenties which corresponded nicely with being desperately broke and not being able to generally afford things like meat, eggs and cheese in quantities of any significance.  What I lived on I can't remember exactly but I have vague thoughts of beans and lots of them, toast, peanut butter (thank god for that one) and coffee.  What it got me was a lot of malcontent, a size 2 and digestion problems.  Glad that one's behind me.
The exercise, as you all know, is something that I'm religious about - one of the few things really.  I don't do it to be skinny.  I am a size 8 and proud.  Why I exercise is simple.  I feel wonderful, my health is off the charts (literally, as far as my insurance company is concerned) and I think better out there on my bike or on a run than I do at any other time in the day.  It's my time.  I don't do spa days (maybe spa hours but not days) to rejuvenate, I do a run.
So what finally made me mad when I read this article?  You know, after all of these years of liberation, 'equality' and authority, we women are still working at a disadvantage all the time.  We still bear the lion's share of work in the home (in most cases) whether or not we work outside of it.  We still have children and carry a lot of the responsibilities that go along with kids.  We still feel an incredible amount of pressure to look the part... well put together, of a certain size, doing all the right things.  In other words rather than freeing ourselves over the last 50 years it feels more like a 'make work' project.  I do want my hour back.


I don't want my hour back so that I can be told what I'm supposed to fill it with.  I don't want my hour back so that I can watch reality tv on cable.  I don't want my hour back so that I can wander around in a mall.  I don't want my hour to go from being told to fill it with the Jane Fonda workout to being told to fill it with... anything.  I want it to be my hour.  And that's the martyr piece that I'm not good at.  When I don't get some time - without restraint, without demands, without mental invasion - then I start to get antsy, panicky even claustrophobic.  When I go from getting up in the morning to get ourselves and kids ready, to work, to gym, to home, to laundry, to clean, to cook, to read, to sleep then I start to feel lost in there.  Today, I'm tired of feeling lost and I want to feel found.  That's it - I'm finding myself.


Today I am eating chocolate cake - maybe even multiple pieces - and I'm going for a run - maybe even a long one - because today that's how I want to fill up MY hour.


Plain Old Chocolate Cake adapted from Alexandra's Kitchen
makes 1 8x8 inch square cake

1 1/2 oz semi-sweet or dark chocolate (not unsweetened), chopped
3/4 cup coffee, still warm
1 1/2 cups unbleached, all purpose flour
3/4 cups dark cocoa powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 egg + 2 egg whites (or two eggs)
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 vanilla pod seeds
1/4 cup + 2 tbsp melted butter or oil (coconut or veg)
1/4 cup + 2 tbsp buttermilk

Ganache icing: adapted from Martha Stewart
makes enough when thickened to cover 1 square chocolate cake

3/4 cup cream
4 oz chopped dark chocolate, finely chopped
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp espresso powder
2 - 4 tbsp sugar (depending on how sweet you like it)

Grease and flour a square 8x8 cake pan.  Set aside.
Preheat oven to 300°F.

Combine the hot coffee and chopped chocolate together and set aside.
Combine the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder and salt together.  Sift and mix well.  Set aside.
Whisk (or use a mixer) the eggs until lemon coloured and slightly frothy (about 1 1/2 minutes).  Add the sugar and continue to whisk until frothy and thickening slightly.  Add the melted butter and continue to whisk for about a minute.  Add in the vanilla and the coffee/chocolate mixture and whisk until well mixed.
Add in the flour mixture and gently whisk until well mixed.
Slowly add in the buttermilk mixture and whisk until the batter is smooth.
Pour into the prepared pan and drop onto the floor or counter just to get out the air bubbles.
Bake for about 40 - 45 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean.
Cool completely before removing from the pan.
To make ganache:
Bring the cream just to the boiling point in a heavy bottomed saucepan.
Remove from the heat and add in the chocolate and salt and stir until the chocolate is melted and the cream and chocolate have completely mixed together.  Cool to room temperature (about 40 minutes), stirring regularly.
Whip using a hand mixer or whatever until it gets thick and spreadable (took me between 5 and 7 minutes)
Spread onto completely cooled cake.

It's Tuesday people, we can do this. Despite it feeling like it must be the longest week of the year. Despite feeling like winter is probably going to last forever. Even though you're pretty sure that you might never see a real, on the vine tomato ever again. We can do this. We're gonna own this week.  
I've determined, after a week of near anxiety attacks and endless frustration, to remain as 'up' as humanly possible while acknowledging the the end of january/early february time of year is about as hard as it gets.  It took drinks with my best friend (not quite enough drinks but it was a start) and over 12 straight hours cocooned in my bed to get myself back in working condition. 


Once I got myself straightened out I was able to focus. I caught up with some of my favourite blogs.  Chicken Tender is one of those blogs that just makes my day.  I love the sincerity of the struggle and the honesty in the journey.  Chandelle posted one of those 'Friday Links'  craziness, kinda things and I've been thoroughly engrossed in taking it all in.  I always love her links but this whole post in particular struck some chords.  For example, the 'I'm a Mom and I'm stoned right now' was absolutely hilarious.  I don't read Jezebel enough and it was good to get that reminder.  There was another article linked about diet and how our 'low fat/calories in vs. calories out diet craze over the last 30 years has successfully distracted women from fully accepting and appreciating themselves and everyone around them.  Then there was another article linked which was written by a writer I love but have to read in careful portions because otherwise I want to kill myself.  It seems that Chandelle feels the same way... *sigh of relief* it's so good to feel like you're not alone.  Seriously, catching those links was better than reading the newspaper for me.  It's almost like you can hear the birds singing again... hope and lightness.
I also checked out one of my favourite tattoo artists.  I wish that I lived closer to Portland so that I could get some of her work.  She's always adding cool new pictures and making me want to do this tattoo thing all over again.  You can feel some of the snow melting around you.  
Both Monday and today I forced myself back on my bike and rode to work.  Damn it was cold but I felt human and free.  The sun shone a little brighter (well, I'm sure that it did behind the clouds somewhere).  


Then I made cookies.  Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Because when you are feeling like you at the end of everything that is good and right in the world, chocolate chip cookies are what you need.  Maybe it's the chocolate.  Maybe it's the sugar.  I don't know and right now I don't care.  I only eat.  I made these with a goodly portion of red fife flour and they were great.  I'm using the past tense because they're gone already.  And rightly so.  They won't last long with whole wheat flour so if you know you can eat them all then throw some in a freezer bag for later or make the dough balls and freeze them before baking so that you can pull them out and change your February into May anytime you like.  Take that in the face, Tuesday.  

Kid #2: The Self Portrait #2

Whole Wheat, Chocolate Chip Cookies adapted from 'Good to the Grain'
makes about 3 dozen medium sized cookies

2 cups whole wheat or red fife flour
1 cup unbleached, all purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp instant espresso powder (could be added to the wet mix too)
1/2 tsp cinnamon

1 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla OR scrap out the seeds from one vanilla bean
6 oz dark or bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
2 oz cocoa nibs OR just use more dark chocolate

Preheat oven to 350°F.
Line a cookie sheet with parchment or a silicon liner and set aside.

Combine both flours, baking powder, baking soda, salt, espresso powder and cinnamon together in a bowl.  Mix and set aside.
In another bowl beat together the butter and both sugars until light and fluffy (you can use a hand or stand mixer for this).  Gradually add the eggs one at a time mixing completely after each one.  Add in the vanilla or vanilla bean and continue to mix.
Slowly add the flour to the butter mixture - if using a mixer do it slowly so that the flour doesn't fly everywhere - and mix well until all the flour is mixed completely with the butter mixture.  Add in the chocolate and the cocoa nibs and stir to mix.
Use about 1 1/2 tbsp of cookie dough and form into a ball.  Place on the prepared cookie sheet and make sure there is a little room for the cookies to spread.
Bake for about 12 minutes (in my oven - the recipe called for about 16 min. so I would check after about 12 and if they need longer then go from there.  I totally lost one whole try of cookies because they burned on the bottom - sad face)
Remove the cookies from the cookie sheet and cool on a wire rack.  Store in an airtight container.

We are getting ready for a birthday party around here today.  Kid #2 is having a few (7 - !!!) friends over for water balloon throwing, cupcake eating, silly game playing, piñata breaking fun... D and I are praying that we make it out with enough energy to end the day clinking our beers together.
I have to admit that I am an epic fail at birthday parties.  I don't enjoy them first of all.  I have done almost nothing or as close as I can get to it for the last 2 or 3 years with both my kids.  They always get whatever they would like at home... ask for a cake... what's your favourite meal... here's a great present... that kind of thing.  But when it comes to getting a party together I fizzle completely.  I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I'm basically anti-social.  I don't know why but there it is.  Kid #1's birthday is on December 31st.  This year it was an overwhelming disaster.  I don't know if I'll ever be forgiven.  After that recent debacle I felt like I had some serious birthday redeeming to do and so embarked on organizing a party for Kid #2.  (I'm already working on getting my head around Kid #1's twelfth birthday coming up at the end of this year, don't worry).
There is nothing that I would love to do more than run to the beach, meet my friend for a coffee, hang out in a bookstore, go for a loooong run or simply hang out in bed.  But instead I am baking cupcakes and icing them, cleaning up my back yard, getting loot bags ready and stringing up streamers outside.  Kid #2 is beyond excited and Kid #1 has the games handled (bless her 11 1/2 yr old heart!).  D will be taking pictures, assisting with the management of water balloons and generally keeping me sane whenever needed.
I won't be posting any food from the party because I'm not making anything worthy of posting.  They are having hotdogs (given from good animals, I assure you), chips (don't ask about that one), watermelon, kool-aid (I'm a monster) and cupcakes.  I'll spare you the details.


Instead I made something for me... the adult.  I have made a few freezer bags of roasted cherries.  I decided that on one of the hottest days of the years I would roast some cherries... dumb.  But they taste amazing.  I supplemented mine with a little dabble of rum which I picked up a small bottle of... totally worth it.  In my opinion, I did not use enough cherries so I would encourage you to add at will.  Honestly, I could take or leave the chocolate shavings but I suppose on a hot day if they start to melt just a little then it would be nice.
So while the kiddies are screaming and enjoying kool-aid, hot dogs and cupcakes, I will be sitting back and boozing up with my boozy ice cream... which they won't want to go near because it has fruit in it (since when did fruit in ice cream become a bad thing?) and of course they won't know it has chocolate (because I won't be telling them).  Happy Birthday Kid #2.



Vanilla and Roasted Cherry Ice Cream adapted from 'epicurious'
makes about 5 cups or 900 g

4 cups cherries, halved and pitted
3/4 cup sugar
1 1/2 tbsp rum (or maple syrup)
smallest pinch of salt

4 lg egg yolks
2 cups whipping cream
1 cup milk (not skim or low fat)
3/4 cup sugar
1 vanilla bean

1 cup dark chocolate (about 55% cocoa solids) finely chopped or shaved

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.
Cover a baking sheet with parchment or aluminum foil.
Place the halved and pitted cherries on the baking sheet in a pile.  Mix in the sugar, rum and salt.  Stir around until the cherries are covered with sugar and also evenly spread on the baking sheet.
Bake for about 30 - 40 minutes or just until the sauce thickens but before the cherries start to burn.  Stir frequently if needed (i.e. the edges start to really stick and/or burn).
Remove from the heat and cool.

Halve the vanilla bean, folding back the sides and scraping out the inside of the bean using the blunt edge of a knife.
Heat the sugar in a heavy bottomed saucepan only briefly.  Stir in the cream, milk and vanilla bean (scrapings and all) and begin to heat over med/low heat until the mixture is barely approaching a simmer but definitely not a rolling boil.  Turn the heat down to low.
Add a ladle full of the warm cream mixture to the egg yolks and whisk until incorporated.  Whisk the egg yolk mixture back into the cream mixture that is heating on the stove.  Stir constantly (to prevent sticking and/or burning) and after a few minutes test to see if the mixture will remain separated when you do the wooden spoon test.  Once that's settled pour the mixture through a sieve, cover completely with cling film (right down onto the top of the custard otherwise it will get a tough skin on top) and cool to room temperature.  Then place in fridge to cool for another 4 - 24 hrs depending on your time.  You do want the entire mixture to be very cold but not freezing.
Pour into an ice cream maker and churn according to the manufacturers instructions.
Once it's done remove the implements from the ice cream and take the ice cream off the stand but keep it in the ice bowl.  Gently stir in about 2 cups of roasted cherries (if it looks like it needs more to you then feel free to add at will) and all of the chocolate shavings.
Spoon everything into freezable containers and freeze to harden up (about 2 hours or so).

I capitalised everything.  This recipe deserves each and every capitalisation.
I've realised over the last few months that this blog is really about what we eat in our house.  What I make.  I show you the duds, the failed cakes, the weird looking bread.  I show you all my desperation food and my comfort food.  This ice cream is kinda my 'fill-in-the-gaps-and-stop-feeling-sorry-for-yourself' food.
You see I haven't gotten strawberry picking yet.  My intentions were... good.  In fact, they were great.  I had a day all set up with my friend C.  I would drive up to her place (about an hour and a half away) we would go picking together, we would lunch, I would help with some weeding (which is no small task) and then I would toddle off home strawberry baskets in hand feeling spent but refreshed all at the same time.  Then the day before D told me he needed the car for a gig the next day.  Then there were rehearsals and graduations at school.  Then Kid #1 had graduation.  Then... Then... I wrote to my friend C and in my frustration told her that I felt like a loser.  She was so gracious.   I still haven't gone strawberry picking.


So yesterday, I was rummaging through what's left in my freezer because I'm ready to start filling it again... fresh peas and beans are on their way.  I found a batch of roasted strawberries from last year.  Not just any plain old roasted strawberries but roasted in rum, balsamic vinegar and sugar.  Oh yeah.  I remember making it last year and thinking of all the awesome possibilities... and then I forgot about it.  Poor, forlorn bag of roasted strawberries just waiting there for poor, forlorn, strawberry-less me to find them.  It was love at first sight.
I've adapted my favourite chocolate ice cream recipe here by upping some things and lowering others but the method remains the same.  Custard.  Cool the custard.  Pour into ice cream maker.  Add in fruit mix.  Freeze.  Eat.  I had a little for breakfast today.


On a completely different note:  I've been to a lot of graduations and recitals and awards ceremonies lately.  I must confess that I wish Kid #1 was getting all the awards.  We had a conversation about it.  It went something like this:
Me:  Over the summer the only things that you need to work on are piano, theory and math.  I have a math book for you to start.
Kid #1:  Why Math?
Me:  Because we want you to feel more confident with math.  I don't want it to be one of those subjects that you end up telling yourself you can't do.  Besides, next year being grade 7 you could get on the Honour Roll
Kid #1:  Why is the Honour Roll so important? (getting a little petulant and smart ass now)
Me: It's just a way of recognizing the students who have made a significant achievement with their grades.
Kid #1:  Well, if I get 79% does that mean I'm dumb?  That makes no sense...
And on and on.  I start getting pissed and we stop talking about it.  The thing is though that the more I thought about it the more I wondered the same thing.  Why is the Honour Roll so important?  Is it a guarantee?  Does it mean we'll accomplish something later in life?  Why do we feel this need to award and reward even the insignificant.  I'm still rolling this around...
(I know it's Canada Day so I've done my best by giving you a 'red and white' dish... patriotic Me)


Roasted Strawberry Ripple Ice Cream adapted from 'SuperNatural Everyday' and Epicurious.com

Roast:
2 cups (or so) strawberries, washed, hulled and halved
2 tbsp maple syrup
1 tbsp olive oil
pinch of salt
2 tbsp rum
2 tbsp cane sugar (or sugar)
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar

Ice Cream
1 1/2 cups milk
1 1/2 cups whipping cream (heavy cream)
6 egg yolks
1/2 cup sugar
2 vanilla beans, opened and seeds scraped out
1 tsp vanilla

Roast:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Get a 9x13 baking dish ready.
Combine all the ingredients and mix until the strawberries are completely coated.  Pour into the baking dish.
Roast for about 40 minutes which should be long enough for the juice to thicken but not burn.
Remove from oven and place in a bowl to cool.
Cool completely.

Ice Cream

In a heavy bottomed saucepan heat the sugar just a little over medium heat.
Add in the milk and cream.  Stir and let it heat through.  Add in the vanilla beans (throw the whole bean in) and the scraped out seeds.
Once the mixture is almost at a simmer but not quite then turn the heat down to medium/low.  Ladle some of the cream mixture into the egg yolks, stirring constantly.  Add about a cup of the heated cream into the egg yolk.  Then pour the egg yolk mixture back into the sauce pan.  Add in the vanilla extract.  Heat the mixture through and test its readiness by dipping in a wooden spoon.  If you can run your finger through the back of the spoon and the sides don't run together then it's ready.
Run the mixture through a sieve into a bowl.  Cover with cling film, placing the cling film right on top of the custard.
Cool completely and refrigerate for a few hours or even overnight.
Place in an ice cream maker at churn until the custard is ice creamy - right at the end of the churning add in the roasted strawberry mixture.  Don't churn for long.
Remove to a freezable container.
Freeze for a few hours just to harden the ice cream.  You will want to soften it a bit before serving though.
EAT.

I'm at some seriously loose ends.  I'm feeling sad and trying not to feel dejected as well.  We've lost a wonderful Torontonian this week.  Jack Layton has passed on and may he rest in peace.  I'm going to miss  his smiling face and his warmth.  I really don't want to write about it because it makes me feel too sad so I'm going to move on to something else...
like canning.
I'm starting to wonder if I don't have a problem.  I'm canning everything in sight.  As you will see quite soon I canned grape juice.  Grape Juice People!  Who cans grape juice.


So the other day I canned almost a bushel of peaches.  It was traumatic and I think that I've already written about it.  My kids are traumatized (except in January they'll be thanking me just wait and see).  D is totally sick of all the jars and extra pots in the kitchen.  I'm watching the larder shelves fill up and feeling more and more excited about it.  So yeah... a problem.  We canned (me and Kid #1 that is) almost a bushel of peaches until Kid #1 declared independence and ran from the kitchen.  She said no more.  I still had about 20 or so peaches left though.  I honestly couldn't pit and peel another peach though either so I left it... for a day.  Then it started getting to me and I thought they might go bad if I didn't use them up.   What would I do with them.  There had to be something.  I already had peaches in the freezer too so I didn't want to do any more of that.  Next thing you know I've got the canner out again and peeling peaches.  Luckily I had some blueberries to throw in as well.
On a side note, I've been trying to find some witty, quirky, interesting tidbits to pass on to you and I'm finding that I'm flat out of ideas.  The last two weeks have been a whirlwind and I think that it's catching up with me.  My brain is thinking in overload autopilot.  You know, when you're going through all the motions that you always go through but your mind isn't in it.  It's like I have to reconnect with myself for a bit.  I don't like that feeling but it's life.
Side note done.
I don't know if you're the type to do canning but if you are then I would encourage you to try some new combinations.  I've got about 30 jars of preserves.  About 6 or 7 different fruit combinations.  I like that.  I think it will somehow make the monotony of winter a little bit more exciting.  If you do make some preserves then listen to some music while you do it.  It helps.



Peach and Blueberry Preserves 
makes about 6 500 ml jars

20 peaches peeled, pitted and chopped
2 cups blueberries (I used wild)
5 cups sugar
juice of 1 lemon
throw a used vanilla bean in there too if you've got one hangin' around

Combine all the ingredients together in a large pot.  Simmer over medium/low heat stirring as needed so that it doesn't stick to the bottom of the pot.  Simmer for about 25 minutes.  Test the taste to see if you need extra sugar

Sterilize about 6 500 ml jars and their sealing lids.  (Wash in hot, soapy water then dry and place on a baking sheet and into the oven @ 300 degrees F for about 10 minutes - NOT the lids though, they just need to be washed and dried).

Get a big canning pot ready with water and that tray thingy in the bottom so that the jars aren't sitting right on top of the heating element.  Boil the water.

Pour the hot fruit stuff into the prepared jars and place the lids on.  Carefully place into the canner and boil the jars for about 12 minutes.  Carefully remove the jars and then place on top of a towel.  Check the lids to make sure they don't need to be screwed on any tighter.  Cover completely with another towel.  Let it set for about 24 hrs.  Make sure all the lids are slightly concave - when you push on them they shouldn't give at all).  If any don't seal properly you could just use that one right away.  It will keep in the refrigerator quite a while.  The other jars can be stored for up to a year.

I recently posted this as my status on facebook:  'Wanda Thorne is not the sum of her purchases'

We've been hearing a lot over the last year or so in Toronto about how we are 'tax-payers' in our city or how we are 'consumers' in our city.  I'm not interested in being a part of something where I only matter in as much as I spend or don't spend.  I say B.S.  I am a citizen and not a consumer.

Recently I went to a big grocery store.  You know the ones.  Big parking lot.  Big carts.  So many rows of stuff that I have to read the sign hanging at the beginning of each row to know what's down there.  So many freezers that you get cold standing in the freezer aisle.  A live band playing upstairs... having an upstairs.
I usually get my grocery shopping done either by the food box or small Mom and Pop kinda places.  So this was... well, it's been a while.  I was a bit overwhelmed.  I had a short list but a specific one and even with all those rows of crap they didn't have exactly what I was looking for.  What amazed me about it was that it took a long time.  Dare I say it even.... it wasn't convenient.  It's like being at Wonderland or Disney World.  It's this little world that exists in and of itself, disconnected from the world outside.  I didn't know what time it was anymore.  There was so much meat that I got confused and just walked away.  It was a bubble and I felt like I got sucked into it and had to get out quick.  Yeah, I started to get a little weirded out.   Most people though were sauntering through, had kids with them, were listening to music... it was like an excursion.  It's not an excursion that I want to have on a regular basis.
I guess that's how it is most of the time now.  Shopping Malls are full... always.  With people who are walking around.  Are they buying things?  Are they there to get something specific and go?  Is the simple act of walking around these places just continuing to feed this message that we are what we consume?  Don't get me wrong, I don't think that shopping is evil.  We all need to shop.  But what I buy, where I buy it and when, those things do not define who I am.  I am not going to let a marketing firm or an advertising agency inform how I live my life.  When I am 'bored' shopping or going to the Mall is not the first thing that I want to do.
If I think of all that stuff that my great grand-parents had to do in a day and all of the machinery that we have now that let's us off the hook all in the name of 'efficiency and having more time' then I'm staggered and a little embarassed that we fill so much of it with buying stuff.
As a side note, I've been thinking a lot about this article lately.  I saw it on one of my fave blogs and I know that the writer is pretty out there - yeah, I'm well aware of his reputation - but I'm starting to think that maybe what we need is more of the 'kinda out there' because just kinda doing it at home and not being 'out there' is not working....


My neighbours gave me a *&%t load of rhubarb.   My head's not really around rhubarb right now but it came from their parents garden.  I'm not gonna say no.  So, I found some other fruit in my freezer and made this stuff.  Sauce for whatever you'd like.  I'd say vanilla ice cream is at the top of my list but I'm not about to tell you what to do with it.  Just try it.  It's good... really good.... and share some of it with friends.

July is seriously birthday month in our house.  Between friends and family I swear we've got about 10 birthdays during the month.  My love letter idea seems to have worked and my 'Dear Heat' has relented at least enough for me to bake just a little.
Admittedly, when it comes to actual food (you know that stuff that gives your body the crap it needs to survive and not just sugar) I'm totally and completely uninspired right now.  I'd much rather be making ice cream or.... cake.  Weird.
Cakes has been up and down for me over the last year or so.  I've been finding that some are just plain gross (i.e.  too sweet, too dense, too wet... gross) and I'm feeling a little hesitant and even anxious to just go out there and try something new these days.  I saw this cake and thought it sounded too good to be true.  Here's the thing... it's that good.
Yup.  That's right,  I looked my anxiety square in the eye and went ahead and made the cake.


So, let's just talk about birthdays for a while.  I'm the birthday Queen when it's my birthday.  I'd seriously take the day off if I could.  I start thinking about what I want and what I want to do months before the actual date.  I'm realising though that I've got a complete double standard.  I don't do well with other people's birthdays.  I'm really bad at doing the whole gift thing.  I don't enjoy it.  I don't know what to get.  I agonize over whether it's the right thing or not.  I wonder if they're just going to hate it.  Shopping is generally not my thing so... I'm not the greatest friend to have if you want elaborate, crazy crap for your birthday.
What I will do is make stuff for you though.  You'll probably get a cake (if you ask for one or happen to let slip what your fave is).  You'll get some homemade jam or rhubarb sauce (coming soon).  You might even get some cookies too.  My BFF requested bread... so I'm making her bread... and vanilla cupcakes. In fact, I'll make pretty much whatever you request.  You might also get a magazine or something totally lame that I saw and randomly thought of you.  Yeah, it's pretty wacked.


I made the awesome looking vanilla cake into a rainbow/marble thing that was pretty cool.  We all thought that the whole thing was seriously beyond.  The whole thing became like an art project for Kid #1 and #2 - getting the colour just right, mixing it and then blobbing it into the pans.  All in all, great cake, great texture, great colours and a great birthday.


Rainbow Birthday Cake
adapted from Sweetapolita
makes one 2 layer cake

6 large egg whites (approx. 6 oz) at room temp.
1 cup milk
2 1/4 tsp vanilla
2 1/4 cups sifted cake flour
1 3/4 cup sugar
1 tbsp + 1 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp salt
12 tbsp (6 oz) unsalted butter at room temp and cut into cubes (I didn't really do that part though)
yellow, blue and pink (or red) food colouring PASTE  (i.e. not the liquid stuff)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Grease and flour (use parchment as well if you like) two round 8 inch cake pans.
In a bowl combine the egg whites, 1/4 cup of the milk and the vanilla.  Set aside
In a larger bowl combine the dry ingredients and mix together well.  Add in the butter and 3/4 cup of milk (I used a hand mixer here) and mix for a couple of minutes.
Add in the egg mixture in 3 batches mixing for about 20 seconds after each addition.
Divide the batter into 4 bowls (I filled the white bowl with a little more of the batter).  Mix a little bit of the paste into each bowl - NOTE:  it won't take much to get a vivid colour so start small, I use the tip of a chop stick - until you get the desired colour.
Plop the batters into the prepared pans.  I kept my plops all separate and then used a chop stick to swirl them just a little bit.
Bake for about 25 minutes or until a tester comes out clean.
Cool in the pan for about 10 minutes and then remove to a cooling rack.   Place them so that the tops are up.  Cool completely.

Whipped Vanilla Bean Icing

13 oz unsalted butter at room temperature and cut into cubes (whatever)
3 cups sifted icing sugar
3 tbsp milk
1 vanilla bean scraped
1 tsp vanilla
pinch of salt (I forgot that bit)

Using a mixer whip the butter for quite a while, until it's pale and creamy.
Add all remaining ingredients and mix low for a minute and then step it up a bit.  Keep mixing until the icing is light, fluffy and creamy.
Use as quickly as possible.
Frost the cake by starting with a thin layer of frosting over both layers.  Chill for about 30 minutes until it sets.  Then frost the cake as you normally would.  This will prevent any crumbling from happening (Nice trick, eh?).
Store at room temp for up to 2 days, fridge for 5 days.