True Story:
I had a small epiphany at work the other day.  It was a personal epiphany as opposed to a work related epiphany.  I'm not even sure that's a thing.  Sometimes I think about things other than work while at work... it's a bad habit and I'm working on it.  So, I have a colleague who loves to come to my office about 10 minutes before I'm planning to leave.  He comes in, plops himself down and sets in for a nice ole chat.  Since he's probably the sweetest person on the planet, I tell myself that it's ok.  Even though I'm super busy trying to wrap things up and get out the door so that I can pick my kid up from school.  It's ok - keep chatting.  Tell me more... I'm changing my shoes under my desk where he won't see.  I'm trying really hard not to check my phone every 15 seconds to see what the time is.  I'm working even harder to quell the rising tide of panic in my chest.  I smile back at him but I'm only thinking about how to slow down my breathing.  When he finally makes his way back to his own office, I wait to hear his door close and then bolt.  Bolt to the subway station.  It's not until I'm on the train that I finally feel calmness restored.
In speaking to another colleague about it, how conflicted I feel because he's so sweet and how weird I feel inside when it's happening, I realized something kinda cool.  When I was a kid I took skating lessons.  I loved skating and still do.  I only stopped skating lessons because when I was about ten the demands just got too intense and none of us (Mom and Dad and me) were willing to commit the kind of time and effort that it demanded.  When I started doing lessons I was about seven - still have the super cute pictures of me in my little skating suit with the top hat for my first end of year skating show.  My skating class was at a time when the zamboni was scheduled to come on after and clear the ice - or maybe the zamboni does it's thing after every class... whatever.  It was coming on.  So even though my skating class was clear across the rink, far away from the exit off the ice and my teacher was still talking and/or showing us some super cool move once I sensed movement from behind the zamboni gates I was moving.  Can't explain it really.  I wanted to yell that it was time to end, tell everybody to start getting themselves off the ice - yep, the gates are opening now, he's ready and he's coming - why is the teacher still talking - we have to go - he's started the engine now and my teacher is still telling us about our ankles(!) - ok that's it... and Wanda is backwards skating away from her class, across the rink, towards the exit.  Wanda's teacher is calling her back but she ignores it because she is getting away from that zamboni damn it.  You all can stay but I'm leaving... Wanda out.  Panic.  I was having an anxiety attack at seven.  Almost everyday at work at about the same time I have a little mini I-have-to-get-out-of-here-now anxiety attack.
And now I know.


The moral of this story is: When experiencing daily anxiety attacks (or not) it helps to make cookies. You can eat them if you choose but you don't have to (I usually don't).

BTW - this song is haunting me.



Peanut Butter, Chocolate and Sugar Cookies adapted from 'Averie Cooks'
makes about 2 dozen med/small cookies

1 cup peanut butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 lg egg
1 tbsp vanilla
1 tsp baking soda
4 oz dark chocolate chunks
2 oz milk chocolate chunks

Line a cookie sheet with a silicon liner or parchment and set aside.
Preheat oven to 350°F.
In a large bowl mix together the peanut butter, brown sugar, egg and vanilla until light and fluffy and no longer grainy.  I used a hand mixer for about two minutes but be careful not to over beat because then the oil will start to separate from the peanut butter... gross - not the end of the world as it won't ruin the recipe, it's just oily.
Once mixed until light and fluffy then fold in the chocolate until reasonably mixed (there should be lots of chocolate)
Spoon about 1 1/2 tbsp full into your hand and form a ball.
Place balls on cookie sheet, leaving a little space between each.
Bake for about 8 minutes or until the cookie edges are just beginning to brown.
Remove cookies carefully (they'll be gooey) and cool on wire racks.

True Story: Tomorrow I report for Jury Duty Selection.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that.  I don't know what it even means really.  I've spoken with some people who showed up, were present for about 4 hrs and then were sent home 'Thank You Very Much'.  Others I've talked to have been there for a few days.  Others have gotten selected for trials that are months down the road.
Everyone has some advice on what to say during the interview - not even sure how much of an interview it is - or what not to say.  One person told me that it was a wonderful life experience for her friend (not she, herself) and that this could be an enriching moment for me.  I'll get back to you on that one.  I suspect that the reality will be quite boring, the interview may be more about whether the judge thinks my eyes are too close together or my nose too small than it will be about my character.  So after some thought I've decided on some things that I'm definitely not going to do:
1.  Pretend that I don't speak english.
2.  Ask whether I can take my medication while being seated in the jury box.
3.  Ask the judge if he's single.
4.  Pretend I voted for the Rhino party if asked my political affiliation.
5.  Wear a shirt which makes my tattoo visible.
6.  Offer to communicate with deceased relatives of the judge.

What I will do:
1.  Answer questions honestly.
2.  Bring a book.
3.  Not turn off my cell phone.
4.  Bring a lunch with me.
5.  Do whatever I need to do to make sure that I don't start to panic.



I'm not sure what's doin' this week as a result of everything above.  I've cooked up a storm to make sure that we have lots hanging around just in case.  Today I've made bread, ginger cookies with white chocolate, creamy orzo with roasted butternut squash and this.  This is something that I expected to be creamed veggies topped with a layer of crusty polenta.  What happened in real life is that the whole thing kinda baked into one thing.  What I might do if I try this concoction again is sauté slices of the polenta on each side before placing on top of the veggies.  I think that this might keep it from becoming part of the creamy stuff.  Not sure though.  Did it taste good?  Yup.  So the texture itself didn't deter the taste at all and the idea is a good one.  Just needs some adjusting.  The topping: Parmesan and chopped nuts made it for me.  This is a great dish to take for leftover lunches or to take to a pot luck kind of situation.  It easily makes a lot and it's pretty standard comfort food fare.

Kid #2 went to a cupcake decorating birthday party today and wanted me to add his creation to the  blog post.

Creamed Vegetables with Polenta Crust adapted from 'Simple Bites'
serves 6

1 1/2 cups Leeks, cleaned and sliced
2 cups mushrooms, quartered
3 cups chard leaves and stems, coarsely chopped
2 1/2 cups milk, warm
4 tbsp butter
1/3 cup all purpose flour
2 tsp salt
1 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 cup cheddar, shredded

1 1/2 cups coarse polenta (cornmeal)
6 cups stock (I used water with 'no salt' vegetable bouillon cubes added)
2 tsp salt
2 tbsp butter

1/3 cup parmesan cheese, grated
1/4 cup chopped nuts

For Polenta:
Bring the stock to a boil in a med/large heavy bottomed pot.  Turn the heat down to medium/low.
Add in the cornmeal and whisk continuously. Continue to cook, whisking regularly, for about 30 minutes.
Once the the cornmeal has thickened nicely add in the salt and butter.  Stir to mix.  Pour onto a baking sheet lined with parchment or a silicon liner and spread the polenta out evenly.  Refrigerate until it firms up to be sliceable - it will keep for 2 or 3 days.
For the Sauce:
Heat a heavy bottomed pot over medium heat.
Add in the butter, letting it melt completely.  Once the butter is melted and heated add in the flour and whisk it into the butter.  Continue for a minute or two.  Add in the warmed milk slowly, whisking constantly.  Once all the milk is added and there are no lumps, bring it to a slow boil and whisk until it thickens (should not take long).  Once thickened, turn the heat down to low and add in the salt, Worcestershire, nutmeg, cream  and cheddar.  Once the cheddar has melted in take the sauce off the stove.
Preheat oven to 350°F.
Butter a 9x13 inch baking dish.
Throw the vegetables - all of them - in the bottom of the baking dish.
Pour the Sauce over the vegetables.
Cut the polenta into rectangles to fit on top of the vegetables.
Top with a little extra shredded cheddar.
Bake for about 40 - 45 minutes or until the top is bubbly and turning golden brown.
Before serving sprinkle the casserole with the freshly grated parmesan and the chopped nuts.

Things I'm super jazzed about right now:

I'm loving all of the 2012 recipe round-ups/top recipes of/etc that seem to be occurring all over the web. In fact, all of the top ten lists that seems only to be applied to movies and celebrities are simply abundant right now.   It's the best.  Not.

I'm super jazzed that it's already January.  This means we are whittling our way through winter at a reasonable speed.

I'm very jazzed that my friend T will be in town once a month for the next 3 months.

I'm hyper-jazzed that December is now behind us and we can focus on the future.  I'm hoping that it's a brighter, wiser future.

I'm not so jazzed about all the snow that fell over the holiday time (a 'White Christmas' is not necessary for me to have a memorable time) not because I don't like snow but because I have stuff to do and snow makes it 10x harder to do if not impossible (cycling, hello).  It's winter though so I'm not bitter.

I'm super jazzed that my friend and artist has agreed to participate in my next body art (aka tattoo) experience.

I'm hesitantly jazzed about signing up for my first half-marathon since my awful bout of plantar fasciitis last year.  The reason I'm only 'hesitantly jazzed' is that I'm still really nervous about pushing things with my foot.  I have until May to work up to being super jazzed.

I wish I were more jazzed about going to Rome in April.  If I weren't going for work I would be super jazzed.  As it stands (a lot of work is involved) I'm only moderately jazzed.


I'm definitely super jazzed about this salad I've been eating.  Ontario grown spinach, clementines - our seasonal import, and pecans.  Drizzled with a lemon juice/olive oil, parmesan cheese mixture.  Divine.


I've been jazzed about these nuts since I first tried them last week.  I made a big jar of them for my Dad for Christmas (he got some other stuff too - don't worry).  I had never tried them before and they are... well, AMAZING.  Not too sweet, not too spicy and it allows the nuts to still be the star.  When you are someone who makes a lot of your own ice cream you've got a lot of egg whites knocking around.  Great way to use up... 1.  Yeah - just one.  Unless you want to do an industrial size batch then I guess you would use two.  The recipe that I used as my inspiration called only for walnuts.  I used mixed nuts and it works very well.  I'm a mixed nuts kind of girl anyway.


Sweet Roasted Mixed Nuts adapted from 'Family Bites'
makes 4 cups

4 cups mixed nuts (pecans, cashews, brazil nuts, walnuts, peanuts - I'm not kidding, I literally threw in handfuls)
1 egg white
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp cayenne
2  heaping tbsp sugar

Preheat oven to 300° F.
Line a baking sheet with parchment (ok) or silicon liner (better).
Combine all the ingredients in a big bowl and toss until everything is well coated.  Pour onto the baking  sheet and spread out evenly and hopefully in a single layer over the entire sheet.
Bake for about 30 minutes or until everything looks golden brown but not dark brown.
Cool completely and then break up and place in jars for gifting or in bowls for eating.

I just got back home after an awesome yoga class. I read a book a while ago ('Skinny Bitch in the Kitch' - not the greatest read but there are some good morsels in there) which stated that if everyone in the world practiced yoga there would be world peace. I thought that it was a gross over-exageration at the time but now... I almost believe it myself. I'm ravenous though - I know 'biker-chic', Ms 'yeah-I-run-10k', ravenous after a little 90 min. yoga class. But, there it is.