We have just arrived back in Canada after a 10 day jaunt to Amsterdam and London. The trip was wonderful and crazy and deserves it's own post. It will be given what it deserves but for now I will tell you that generally kids above the age of 4 are probably more flexible than we give them credit for  and specifically that D and I have the best kids to travel with.
Among some of the people that I had the privilege of meeting was a beautiful woman at a party. She is bright, articulate, full of personality and crazy fun - generally one of those salt of the earth types that you feel grateful for having in your life. During the course of our conversation (during a big party, over the course of many hours and just as many drinks BTW) she began to talk about how lucky she felt to be with her partner whom she feared was out of her league in both looks and physique. I of course told her that was ridiculous and rhymed off some of those easy to see attributes that I've written above. It made me sad though. Sad because she was so clearly so open and loving, smart, capable, funny, mischievous, fiercely loyal... need I go on? Sad because I highly doubt that her partner was wandering around the party hand wringing about how beautiful and out of his league she was. Sad because we so quickly get caught comparing and judging ourselves against an impossibly limited physical standard. Sad because that no matter what anyone says to us, we all know that we will have to wrestle with the same inner dialogue when we wake up tomorrow. Sad because I'm there too. If she is reading - you never know - I want her to know how lucky I feel having had the opportunity to meet her and how truly beautiful I (and many others) think that she is. I have no solution.


Every once in a while you make something that everybody asks for once it's gone. In my family this usually does not include anything with visible vegetables in it. In fact, I can't remember either one of my kids asking for a repeat of something without adding 'but without the ________' to the request.
Then I made this.
The heavens have opened. The gods have heard my cries and have granted me 3 wishes - or whatever. They liked this. They all liked this. I think that kid#1 was setting up for a 'but without the asparagus' adendum but when the recipe is pretty much half asparagus and your parent is giving you a look that means internet privileges might be on the table if she doesn't like your answer, you think hard before uttering sound.
With the exception of mirin and/or sesame oil you should everything for this recipe on hand (any med/lg supermarket should carry them though and they are worth having)


Asparagus and pork stir fry   adapted from bon appetit
serves 3 - 4

1 lb ground pork (I used honey garlic sausage, casing removed)
1 bunch (med/small) asparagus, ends removed and cut into 2 inch strips
1 1/2 cups broccoli or brocolette using mostly the flowerettes
3 tbps sesame oil
1 tbsp lard or other oil
6 - 7 tbsp soy sauce or tamari
3 tbsp mirin (fish sauce)
3 tbsp sherry or red wine
3 heaping tbsp honey
1 veggie boullion cube
1 tsp worcestershire sauce
3 tsp corn starch
3 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tbsp fresh ginger, minced or finely grated
dash of pepper sauce or red pepper flakes
a little water in case the corn starch does it's job a little too well

In a bowl mix together the soy sauce, mirin, sherry, honey, bullion cube, worcestershire sauce, and corn starch. Whisk together and then add the crushed garlic, minced ginger and pepper sauce. mix well and set aside.
Heat a wok over medium/high heat. Add the sesame oil and other oil to the wok.
Add the ground pork to the wok breaking the meat apart as you go.
Cook for about 4 minutes
Add the asparagus and broccoli. Mix and continue to cook together for 5 minutes (turn the heat down a little if necessary)
Turn the heat down to medium and add the soy sauce mixture. Mix and continue to simmer for about 4 minutes.
Check the taste and adjust if necessary
Cool just a little before serving - goes great with rice.

There are a couple of things that I want to get out to you before the weekend hits.  It's canadian thanksgiving this weekend and it's not so much that I'm looking to give you some great ideas to plot down onto your feast table but more that I've got these things scratching around the back of my head needing to get out.  I want the weekend off.  I want to spend a little time reconnecting with my 13 (!) yr old kid.  I would love to see my husband for a while - we've been texting so I know that he is out there somewhere.  A long weekend really can't go by without a long, enjoyable run in there somewhere.  Maybe a colourful bike ride through the trails.  These things will cause me to 'give thanks'.  Laundry, cooking, baking, cleaning... only by necessity.
I did a weird thing a couple of days ago.  I made ribs.  Ribs are great, awesome even.  Ribs are totally easy and always get gobbled up quickly and.... I NEVER make them.  I'm not sure what exactly possessed me but there I was with two racks of ribs in my hands at the butcher shop and... Oh look, they've come home with me too.  After a few minutes of stupid easy prep and about 3 hours of low heat roasting later I had some happy people around me.


This is not a recipe you want to serve with ribs.  I guess you might want to serve it with turkey but not ribs.  You definitely want to serve it with some crusty, toasted, garlicky buttered bread... but not ribs.  Ribs need to be with ribs.  It's own thing.  Ribs are the thing that wants to take over the world and no matter what you do they will crush you.  They will over power you and they will be better than you ever imagined you could be even in your wildest dreams.  A delicious but subtle, colourful yet meek, meaty but textured dish like this is just destined to sit sad and lonely in the fridge until those damn ribs are gone.  Then, and only then, will this lovely dish get anything close to the recognition it deserves.
I used honey garlic sausages and I used romanescu cauliflower (or broccoli depending on who you talk to.  I like it because it looks like little pine trees but the white fluffy cloud regular cauliflower will do just fine.


If you happen to be someone who likes a little something weird at your thanksgiving table, or you are looking for a non-turkey kind of table, or you are really not observing the whole turkey table, cornucopia thing at all then you might just want to give this recipe a whirl.

Sausage, Cauliflower and Fennel Gratin adapted from TheKitchn.com

1 lb sausage (I used italian honey garlic), casings removed
1/2 cup onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2 cup celery, diced
1 cup fennel, coarsely chopped
2 - 3 cup cauliflower, broken into medium sized floret pieces (does that make any sense?)
1 cup spinach, coarsely chopped
1 1/2 cup chopped tomato
1/4 cup honey
1 veggie boullion cube
1/4 cup (scant) juice (I used part of a leftover juice box - apple/grape - from my kid's lunch kit)
3 tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp oregano
1 1/2 tsp thyme
1/2 tsp cumin
1 1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp pepper sauce

1/2 - 2/3 cup Bread Crumbs
1/2 - 2/3 cup parmesan, shredded
good dash salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 375° F
Butter a 9x13 baking dish and set aside.
Bring a large pot with about 2 cups of water to a boil - add the cauliflower and steam with the lid on for 2 minutes. Drain the cauliflower and set aside.
Heat the same large pot over medium heat.  Add about 2 - 3 tbsp oil and the sausage and onion.  Cook briefly together and then add in the garlic, celery and fennel.  Turn the heat down a bit and cook together for about 10 minutes, until the meat is cooked through and the vegetables are softening.
Add in the tomato and spinach and continue to cook until the spinach becomes wilted.
Add in the honey, bouillon cube, juice, worcestershire sauce, oregano, thyme, cumin, salt and pepper sauce.  Mix well and continue to simmer on low heat for about 10 minutes or until the liquid is about halved.
Add the cauliflower to the sausage.  Mix well and pour into the prepared pan.

Combine the bread crumbs, parmesan, salt and pepper together.  Mix and sprinkle over the sausage and vegetables.
Cover and bake for about 25 - 30 minutes or until the edges are browned and bubbling.
Cool for about 10 minutes before serving.

It's summer.  I realize that turning on your oven in the middle of the hottest season may not be your thing.  If you have been reading me for a while (say at least as far back as last summer) then you might have gathered that I'm not big on the grilling/bbq thing.  In fact, that is an understatement.  I don't care about it to the point of considering selling my bbq... if it were in decent enough shape to sell that is.  It's not.  There is almost no time that I even consider using my bbq in favour of my stove/oven.  I don't know why.  It's a fault I guess.
It may be one of those nature vs nurture things.  Once the weather got decent enough in southern Ontario, my Dad would unveil the bbq, clean it and get it fired up.  We would bbq on weekly basis for the most part.  Now when it comes to food, my Dad is into simple and honest.  Having said that he's come a long way - he now believes that garlic is something that could conceivably be used in a recipe without wrecking it (I think that he even goes as far as eating garlic bread once in a while), he also has been seen consuming pizza (something that the rest of us had to eat when he had already gone to bed because it was gross) and I have even seen him eat lasagna - stop the presses.  I am told by my Mom (whom I just assume is honest and trustworthy) that Dad ate chicken curry once and although I'm sure it's true I will only fully believe when I see that with my own eyes.  Back then though, Dad was a farmers kid to the bone.  Garlic was something you hang around your neck in case of vampires, pasta may or may not be a real food and only if served with potatoes as well.  BBQ meant meat, on a grill, cooked through (really cooked through) and served... buns optional.  Rubs, sauces and garlic nowhere to be found.  It didn't sell me on grilling and perhaps that is what has stuck through all of these years.  It's a great excuse story and I'm just gonna go with it.
We will fire up the bbq if we are having people over for dinner or a big party or something but it seems like such a bother to do it otherwise.  And we make sauces.  Sauces are essential - D is the sauce man for the most part.  The sauces get put on everything.  Would you like some chicken with your sauce would not be an inappropriate question.  Veggies are also essential.  On a skewer, preferably marinated and when done right might just outshine the burgers and chicken.  It's a production.


No grill was harmed in the making of this recipe. A oven was heated up about it though but unharmed as it turns out.  For those of you who may be hardcore bbq people at this time of year I think that there may be a very good way to make this whole recipe happen on your grill.  You could grill your veggies in the marinade at low heat and then get the grill up just a bit and do the pie itself.
This has nothing to do with anything really but I thought that you all should know that kid #2 has eaten only hotdogs for the last 60 hrs.  Extended 8th birthday celebrations.  I'm not joking... even for breakfast.



Fennel, Pepper and Sausage Crostata
serves 4

Crust:
2 cups flour
1 cup unsalted butter, cold and cut into 1 inch cubes
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
3 tbsp parmesan cheese, shredded
1/3 cup ice water

Filling:
1 lb sausage of choice - whole and uncooked
1 red or yellow pepper, deseeded and sliced into 1 inch thick strips
1 lg or 2 sm fennel bulbs, washed and cut into 4 or 5 pieces
1 med/small zucchini, halved lengthwise and cut into 1/2 inch strips
salt and pepper
1 tbsp brown sugar
4 tbsp olive oil
3 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 cup mozzarella
1/3 cup parmesan cheese

Preheat oven to 300° F
Place all of the cut vegetables on a large baking sheet.  Add the sausage.
Sprinkle with salt and pepper.
Sprinkle on the brown sugar.
Add the olive oil and balsamic vinegar.
Toss everything together and spread out evenly on the baking sheet.
Bake for about 30 minutes.
Remove from the oven and cool for about 15 - 20 minutes

Meanwhile:
Combine the flour, salt, sugar and parmesan together in a large bowl.
Add the cold butter.
Cut in the butter with two knives or a pastry cutter until the butter is no bigger than little peas and everything looks kinda of crumbly.
Add enough of the ice water to keep the dough together in a ball but it shouldn't be too wet.
Cover the dough and let it chill for about 30 minutes (you can let the veggies and sausage cool)

Put it all together:
Preheat oven to 350°F
Line a large baking sheet with parchment, cornmeal or a silicon liner
Slice the cooled sausages into 1 cm thick rounds
Roll out the dough (edges should be rough not even) to about 1 cm thickness and place on the parchment.
Spread the cooled veggies and sliced sausage evenly on the dough leaving about a 3 cm edge around the circumference.
Sprinkle the mozzarella and parmesan cheese on the top.
Fold the edges over on to the veggies. Brush the edges with a little olive oil
Bake for about 45 minutes or until the crust is golden brown at the edges.
Cool for about 10 minutes before serving.

I have a few problems with pesto.
I'm a little ashamed to admit it because pesto is decent tasting and it's easy to make.
My first problem is that I never know quite what to do with it.  It's supposed to work with pasta - just tossed in pasta... and not much else.  I'm not a tossed pasta kind of person typically so that's just lost on me.  D is not much of a tossed pasta kind of person either.
I've also seen it used to coat meat.  Usually chicken.  Chicken that I'm going to stick in the oven and bake or that I'm going to cook on the stove top.  Just chicken and pesto.  I'm not much of a 'just chicken' cook.
Pesto works well on bread.  As an appetizer.  With tomato and cheese or something.  I'm not much of an appetizer cook either.
The texture is weird.  It's creamy/goopy but also leafy.  That feels odd on my tongue.
It can also be a pretty intense flavour depending on how you make it - and because I make my own it can get pretty intense.  I use a lot of parmesan.  The intensity can overwhelm easily I find and it has to be well balanced out.  I always reach for cream or a creamy cheese to add in but it does add to the richness.
As you can tell by now, even though I like the idea of making pesto I'm a little lost when it comes to using it.  This means, of course, that the pesto remains in my freezer for undetermined (read: LONG) time.  This is not good for pesto... or pretty much anything.


I'm not exactly sure that pesto and asparagus/fiddleheads are a good combination but somehow this worked.  Considering I found the pesto in the back of the freezer and it had no date on it, it's amazing that this worked at all.  At least it worked the first day.  This is not one of those baked pasta things that gets better the second day.  It gets way too dry for my taste.  I would recommend making this at a time when you have a few hungry friends coming over and maybe not when you are undergoing kitchen and house renovations.
I'm not really selling this recipe I realize but if you have the right situation to serve it in OR like a sane person make about half of the recipe then you will be fine.


Asparagus and Sausage Pesto Pasta Bake
serves 8

1 lg bunch asparagus (about 1 1/2 cups), ends removed and cut into 1 inch pieces
1 1/2 - 2 cups fiddleheads, stems removed
1/2 cup red onion, diced
1 red pepper, deseeded and thinly sliced
4 cloves garlic, crushed
3 - 4 cups spinach, washed, stems removed and coarsely chopped
1 lb sweet sausage (I used honey garlic), casings removed
1 boullion cube
1 1/2 cup pesto (I used homemade but store bought is just fine)
1/2 cup chèvre (soft goat cheese)
1 cup milk or half and half (5%)
2 tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 tbsp honey
1 tsp balsamic vinegar
pepper sauce (optional - you know I'm gonna throw in a little half tsp or so)
salt and pepper to taste
1/3 cup parmesan, finely shredded
1 cup mozzarella, shredded
3 cups cooked pasta (rotini, penne), cooked to al dente, drained (save the water though) and set aside

Preheat a large sauce pot over medium heat.
Add in about 1 1/2 tsp of olive oil.
Add the asparagus and onion, turning down the heat to med/low.
Cook together for about 4 minutes.
Add the fiddleheads, red pepper and garlic.  Cook for another 4 minutes, stirring regularly.
Add in the sausage meat and mix well, cooking together just until the meat browns.
Add in the bouillon cube and mix well.
Add in the pesto, chèvre and milk.  Mix well and let everything come back up to temperature.
Add in the worcestershire, honey and balsamic vinegar.
Add in the spinach, parmesan and 1/2 of the mozzarella.  Mix well and cook just until the spinach has wilted and the cheese has melted.
Check tastes and add salt and pepper as necessary.
Add in the cooked pasta.  Mix and add enough of the pasta water to make the mixture reasonably thin (I used probably about a half a cup)
Pour everything into a large baking dish and spread evenly.
Sprinkle the rest of the mozzarella on top of the pasta.
Bake for about 25 minutes or until the mozzarella on top is bubbling and golden brown.
Cool for about 15 minutes before serving.

Yay Me.  I think that this may be the first week in many many many where I have managed to get two posts out.  I'm feeling a little self congratulatory about it and may even make up some kind of award for myself.  On second thought, maybe I will wait until my track record starts to become consistently better before going the award route.  And with that, off we go on what promises to be one of my most scattered posts to date.
 For mother's day/anniversary (which happened on the same day this year) D gave me a new camera lense which I love and am getting used to whenever I have time to play around with it.  I'm looking forward to some hikes, portraits and lots of food shots with this lens.  I have gotten a little time to play though and done a couple of head shots for D who was doing a show this week that required such things.
In other news:
1.  Our house is all over the place right now.  We have finally organized ourselves enough to fund a reno and fix project and have taken the plunge.  What this means is that I have 50% of a kitchen (which will probably become 0% very soon), that our front stairs have no flooring on them and that our backyard space is a combination of rotting deck (that is soon to get ripped out), drywall and dead cabinets.  We are purging like crazy (easy to do) and trying not to get frustrated (hard to do).


2.  Our kids have applied, auditioned, gotten letters, been put on waiting lists and finally have both gotten into schools of their first choice.  The relief I feel about this is palpable and when they were on waiting lists for one reason or another I felt a real sense of failure as a parent.  My reaction surprised me and I haven't taken time to pull it apart yet.
3.  D is having a crazy May.  I am having a crazy May and it just fuels my i-hate-december-and-may thing.  The problem is that this crazy that's been going on doesn't exactly look like it's letting up any time soon.  TIRED.  Silver lining - refer to #, sentence 2.  $$$

This has to be my worst photo on this blog... and who would do this to a cake BTW?  A seven year old apparently.

4.  I haven't baked in a long time - except for today when I was asked by kid #2 for a cake to celebrate his school acceptance (please refer to item #1).  I haven't calculated how long exactly but it's a long time for me - over a month for sure.  Feels weird... when I have time to think about it.  I also haven't gotten my bike out yet.  This is very very weird and it has to end.  I took my bike in for the annual tune up today.
5.  I had an interesting conversation with a colleague about how I am doing (or not doing) and what some strategies might be to feel better about myself.  My non-work life is angst ridden and changing all the time which is guess is normal and healthy.  Parenting is stressing me out... I'm learning to deal with it.
6.  It's a good thing that I remembered to pull this out of the fridge, heat a bowl up and take some pictures of it the day after I made it because very very shortly after that it was gone.  Of course that's a good thing because it means that it tasted good.  Even better is that this is good for you (I'm going to studiously avoid using 'healthy').  There is meat in here but you could definitely leave it out and add in more beans without losing much.  I get more buy in with kids when the meat is present.  If the meat doesn't buy you anything then go for a meatless version.

Playing with the new lens and nailing the background focus totally.

7.  You may be wondering why you haven't seen these wonderful, life changing pictures of the fiddlehead ragu.  Turns out, after all of my self congratulation, that my sd card got compromised.  So I have some lovely reno shots, a shot of basil and some of the cake that kid #2 asked for (refer to item #2).  Well that's funny.  After going back to bed and crying into my pillow for a while, D suggested I post the recipe anyway because it was so good.  The flattery worked and even though you are seeing tools, basil and a cake this is a really good recipe that you should try and if you think to take pictures send them to me please.

Fiddleheads, Sausage and Bean ragu
serves 6 - 8

1/2 cup onion, diced
2 med carrots, coarsely sliced
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1 lb sausage, uncooked and cut into slices
1 1/2 boullion cubes
1 tbsp dried oregano
1 tbsp dried basil
2 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
2 1/2 (approx) cups fiddleheads, stem tips removed
2 - 3 cups spinach, stems remove and coarsely chopped
1 1/2 tsp cumin
1 1/2 tsp salt
400 ml (1 small can) cannellini beans, half drained
1/3 cup water (optional)
1/2 tsp pepper sauce (optional)

Heat a heavy bottomed dutch oven or pot (I used a caste iron thing) over medium heat.
Once heated, turn the heat down to med/low and add about 2 tbsp of oil or fat.
Add in the onion and carrot.  Cook for about 7 min or until the onion is starting to caramelize.
Add in the garlic and sausage and cook together for another 5 minutes.
Add in the bouillon cubes, oregano, basil, soy sauce, ketchup and worcestershire sauce.  Mix and cook together for another 5 minutes to let the flavours mingle.
Add in the fiddleheads, cumin and salt.  Mix well
Add the half drained cannellini beans and the spinach.  Mix well and cover, turning down the heat to low.  Uncover after about 20 minutes.  If it looks a little dry add in some of the water.
Simmer uncovered for about 30 minutes more.
Check the tastes and adjust if necessary.  Add a little pepper sauce.

Serve with mashed potato or rice.

In all things new and exciting this week:
Kid #2 can now ride a two wheeler without an adult (mostly me) running beside/in front/behind him and holding onto some part of his bike.  That is, he can now pretty much ride it on his own.  I'm terrified but my back doesn't hurt as much.  There's a trade-off in there I suppose.
The Emmy's happened apparently and now they are done.
Kid #1 has started attending an arts school and manages to find ingenious ways for us to empty our wallets on a weekly basis.  This week's instalment: used uniform and dance wear sale, student fees and extra long piano lessons.  Yes - it's all worth while spending.  Yes - we are broke.
My bestie KT is currently in New Orleans building a house with Habitat for Humanity.  I miss her.  You can check her out here.  She's taken great pains to ensure that she is wearing pink for the entire week - even the work boots got painted.  She'll be back soon thank god.
My birthday is in two days and I haven't given it much thought.  Dinner?  Champagne?  Truth:  I've been having trouble sleeping because I end up getting anxious that I have left something undone (Did I email that event person?  Did I call Sick Kids' Chaplain?  Did I confirm the budget?)  I drag myself out of bed in slow motion and pray for a better night to come.  Thankfully, I'm down to a total of three skirts that fit which makes the dressing decision an easy one (budget for new clothing: $0 - see paragraph #2) and my breakfast consists of the same thing every day.  I muster together some veggies to chew on throughout the day and bike my tired ass to school to check on whether I sent that email, called that Chaplain and confirmed the budget... among other things.  Who has time to think about birthdays?  And what about the budget? (See paragraph #2)  I'm hoping that D just goes ahead with something that I will be more than thankful for and doesn't wait for me to get inspired.  Whatever happens I will fill you all in because I'm sure you must be bursting with anticipation.  I won't keep you in suspense for long, don't worry.


I wasn't going to post this recipe because I wasn't sure about it.  I made it up.  Not really.  It's so many years of working with veggies and reading recipes that I've probably seen this a million times.  If I take credit for it then I feel weird but I don't know who to credit it to.  Dilemma.  However, it turned out so well last week when I made it the first time that D told me it needed to be on the blog.  Blog-worthy.
Once declared Blog-worthy, I decided that so-said-so-done and got the ingredients in my food box again.  The best news is that it's still all Ontario veggies so I don't feel conflicted about this like I did with the peach muffins.  When I made it for the second time I wasn't sure how it would turn out (again) because I hadn't really paid much attention to how I did things the first time.  I think that even though I pulled this out of my proverbial ass, it has turned out well.  D said so.


Eggplant, Pepper and Sausage Sauce
serves 6

1 med/lg eggplant (about 7 cups total) diced into 1 inch cubes
1/2 onion (or 1 shallot), thinly sliced
2 peppers (red, orange or yellow), deseeded and thinly sliced
2 lg cloves garlic, crushed
1 lb sausage (I used honey garlic), coarsely chopped
2 lg tomato, diced small
liberal amounts of oil
3 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp honey
1 tbsp each, oregano, basil, rosemary
2 tsp salt
generous pinch of pepper
dash of pepper sauce (optional)

Heat a large wok or dutch oven over medium heat until almost smoking.
Turn the heat down a little and add a generous amount of oil.  Throw in half of the diced eggplant.  Saute in the oil until the batch is nicely golden and is soft.  Remove with a slotted spoon to a plate or dish and continue with the other half of the eggplant.  Once done, set the whole thing aside.
Add a little more oil to the pot.  Throw in the sliced peppers.  Toss around for a couple of minutes.
Add in the garlic and toss around for another couple of minutes.
Add in the worcestershire sauce and soy sauce (and pepper sauce if you are so inclined) and cook the peppers for another 2 - 3 minutes.
Add the chopped sausage.
Cook together for about 5 minutes or until the sausage pieces are beginning to look cooked through.
Add in the tomatoes.  Stir well and cook together for another 5 minutes.
Turn the heat down to low and add the honey, oregano, basil, rosemary and salt.  Stir.
Add the eggplant back in and mix well.
Simmer for about 45 minutes on low or until the eggplant disintegrates completely.
Serve with egg noodles or pasta and maybe throw on some grated parmesan for good measure.

No less than 3 times over the past week and a half have I found myself intimately discussing women's bodies.  It wasn't the good kind of discussing unfortunately.  It made me sad.  It reminded me that for women body image hasn't changed much since the late fifties.  Very sad.  It reminded me that as a woman body image is going to be an uphill challenge for the rest of my life.
One conversation was regarding the royal pregnancy (which, can I just reiterate here - I don't care much about at all beyond 'it's nice they had a baby') and more specifically the royal post pregnancy body.  Now this I care about.  I am absolutely incensed that Kate is being maligned for having a post pregnancy belly not two days after giving birth.  I must give kuddo's where kuddo's are due.  Since most celebrities either don't show their post-birth bodies until they've lost all of the weight or they have surgery immediately after the birth, I must applaud Kate for what must have been a very gutsy and honest decision... to walk out of that hospital.  Guess what.  That's what most women look like after giving birth.  It's beautiful - she and her beautiful belly are powerful and gorgeous.
Another conversation was about a woman's legs and booty.  A performer was wearing a wonderful pair of shorts which beautifully showed off her ample thighs and booty.  She wasn't skinny.  She had cellulite (OMG).  She was gorgeous.  Not just her face but all of her... absolutely gorgeous.  My friend thought that, although this woman had a beautiful face, she needed to keep that thigh stuff under wraps... clothing more specifically.  Allow me to clarify that the performer was not wearing anything obscene.  To clarify further, I don't believe that cellulite is obscene.
A third conversation was about not wearing shorts... for many years because of insecurity and fear of judgment.  By the third conversation I was starting to feel frustrated, angry and even militant.

This weeks food box contents - for those interested.

So now I start thinking out loud.  Just rambling really because I can't even quite put together what is most upsetting for me about this whole body image thing.
Cellulite, jiggling, flat stomach, ripped abs, stretch marks, arm flab... hell, even grey hair.  Everything must be altered according to.. to what?  Social convention?  I don't even know but it feels like we are never good enough unless we've changed stuff about how we look and therefor we are constantly working on changing it so that it better matches what we see on a page or on a screen 'cause sure as shit our mirrors don't reflect those images back at us.  I wonder:

Why do we judge each other's bodies with such damning severity?
After all of these years, is Twiggy still the only benchmark for body beauty?
Is my daughters generation as obsessed with body image as my generation is/was?
Who cares if people think I'm fat?  I'm not hiding.

I've been reading this blogger quite a bit over the past few months.  I especially loved what she said about running and really exercise in general.  She has given me hope that there are a growing number of women out there not constantly judging themselves and others against this extremely rigid model of beauty or so-called normal.

I love what this photographer is promoting.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going to cry when I look at the pictures.

When I think about the crazy that surrounds weight loss on this continent it makes my head spin.  Keeping us  - most especially women - unhappy with their bodies means that a lot of people make a lot of money.  A lot.  Quite frankly, none of us can keep up with all of the diets and 'good' advice.


To conclude my not-so-well-put-together rant:  I don't believe that skinny is beautiful.  I don't believe that fat is beautiful.  I believe that being a woman is beautiful... whatever her shape and size.  I'm so tired of fighting against the machine that my insides hurt.  I believe that I am beautiful because I am.

Here is a recipe of food that tasted good.  Eat and love yourself.


Roasted Summer Vegetables with Sausage and Rotini
serves 6

2 fennel heads, cut into 1 inch thick slices
2 red pepper, seeded and cut into 1 inch thick lengths
2 yellow or green zucchini, halved and cut into 1 inch thick slices
4 italian sausages (about 1 - 1 1/2 lbs), halved
5 - 6 tbsp olive oil
salt and pepper
4 cups rotini pasta, cooked al dente (as per the package instruction time)
juice from half a lemon
pinch of nutmeg
1/2 cup (approx. - think a generous sprinkling) parmesan cheese, grated
drizzle more of olive oil

Preheat oven to 350°F.
Place all of the vegetables on a big baking sheet or cookie sheet.  Add the olive oil and toss the veggies to coat everything.  Spread the veggies out evenly on the baking sheet.  Sprinkle with salt and pepper.
Add the pieces of sausage to the top.
Roast for about 25 - 30 minutes or just until the veggies have browned nicely at the edges.
(Meanwhile - cook the pasta if you need to)
Remove the baking sheet and cool slightly.  Sprinkle with a pinch of nutmeg.
Combine the veggies and pasta together in a large bowl and toss well.
Add the lemon juice and toss.
Sprinkle with the parmesan cheese and toss.
Drizzle with a little more olive oil if you like.

And just like that the holidays are over and it's back to normal and I for one am so happy to be going back.  In the winter we all get a little stir crazy being inside.   Oh I wish that I were more adventurous as a parent, sure.  I watch with awe and wonder at the parents schlepping their kids here, there and everywhere in pursuit of happiness and fun.  I'm not that parent.  I'm the parent letting their kid have a cookie at 10:30 a.m. because it's the holidays.  I'm the parent letting their kid stay in pyjamas all day and doing movie marathons.  I'm the parent who might not even say a word to her kids for 2 or 3 hours because your all off in a different room... maybe napping.  I'm not out snowshoeing.  I'm not out at the mall.  We are not skating.

Note: Them - Outside/Me - Inside... maybe napping

With that in mind, we've all had a ton of relaxation and down time and are ready to brave the rest of the winter and get back to a routine.  My Christmas ham is getting it's final send-off by going  bone and all into split-pea soup.  The wine is drunk.  The champagne bottles are empty.  Birthdays have been celebrated.  Mother-in-laws have been moved.  Gingerbread houses have been decimated.  We are having our last holiday visitors over today... the tree is gone (thank god - goodbye) and the alarm clock is set for tomorrow.
Things go back to normal.  Back to waking up before the sun gets up.  Back to listening to CBC 'Metro Morning' which ends at 8:30 a.m. so I don't think I need to explain why I didn't listen over the holidays.  Back to being the lessons and classes taxi service.  Back to really listening to news and reading the papers.  A return to my normal cynicism around the politics of change as opposed to the politics for theatre.  And hence, back to my regular frustration.  It's back to piano practice and homework after school and cleaning out lunch kits.
And finally, it's back to the comfort of the everyday and food that can be transported for lunches or work well as leftovers.  Enter: Squash.


Squash - that stuff I hated when I was a kid.  Squash - the stuff I only knew as a thing that you cut in half, de-seeded (never done by me mind you) and roasted with sugar and butter.  Sometimes it was bearable and other times it was the WORST.  Squash - the food that you tolerated for dinner and hoped that something better (like taco's or spaghetti from a can) was coming tomorrow.  Squash - the dinner guest that I discovered would come out of my brother's nose if I got him to laugh hard enough.  Squash - the stuff that I thought only came in dark green acorn and bright orange pumpkin.  Squash - the food that I would never in a million years have guessed could make a rather nice sweet loaf... seriously, who knew that one.
Now, squash has become synonymous with comfort food for me.  Roast that squash and it further transforms into amazing.  Put it with some sausage, greens and cream and you've got winter heaven in a bowl.  Honestly I don't need to eat this with anything else but it does go nicely with some pasta and would do well with rice or something like it as well.


Squash and Sausage Pasta Sauce
serves 6

3 cups butternut squash (or other winter squash), peeled, deseeded and cubed
1 cup onion
3 cloves garlic
1 1/2 cup mushrooms
3 cups curly Kale, diced
1 lb sausage, (I used Honey, Garlic) uncooked and thinly sliced
1 cup vegetable or chicken broth
1 1/2 - 2 cups cream
2 tbsp lemon juice
1 tsp paprika
1 1/2 tsp nutmeg
2 tsp salt
2 tsp italian seasoning
2 tbsp honey
4 - 5 cups rotini or penne pasta cooked to al dente, drained and set aside

Preheat oven to 375°F.
Line a baking sheet.  Toss the butternut squash in melted lard or olive oil.  Place on the baking sheet and roast for about 40 minutes (if it looks ready after 30 minutes in your oven take it out then).  Set aside.
Heat a large wok or dutch oven over medium heat.   Add 2 - 3 tbsp of lard or oil.  Add in the onion and cook for about 4 minutes.  Add in the sausage and garlic and cook together another 5 minutes.  Turn the heat down to med/low and add the mushrooms and kale.  Cook together for another 5 - 7 minutes (the kale should be fully wilted at that point).  Add in the roasted squash and mix.  Add in the paprika, nutmeg, salt, italian seasoning and honey.  Mix well.  Add in the broth, lemon juice and cream. Check the taste and adjust if necessary (I might add in a little heat for example).
At this point you can remove the sauce from the heat and add it to the pasta, mix well and serve OR plate the pasta and add the sauce over top on each plate.

I really wanted this to be amazing.  I wanted to give you a fantastic recipe to use up all that zucchini.  This recipe, however, sounded better than it was.  I would make some changes... but we'll come to that.
As I've settled back into the last week of summer vacation and come down from my five days in a place where the air is clear and the water tastes amazing, I've found myself ever so slightly depressed.  What's funny is that I'm not feeling depressed about going back to work... that's cool and I'm looking forward to being in the swing of things again.  I'm not really feeling depressed about summer going either (well, maybe just a little bit if I'm honest).  What I'm feeling depressed about it our way of life.  How we live, how limited our choices are and how damaged everything is because of it.
I found myself feeling depressed driving back into Ontario - the highway was so bright.  Lights are everywhere.  It's like Peter Jackson's film rendition of Shelob's Liar (Lord of the Rings - Tolkein), even the dark is light.  Additionally, all the reading I've done this summer has brought my to a new place and to some new decisions.  I don't think that I've done a very good job of communicating what I've been learning and how it has affected me.  I feel like I need to take some time here on this blog to express how deeply I feel about this issues we face as a society around our food.


Last year  - give or take 6 months - was about committing to local and seasonal vegetables.  I did that both through the food box (which tells me where my food is coming from) and through local farmer's markets. This year has been about going deeper than just my vegetables.
I really do feel sick when I read about the way factory farms treat animals... any animal.  It makes me sick because it represents to me that even the human animal has no real value anymore outside of the profits that we can provide.  I've been slowly moving us away from factory farmed meats.  However, it's not enough for me and I've pledged to myself to make further changes.  So...
I need to buy a small chest freezer.
I need to finally contact the beef farm that my friend C recommended (she's friends with the farmers... doesn't get any better than that)
Additionally, I'm not feeling bad about eating butter, cream, lard and bacon anymore.  I'm beginning to comprehend more deeply how important these foods are to us humans.  We need fat.  Whether we like it or not we're eating it and I'm going to choose to eat it in the forms that help my body (Yeah - I said 'help' as in 'are good for me') in the form form of butter, cream, lard and bacon rather than the forms that  are hidden from me and hurt my body in the form of corn oil, soybean oil, hydrogenated vegetable oil and the like. That means goodbye to processed foods.


In this recipe I've added sausage and cream (I wish to goodness that I could get raw milk) and if you wish to adapt then please do.  As I stated at the beginning of this post, this recipe sounded better than it tasted.  I like the idea though and I want to tinker with it some more.  I found it too much bread so you might want to play around with putting into the bottom of a larger roaster or something.  Better yet, save half the dough and freeze it and use the other half in a pie plate.  I would also tinker with some stronger flavours... smoked paprika, chipotle or even more pizza'ish'... something a little bolder.  Last but not least - do not scrimp on the zucchini.  I had two very large zucchini's and only used 1 1/2 because I thought that it would be too much.  It wouldn't have been.



Yeasted Zucchini and Sausage Pie adapted from 'Simply in Season'
makes 1 9x13 pie (serves about 6)

Crust:
1/2 cup warm water
pinch of sugar or tsp of honey
1 tbsp dry yeast
1/4 cup + 1tbsp milk
1 tbsp oil or melted butter
1 egg, lightly beaten
1/4 cup whole wheat or red fife flour
1/4 cup parmesan cheese, shredded
1 tsp salt
2 cups all purpose or bread flour

Filling:
8 cups zucchini, thickly sliced
3/4 pound sausage of choice
oil or melted butter to brush
3 clove garlic, crushed
1/4 cup fresh basil and oregano, finely chopped
1 tsp salt
pinch of pepper
5 lg eggs, beaten
1/4 cup cream
2 tsp dijon mustard
2 tsp Worcestershire Sauce
pinch of cayenne or pepper sauce
2 cups (or so) cheddar cheese, grated
1 cup parmesan cheese, grated

Crust:
Combine the warm water, sugar and dry yeast.  Set aside for about 5 minutes until the yeast dissolved and begins to get foamy.
Combine the milk, oil and lightly beaten egg.  Mix well and add to the yeast mixture.
Combine the whole wheat/red fife flour, shredded parmesan, salt and all purpose flour.  Mix and form a well in the middle.  Pour the milk milk mixture into the well.  Stir to combine and until it forms a smooth but very sticky dough.
Place in a lightly greased bowl and turn so that all sides of the dough ball are greased.  Cover with a clean cloth and set aside in a warm, dry spot.
Line a 9x13 baking dish with foil and lightly butter.  Set aside.
Filling:
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
Place the sliced zucchini strips and the sausage on a baking sheet.  Lightly brush the zucchini with oil or melted butter.  Sprinkle lightly with salt.  Roast for about 20 minutes or until the zucchini is soft and just beginning to brown.
In the meantime, combine the eggs, garlic, herbs, salt, pepper, dijon, Worcestershire and cayenne.  Mix well.

Pie:
Place the lightly risen dough (mine rose for about 35 - 40 minutes at the most) in the greased baking pan.  Spread out evenly making sure that the dough goes well up the sides.  Sprinkle a little bit of the cheddar on the bottom of the crush.
Place a layer of zucchini strips on top of the cheese.  Sprinkle with some sausage. A little more cheese and so on until the zucchini is all used up.
Pour the egg mixture over everything and sprinkle the remaining parmesan cheese over the top.  Bake for about 25 minutes or so until the pie is golden on the edges and the centre of the pie is firm to the touch.
Cool for a good 15 - 20 minutes before serving.

I just went back and reread my last post.  God, what a wreck.  I've done some breathing in a paper bag, had some drinks with my two best friends and totally gotten over it.  Totally gotten over myself.
Moving on - it's August and it feels like I should be doing one of those list thingy's that bloggers seem to do. So this is it,  an update on everything I'm watching, listening to, reading, shovelling down my throat and randomly doing.
Right now I'm watching The Hour and just finished Sherlock: Season 2 (and have very low expectations for the American cover starting in the fall... just sayin').  I'm not watching a whole lot else on television - which is fine by me.
My ipod playlist has been pretty stagnant lately.  I've been totally jazzed though with this tune.  It's beautiful and the Deftones cover is so different but equally beautiful.  Listened to this one recently on the headphones and was reminded how gorgeous the writing and the arrangement is.  Lush.  I've been craving some New Order but so far haven't succumbed.
My summer reading has been a mixed bag. I read The Vegetarian Myth, followed by 'Folks, This Ain't Normal'.  Next was this wonderful lighthearted mystery and I've just started 'Real Food'.  Not exactly a Light and fluffy reading summer but it was broken up a bit with the mystery novel and to be honest the Salatin, although intensely interesting and thought provoking, wasn't heavy at all.
D and I took a walk and found this rad shop.  I sat on a couch that seriously hugged and kissed my ass - it was a beautiful experience.  We took some pictures of the graffiti art that was inspiring.


I've been tripping on the pulled pork sandwich at The House and the wings at Morgan's are complex.  Complex.


Since eggplant has been available in my food box I've been putting it in everything.  I made a stew, ratatouille, pizza and now this lasagna.  I decided to use roasted eggplant in place of the noodles and honestly you don't miss the pasta at all.  Kid #1 didn't even realize that it didn't have the noodles.  As I suspected, this lasagna got better the next day.  I would highly recommend making it the day before you need it and then heating it up.  We loved how this turned out.  So much so that it's gone on our 'make again' list.  Right up there with sweet and sour meatballs and shepherd's pie.  You won't be disappointed.



Eggplant Lasagna (an adaptation of the one I usually make with noodles)
serves 6 - 8

1 lg eggplant, partially skinned and sliced long and thin (about 1/4 inch)
1 lg pattypan squash (could use more or substitute with zucchini), also sliced thin
1/2 cup olive oil
pinch or two of salt
1/2 - 3/4 cup leeks, sliced thin
1 lb sausage (I used hot italian sausage for this one), casings removed so it looks like mince
1 bunch of chard or kale, chopped
2 veggie boullion cubes
1/2 cup mixed herbs, chopped
3 tbsp honey
3 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
2 tsp salt
400 ml crushed tomatoes (could get away with using a little more)
1 lg tub ricotta
1 egg
1/4 cup goat cheese, crumbled (could use something else here)
1/3 cup parmesan cheese, grated
pinch of salt
2 1/2 cups mozzarella cheese, grated

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Line a baking sheet or two with parchment or a non-stick silicone thing.
In a large bowl toss the eggplant and pattypan sliced with the olive oil and the salt.  Place each slice on the baking sheet and bake for about 20 minutes.  The veggies should be soft and possibly browned but not black.  Remove from the oven and set aside.
In a heavy bottomed saucepan heat a little oil over medium heat.  Add in the sliced leeks and cook for about 3 minutes.  Add in the sausage mince and cook until the sausage is almost entirely browned.  Throw in half of the chopped greens (kale or chard) and cook for another 2 minutes.
Add in the boullion cubes, mixed herbs, honey, Worcestershire sauce and salt.  Mix well.  Add in the crushed tomatoes and turn the heat down to med/low.  Make sure that the sauce can simmer still.  Simmer for about 15 minutes (enough time to let things cook down a little).  Check the taste after 15 minutes not before.
In a large bowl mix the ricotta, egg, goat cheese, parmesan and salt.  Mix well.  Set aside.
Get a 9x13 baking dish (or a lasagna dish if you have one) and line the bottom with 1 layer of the eggplant and pattypan.  Layer that with some of the meat sauce.  Then dabs of the ricotta mixture.  Lastly, a good sprinkling of some mozzarella.
Continue this layering until everything is used up.  I got 3 layers with mine.
Sprinkle the last bit of mozzarella on top of everything and add a little more grated parmesan if it strikes your fancy.
Bake for about 35 - 40 minutes or until everything is bubbling and the cheese is beginning to turn golden brown.
Cool for a good 15 - 20 minutes before serving (although about 30 minutes would be perfect).

I have written and subsequently deleted the beginning of this post three times now.  I get a thought and start to type it out and then when I see it in front of me it just looks stupid.  Delete.
I get another thought and once that one is starring back at me I realize that it's just one sentence and I've pretty much exhausted my point.  Delete.
Another thought starts.  I type for a bit and then I get distracted and it's gone... really gone.... Delete.
Jeez.  It happens sometimes I guess.
I've had what feels like 'all-kids-all-the-time' for the last while.  My head feels to full and muddled sometimes to make sense of things.  I hope that you all know I love my kids.  Fiercely.  But I'm not beyond wanting myself in there too.  I'm definitely not beyond feeling a bit resentful sometimes that it can't be about them AND me simultaneously (I've learned after almost 12 years that it just can't and I need to stop fighting it).  And I'm absolutely not beyond longing for those days when I was me.  Just me.  Not somebody's Mom.  Not somebody's wife.  Not somebody's entertainment.  Not somebody's voice teacher.  Just me... Wanda.
It's intensely selfish, I know.  And probably one of the most ludicrous and unrealistic things anybody could wish for because we are always defined by something that involves a label.  But there it is.  I wish I could just have a 'Wanda' label - which would mean nothing to anybody but me.  Even now as I'm writing my finger is hovering over the delete button.
Am I crazy?  Probably a little.  Too much time on my hands is the most likely culprit.  I remember when I was a teenager dreaming of riding away from life on a horse (I don't have a particular love of horses so I don't know exactly why the horse was involved) and I think it's the first thing that drew me to biking.  Driving never enticed me.  Although it's fast, the enclosed space really mucks the whole thing up in my mind.  I want to be out there in the world running away from it or running to it - not sure which - with the wind blowing and the sound track playing.  There is obviously no one with me.  It's this deep feeling of freedom in my chest - that's the best way I can find to describe it.  I still get the mental picture when I'm running or biking sometimes.
So I think that's why I struggle with these multiple labels.  It's like my backpack is full and I'm being slowed down on my ride or something.  It doesn't mean that I don't like people or need to be alone all the time... it's probably not even rational.  It's just one of those things that is.  It's one thing that is 'Wanda' and not any other label.


Summer is meant for things like this.  Contemplation.  Meditation.  Whatever you want to call it.  Existential pondering.  It's what makes me feel alive.  Longing and wonder.  Recipes like this one are so easy and quick that it gives me all the time I need to go out back, lie in the grass watching the clouds roll by and wonder about it all... while my kids shoot nerf bullets over my head.
Three paragraphs ago I was on the verge of deleting this whole post again but now that I look at it, although it's rambling and a little narcissistic, I kinda like it.  The moral of this post is:  1.  Make this dish and you might just have a wonderful afternoon of stream of conscious existential thought.  2.  Don't press Delete.


Orzo, Sausage and Veggie Casserole adapted from Family Bites
serves 6 - 8

1 3/4 cups orzo
1 veggie bouillion cube
pinch of salt
pinch of saffron
3 1/4 cups water
1 small onion (could use leek here too), sliced
1 small zucchini, sliced
1 lb sausage (I used honey and garlic but italian or spanish would work well here too), casings removed
4 med sized leaves of kale (could use chard, mustard greens or spinach), chopped
1 cup corn (I used the kernels off of one cob)
1/4 cup finely minced herbs (use some kind of combination) or 2 lg tbsp of green seasoning
pinch of pepper sauce or cayenne
1/2 cup cream

In a medium sized pot bring the water to a boil and then add in the boullion cube, salt and saffron.  Add the orzo and simmer for about 6- 7 minutes.  Drain if there is still too much water and set aside - I didn't drain mine as it had absorbed most of the liquid.
Heat a heavy bottomed dutch oven to medium heat and add in about 2 tbsp of oil.  Add the onion and zucchini and cook together for about 3 - 4 minutes.  Add in the sausage, breaking it up with your fingers so it's like mince.  Cook together stirring as needed for another 5 minutes or so - until the sausage is no longer pink.  Add in the kale and the corn and cook just until the kale has withered.  Add back the orzo and turn the heat down to low.
Add the herbs and the pepper sauce.  Mix well.
Add in the cream.  Cover and remove from heat.  Check the taste and adjust if necessary.
Cool for about 10 minutes before serving.