Have you ever thought about what it would take to provide your own food?  Like all of it?  It's staggering.  Just keeping away from boxed or pre-made dinners is hard enough, right.  I'm trying to imagine what it might be like...
I would have to quit my job.  I would have to garden in a community garden as well as my own backyard - and do more in my own backyard BTW.  I would have to get a cow that could provide us with milk and some chickens that could give us eggs (because I can't live without those).  I would start making my own cheese (not hard I've heard).  I would need to start canning... everything - a goal of mine anyway... not everything mind you.
It hit me this week that even though I'm doing a lot to get processed foods out of our diets completely it's still there... these insidious little things that you don't even think about.  My hot chocolate from Starbucks (only a couple of times a week but still).  Yogurt.  Salad dressing (I don't make my own... I know, don't say it).  Ketchup.  The list goes on.  I'm not going to get depressed because we've come a long way but it's kinda overwhelming.


That brings me to yesterday.  I had forgotten to bring my fruit for lunch.  I was going to eat at home later anyway so it was fine but I was still really hungry and I had 2 hours to go.  I had run to work in the morning and that always sees me famished by the lunch hour (try like 10:30 a.m.).  I was standing outside the school contemplating what to do.  I should just run and grab something, chew and swallow kind of food.  Then I thought 'If I do that every time I forget something or need something NOW then what kind of example am I to my kids?'  What if I can't even do what I'm asking them to do?  I tuened around went inside, still hungry, and waited until I got home.
So instead of Starbucks hot chocolate (too sweet anyway) and something processed and icky for me, I had one of these (after my lunch of course).  It was totally worth it.  Is there anything better than lemon?  I'm not sure.  Lemon curd?  Well I could eat that stuff straight from the jar... I usually do.


P.S.  I didn't make my own lemon curd... ugh.


Lemon Curd Muffins adapted from The Goddess's Kitchen
makes about 10 large muffins

2 cups self raising flour (I just make my own from all-purpose)
3/4 cup sugar
150 ml milk
75 ml canola or sunflower oil
1 egg
1 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup lemon curd
extra sugar for sprinkling

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Line a muffin tin with silicon or paper liners
Combine the flour and sugar in a bowl and set aside.
In another bowl combine the milk, oil, egg, lemon juice and vanilla.  Mix well.  Add to the flour mixture and mix to combine.
Line the bottom of each muffin with enough batter to cover.  Place a tsp or so of lemon curd on top of each.  Finish filling each muffin cup until they are 1/2 to 2/3's full.
Bake for about 15 minutes or until just golden on the top and springy to the finger.
Remove from oven and cool for 5 minutes.
Place another tsp or so of lemon curd on top of each muffin.  As the lemon curd melts sprinkle a little sugar on top of each.
Cool completely.

Sometimes, there is just too much noise.  It's everywhere in the city.  Unescapable.  Noise pollution is a growing concern and it's toll is still be researched and documented.  
We had a whirlwind of a weekend culminating in a two hour end of year dance recital for kid #1. It was long and loud.  It was relentless.  Kid #2 was trying to stay positive but by dance segment #24 (out of 39!), he was saying out loud 'Ugh, I told them to stop', 'That song is too long', 'I want to go HOME'.  I sympathized.  By the time we got home we all wanted to have a bath and go somewhere quiet (read: bed).
Sometimes I just want to be home, with no noise.  No tv (please), ipod, radio... nothing.  Just the hum of the refrigerator.  The kind of quiet that can clear your mind or can at least leave you free to contemplate in your own honest way.  That unavoidable kind of quiet.  It might make some uncomfortable but not me.  I could stare at the sky, at a piece of art, hell, I could stare at a wall for a good long time and just think.  Inward.  Contemplative.  Sometimes uncomfortable but hopefully most honest.  
That's not how I was feeling when I made these samosas.  I was in a rush.  I was hungry.  We were all hungry.  I had at least two small/loud voices asking regularly what we would be having for lunch.  We were running somewhere (I can't remember) and I had to use up what was in front of me without too much fuss and fill our bellies.


It worked.  It's an easy recipe but it takes a bit of time.  The rolling and filling part at least.


It was worth it in the end though.  Kid #1 used these for school lunches for a couple of days - they're nicely portable.  I would recommend grabbing a tamarind sauce or a chutney and using that on the side as well.  It will definitely elevate this humble veggie pocket to something higher.
I have to believe that my quiet moments will come more often.  Right now they are fleeting glimmers.  In the meantime I snack on veggie samosas doused in chutney and listen to my fridge humming away behind me.  



Curried Veggie Pie Samosas adapted from Moosewood
serves 4 - 6

Dough:
2 1/2  cups all purpose flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp turmeric
1 cup buttermilk or plain yogurt
additional flour for rolling

Combine the flour,turmeric and salt in a bowl.  Add the buttermilk and mix until combined.  Set aside until ready to roll out.

Filling:
3 tbsp oil
1 small onion, diced
3 small potatoes, diced
1 med. carrot, diced
2 cups broccoli, diced
1 cup chard or spinach diced
3 cloves garlic
turmeric
mustard seed
coriander
ginger
cumin
garam masala
salt
sugar or honey
veggie bouillion
water

Heat a large pan over medium heat.  Add the oil, mustard seed and veggies.  Cook together for about 7 minutes.  Turn the heat down or even off.  Add the rest of the spices, the bouillion, salt, sugar and water. Mix until just combined.
Preheat oven to 425 degrees F
On a lightly floured surface take a piece of dough the size a golf ball.   Roll it out in a circle.  The dough should be about a 1/4 inch thick or so.  Cut the circle in half.  Place a good spoonful of filling in the middle of one side of the half circle.  Using a pastry brush, brush water along the edges and fold the other half over the veggies.  Pinch the edges together and use a fork to cinch them.  Place on a lined baking sheet.
Repeat until all the dough/filling is used up.
Bake at 425 for 15 minutes.  Turn the samosas over (although I didn't) and turn down the oven to 375.  Bake for another 10 minutes.
Cool for about 15 minutes before serving.
Serve with Tamarind sauce or chutney or something.

I should be in bed.  Maybe not sleeping just yet but in bed.  I'm tired, really tired but somehow inspired at the same time.  I love that life provides this strange mix, both stress and joy, tension and relief, exhaustion and energy.
In the midst of rain and cool temperatures,  too much work and too little sleep, overwhelming housework and guilt around not seeing my friends enough, here are some things that have inspired me enough to keep me going over the last 7 days.

This little parsley plant came out to say hello this week.  Typically parsley is not a perennial in this part of the globe.  It may come back if the plant has flowered and spread some seed but this little guy is growing right out of the same plant that was his parent last year.  By rights he shouldn't be here... but he is.  Huge sigh, warm heart.


Who doesn't get a little smile on their face at the sight of this?  I've always preferred the in-your-face yellow of the traditional daffodil.  I managed to get two of them this year after the squirrels sampled a couple to see if they were edible.  It's like a seasons worth of sunshine packed into a little tiny flower.



These are the faces that meet me every morning.  They ask me when I'm making waffles or pancakes.  They hustle along with me when we have to be out the door early.  They rely on me to make sure that they are taken care of and in turn they bring me a lot of joy and give me a lot of love.  These faces help me find motivation to move out the door and do it for another day.


This week's food box.  The colour, the choices, the fact that I can feel good about what we're all putting into our mouths.  I'm supporting local business, local farmers and sustainable practices.  I have to remind myself that this is happening and it's inspiring... it does make a difference.


This is my sister and for a 36 hour period we got to be together almost exclusively.  It's the first time in about 4 years that this has been the case.  She is now just 45 minutes away but I won't see her again before she heads back home, half-way across the country.   We're holding each other pretty tightly here in this picture, just drinking in having a sister again.  Fingers crossed, we won't wait another 4 years to do it again.

This book has been putting a spark of excitement in my mind and my heart.  I sometimes wish that I could do what this family choose to do.  I honestly don't know if I'm 'man-enough' to be able to do it although a half century or so ago I might not have had a choice about that.  You'll have to check it out to know what I'm talking about here... We've decided though that we have some decisions to make with regards to all this food stuff (if that's not a bizarre sentence then I don't know what is)... our next step.

Take a moment to think of some things that have touched you this week.  It's important.

I'm cleaning out my freezer.  Don't worry, it's not a monumental task or anything.  I'm not a freezer-stuffed-full-of-crap kinda person.  I'm just making some room.  Getting rid of stuff that been forgotten about or simply will not ever be used.  It's a great feeling.  The freezer space will get filled, I know that.
What I found in there though was weird and fun.  I found a chicken carcass that I didn't know I had.  Yes.  I found some cream cheese.  Yes.  I found some rhubarb from last year.  Yes.  I found some banana leaves.  Weird and Yes.  I found some salt fish.  Salt Fish.


I like salt fish.  When it's done well, I LOVE salt fish.  I first had salt fish in Trinidad.  Friends and family convinced me that I had to try this salt fish dish called 'Buljol' for breakfast.  Yeah, so you know how here in Canada weekend breakfasts are often homemade pancakes or waffles smothered in Maple Syrup?  Well, in Trinidad weekend breakfasts are salt fish and bake (a bun).  Arguably, this is a healthier way to approach breakfast (even though we now have huge green checkmarks on Cocoa Puffs and Fruit Loops - I know it's hard to think of anything healthier).  Still, this born and bred Ontario girl wasn't sure about this fish for breakfast thing at all.  I didn't want to offend though.  So I took a bun and put the tiniest amount of salt fish imaginable. Hesitantly, I put the tiny bit in my mouth.   Oh my... it was AWESOME.  Which figures, 'cause I'm damned if I can tell you any food that Trini's make which bites.   It was seriously like the green eggs and ham thing.  'I like them. I like them Sam I am.' (or whatever)
As with many things Trini I have trouble duplicating it.  I've tried tons of ways.  I can't seem to get the right balance.  Something is always a bit off.  I think though that I've finally found the magic formula with this one.  Don't cook anything, just heat the oil until it quite hot.  That's it.  Done.
I'm seriously pumped because I saw some chives ready to be used in the garden.



So my first garden harvest of the year is in the salt fish.  The chives kinda helped me feel better about the fish.   This fish is Canadian but it's probably not 'sustainably' caught and for that very reason I don't make salt fish often at all.  In fact, I've stopped buying fish as a rule.  At least the chives were local and sustainable... right.
Serve this awesome stuff on crackers, bread, buns... whatever.



Buljol (salt fish) adapted from 'The Naparima Girls Jubilee Cookbook'
serves 4

1/2 lb or so (1 pkg) dried Salt Fish
small onion sliced thin
1/2 cup green pepper diced
1/2 cup tomato diced
1/4 cup celery diced (optional)
4 tbsp green onion or chive diced
1/3 cup oil
3/4 tsp black pepper (optional)
3 tbsp green seasoning (optional)
squeeze of a lemon slice (optional)
pepper sauce to taste (optional)

Bring a pot of water to a boil.  Soak the salt fish in the hot water for about 15 minutes.  Drain and repeat 3 times in total.  Set the salt fish aside.
In a bowl combine the onion, green pepper, tomato, celery and green onion or chive.  Mix and add in the black pepper, green seasoning and lemon juice.  Break the salt fish apart into little pieces and add to the veggies.
Heat the oil in a pot just until it barely starts to smoke.  Pour the hot oil over the fish and vegetables.
Mix well and serve.

We were supposed to get a crappy Easter weekend.  All week I was anxiously checking the environment Canada website to see if things had changed.  Rain... all the time.
But then on Thursday a wonderful thing happened.  The forecast changed.  Suddenly we were in for a weekend of not bad weather at all.  In fact, the way things have turned out, it's been a damn good weekend.
We were out in short sleeves.  Jackets were optional.
These are out in full force.


And I've got a bush full of these happening soon too.


The real bonus is not working and therefor being off to enjoy it fully.  THE BEST.
I got so energized that I actually called people.  This is a big deal.  I don't call people.  I don't like using the phone.  I didn't even love it that much as a teenager.  Trust me, I had my fair share of long calls but it wasn't my first choice.  And at this point in my life being on a phone for more than 5 minutes is right down there with root canals on my 'things I love to do' list.  So for me to pick up the phone and call someone to see if they would like to come over and hang... yeah, big deal... I got their voice mail.
We did connect later though and arranged a time.


All this was important because I really wanted to make this cake.  As soon as I saw it I wanted to make it.  That oozy glaze candy thing dripping down the sides made me want to lick the computer screen.  The recipe makes a lot of cake.  I needed an excuse to make this thing.  Honestly though, with that glaze who even cares about the cake.  The cake is only there as a prop for the stupid glaze really.  That why, even though Dana calls it 'Brown sugar cake' I'm calling it 'Brown Sugar Caramel Glaze... with cake'.  That pretty much sets it straight I reckon.  Make this glaze.  Don't even bother with the cake if you're not a baker but make this glaze.  Serve it on ice cream.  Drizzle over bacon. Use it to cover up other stuff you've made that is middling to average... whatever... don't serve it with anything else... just make the damn glaze.  The cake... is optional.  Seriously a yawner.
I choose to make this in a tube pan because I seem to be the tube pan queen or something.  Worked beautifully but by all means do what Dana did and make it in two loaf pans and extend the experience.  For all you out there who observed Lent, this could be your kick off cake.  Happy Easter all...


Brown Sugar Caramel Glaze with cake (adapted from Dana Treat)
makes 1 tube pan or 2 loaves

3 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups unsalted butter at room temperature (Honestly, I might use a smidge less than that)
3 cups lightly packed brown sugar (I used dark but Dana used light - go with her)
5 lg eggs (if you're feeling like a super-hero then I would whip the egg whites separately)
1 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla

Grease and flour a tube pan (or the loaf pans)
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
Sift together the flour, baking powder and salt in a bowl and set aside.
In another bowl combine the vanilla and milk and set aside.
In a third bowl beat the butter until it's very light and very fluffy.  Add in the sugar little by little and continue to beat.  Beat until light and fluffy.
Add in the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.
Mix in the flour and milk alternately, beginning and ending with the flour.  I took about 4 rounds to get it all in.
Pour the mixture into the tube pan or split between two loaf pans evenly.
Bake the cake anywhere from 1  - 1 1/2 hours (I took about 1 hr 20 min).  Check regularly after 1 hour.  The cake should pull away from the sides of the pan and the tester should come out with light crumbs.  The top of the cake will feel springy.
Remove from the oven and cool for about 10 minutes.  Remove from pan and cool completely on a baking rack.

GLAZE:
1/2 cup unsalted butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup milk or cream
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp salt
1 - 1 1/2 cup icing sugar

In a heavy bottomed saucepan melt the butter.  Continue over med. heat and add in the brown sugar.  Cook the butter and sugar together for 2 minutes.  Add in the milk or cream, turning down the heat but continuing to let the mixture bubble.  Cook for about 5 minutes.  Remove from heat and add the salt and vanilla.
Cool for about 10 minutes.  Add the icing sugar and stir until completely mixed.
Pour the heavenly mixture over the completely cooled cake.

I had quite a few roomies when I was in university.  One roomie I had didn't cook at all, except for a wicked spaghetti sauce (and what more do you need really?), unless it involved 15 minutes or less of her life.  Another roomie was meticulous.  She cooked to the letter or number of the recipe.  No deviation.  No ifs ands or buts.  Everything tasted fine if sometimes a little uninspired.  Yup.
Another roomie hardly ever used a cookbook but she made everything from scratch.  That was awesome.  I learned so much from her.  I really thought that it just wouldn't matter what we had in the flat, if she wanted to make something then she would find a way to make it work.  Something would turn up from somewhere and be a substitute for something else.  It didn't always work of course but it seemed at the time like it did.  We also had a blast cooking together.
I've ended up assimilating the asthetic rather well and as a result have gotten too lackadaisical about 'the correct' ingredients.


This cake is a perfect example.  I'm supposed to be using cake flour but I don't usually keep cake flour.  To be honest, when I have baked with cake flour I've found the result to be a cake that is too dense for my liking.  Anyway, I sifted the all purpose flour and sugar together multiple times, from one bowl to another.  Still, my cake does not look like the one in the pictures at all.
Maybe I didn't bother to figure out whether I had exactly 12 egg whites.  I just throw the egg whites into a container in the freezer after making ice cream with the egg yolks.  So who's counting?  I didn't make any big substitutions though... yet still my cake looks weird.  It's got this strange angle thing going on.  It's like the middle of the cake just kinda crapped out.  Weird.


Fortunately it just looked weird and if I had covered it in icing then no one would have been the wiser.  The icing would probably really make the thing but it was the middle of the week and I was too damn lazy, truth be told.  The taste is nice although I prefer just a little more tang.  Perhaps a little more juice?  Maybe just more zest.  Maybe just icing... not sure.
The moral of the story:  Sometimes substitutions can work and sometimes they make things look weird.



Lemon Angel Food Cake adapted from Cozy Kitchen
makes one cake

1 cup cake flour
1 1/2 cups sugar
12 egg whites
1 tsp cream of tartar
1 tsp vanilla
grated rind of 1 lemon
1 tbsp plus 1 tsp lemon juice
1/4 tsp salt

Butter and flour an angel food cake tin (it's supposed to have legs apparently but I just have a tube pan)
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
Sift together the flour and sugar.  Sift 4 times in total.
Beat the egg whites until they just start to form stiff peaks (about 10 - 12 minutes or so).  Add in the cream of tartar, vanilla, lemon rind and lemon juice.  Beat for a little longer or until the mixture is doubled in volume and quite stiff.
Gently fold in the flour/sugar mixture in thirds mixing well but gently after each addition.
Gently pour the contents in the tube pan.  Run a knife through the batter to remove any air bubbles.
Bake for 45 - 50 minutes or until it's risen well and is golden on the top.
Remove from oven and cool for about 1 1/2 hours before removing from the tube pan.
(optional)
Add icing once it's completely cool.
Icing
heavy cream
icing sugar
lemon juice

I told myself that I wouldn't complain but I gotta tell'ya that I'm mad.
I'm mad that it still feels like winter.
I'm mad that although I got a nice butternut squash in the food box this week it wasn't big enough for me to make this recipe so I had to go to the grocery and get one.
I'm mad that the one I got one was Honduras!  Honduras?!  It's Ontario, it's the end of winter and I need a winter squash... why in hell are we getting squash from Honduras.  I was stuck, I needed it so it came home with me.


I'm mad that I had to rush to make this because my day was badly scheduled.
I'm made that because I rushed this recipe didn't turn out as well as I had hoped... it was just good.
Last but not least, I'm mad that I work too much... but that's a whole other story and therapist appointment.
Honestly my Peeps, there are lots of things that I'm happy about too, I just can't think of them right now... I'll write another post about that.
I really did want to play with this a little more.  A few weeks ago I started scouring cookbooks and the net for a lasagna that had a nut sauce base.  A university friend reminded me that during my 'veggie phase' I made it for him and he really liked it.  I still have found nothing.  In the process though I asked another friend of mine who is an incredible resource on these kinds of things about whether she had a recipe for it/heart of a recipe for it/had any ideas about how it might be done... etc.  She didn't have any of the above but she did tell me about one of her favourite lasagna dishes that uses a Squash sauce.  The idea sounded interesting.  I had just made a squash and greens lasagna but I left the roasted squash in chunks.
The difference this time?  I roasted the squash and then mashed it.  Then, 'cause I had them in the fridge from D's Mom, I threw in some cooked and seasoned lentils.  If I had thought ahead I would have mashed them too.


So think a sauce of seasoned, roasted squash, lentil and veggies.  Another sauce, just bechamel.  And lots of cheese.  Sounds good right?  Well, kinda.  The squash is just a little sweet which is a beautiful thing it's just that the lentils kinda cancelled out the sweetness of the squash.  Plus I think that the lentils needed to be pulsed or something.  In general I guess what I'm sayin' is that the lentils might not be the best addition.
Don't get me wrong, the lasagna is good... just not great.  Add the lentils or leave 'em out... let me know the result.


Squash and lentil Lasagna
serves 12

12 - 15 lasagna noodles cooked al dente (as many as you need to make about 4 layers of the lasagna)

Veggie Sauce:
4 - 5 cups butternut squash, de-seeded, cut into chunks and roasted (toss the chunks in oil, sprinkle with salt and roast at 375 degrees for about 35 minutes.)
1 med onion, diced
4 cloves garlic
1 medium zucchini, diced
3 cups chard, diced
3 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tsp salt
2 tbsp each, basil, rosemary, marjoram, oregano
1/2 tsp cayenne or 1 tsp pepper sauce
1 veggie bouillion cube
1/2 cup or so of water (reserved pasta water maybe)
1 cup cooked and seasoned lentils (I used green lentils but Puy would work nicely too)

Bechamel
4 cups warm milk
6 tbsp unsalted butter
6 tbsp flour
salt
1/2 cup parmesan cheese
dash of mustard powder

3 cups mozzarella cheese, shredded

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Get a large roaster or lasagna dish ready.
Mash the roasted squash with a potato masher and set aside.
Heat a large pot over medium heat.  Add some oil (your choice) and add the onion, zucchini and chard.  Saute together for about 5 - 7 minutes over med/low heat.  Add in the garlic and continue to cook for another 5 minutes or so.
Add in the herbs, cayenne, bouillion cube and Worcestershire.  Cook for another couple of minutes.  Add in the lentils and mix well.  Add in the mashed squash.  Mix well.  Add water until the mixture is the consistency of a spreadable sauce.  Set aside.

Melt the butter in a heavy bottomed sauce pan.  Once melted and bubbling add the flour and combine until it's a thick paste.  Slowly add in the warm milk, adding by a 1/2 cup at a time and whisking constantly until all the milk is added.  Heat over med/low heat until the sauce begins to thicken.  Remove from heat and add in the salt, parmesan and mustard powder (add in a dash of Worcestershire if your heart desires as well - hell, throw in some pepper sauce too).

Assembly:
In the bottom of the roaster add enough squash sauce to barely cover the bottom.  Cover with a layer of cooked noodles.  Add another layer of squash.  Then a ladle or two of Bechamel and then about a 1/2 cup of mozzarella.  Continue in this order until it's all used up.
Top with remaining mozzarella and sprinkle some parmesan on the top as well.
Bake for about 30 - 35 minutes or until bubbling at the sides and browning on the top.
Cool for about 20 minutes or so before serving.


This stuff always tastes better the next day.
p.s. if you think of some brilliant ways to spice this up a bit more PLEASE let me know...