I'm not the best 'friend' that one could have.  I mean to be.  I think about my friends all of the time.  You see, I don't do 'close' very well.  I'm also extremely selective about who my friends are... and aren't.  I think that my friend thing stems from some of my early friend experiences - most of which were very good - and a sense of feeling somehow inherently different (which I attribute to listening to too many sermons about being in the world but not of the world - what does that even mean? - and to having 'special' musical superhero powers from an early age) from most of the people around me.  The funny thing is that when I talk to people about my friend thing, most people have a similar experience and process.  I'm not alone in my feelings.
All of this brings me to my two best friends.  I'm not including D in that number.  He is different 'cause there are fringe benefits galore with that one.  My two best friends are KT and TVP (that's a funny one - 'cause he's totally not a vegetarian).  TVP and I have been best friends for about 20 years which is a damn long time.  We went through a lot together... the big stuff... BIG all caps.  KT and I have been best friends for almost 10 years and 'cause she's a girl we get to do girlie things together sometimes which is good for me 'cause I'm not much of a girlie girl.  Between us we've made it through kids, marriages, coming out, surgeries, depression, being completely broke, working together, trips, MRI's (almost) and lots of alcohol.  Both KT and TVP are probably the most understanding friends a girl like me could have.
I'm terrible with stuff that most people would consider a deal breaker for a best friend.  For example:
Time - I don't have much free time and what I do have often finds me completely given up on the day and sprawled out on the couch.  I'd say 80 percent of the time just the thought of dragging my ass out to do something makes me stuff my head further into the couch.
Birthdays - I care... a lot.  I'll make you dinner or cake or cupcakes but I'm terrible with presents.  Not because I don't want to get a present for my BFF but because it requires me to go out and enter a shop. I really don't like shopping.  What do you do when your best friend is the one person that you will happily go to the shop with?  How can I buy presents for the person who's with me?  How do I buy presents when I've got kids with me? (I'm sorry, it's very hard for me to do any personal shopping when my 6 yr old is with me) Sometimes I'm just plain broke.
Phone - Now arguably, phone calls are quickly becoming passé thanks to texting. (thank Jeebus) However, as a later teen and onwards being on the phone for any time longer than 20 minutes (still a long time thank you) sends me into a bit of a panic.  I'm not a phone talker (neither is KT - perfect).
Parties - AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! HARD.  AWKWARD.  HELP.


All of those things do not mean that my friends aren't on my mind.  They are.  All the time.  I love my friends.  I care deeply.  I would cook or bake for my friends anytime and KT can attest to the fact that she regularly gets a loaf of bread or some cookies.  I can tell you what they love to eat and what they hate.  I know exactly what to make for them that will make them happy.  These cookies are a testament to how much I think about my friends.  KT's favourite thing in the whole world (almost) is oatmeal.  When I saw this recipe on a blog I was smitten - had to try it.  I got the dough together and was about to throw in raisins or chocolate chips (all great ideas BTW) and then thought of KT.  She hates hates hates hates chocolate (great for me... no sharing) and can't eat raisins of any kind.  I was craving some serious simplicity as well and decided that for 'recipe testing purposes' that these cookies would go it alone - no 'helpers'.


The result:
A cookie that is soft (!) and almost cakey. A little dry (I'm going to experiment with a couple of tbsp's of applesauce or squash puree next time) but absolutely delicious.  Not too sweet (some chocolate chips?) but definitely not savoury.  I was very happy with the outcome AND that these cookies were made with whole wheat flour/oats and honey.  If you want to you could omit the sugar entirely.  I haven't gotten these cookies off to KT yet and I feel kind of bad because it's been a couple of days but the point is that she can eat them and she will love them.


Oatmeal Cookies with Red Fife and Honey adapted from 'Honest Fare'
makes about 2 dozen med/small cookies

1/2 cup unbleached all purpose flour
1/2 cup Red Fife or whole wheat flour
1 1/2 cups oats (regular not 'quick')
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted or coconut oil
2 tbsp brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 egg, beaten
1 tbsp milk

Combine the flours, oats, baking soda, baking powder, salt and cinnamon in a bowl.  Mix well and set aside.
Combine the honey, melted butter, brown sugar, vanilla, beaten egg and milk.   Mix well.
Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix just until combined.
At this point you can add in:
1/2 cup dessicated coconut
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
1/2 cup dried blueberries or goji berries....  You get the point.
Refrigerate for at least 20 minutes (I refrigerated mine for about 40 minutes altogether and it was fine so I think that even an hour wouldn't hurt)
Preheat oven to 325° F
Line a cookie sheet with parchment or a silicon liner.
Spoon out about 1 1/2 tbsp sized dough balls and place on the cookie sheet with about an inch and a half for the cookies to spread.
Bake for 10 - 15 minutes or until the cookies are just turning golden brown (honey can burn easily - so says 'Honest Fare' - therefor you need to keep an eye out so that they don't burn).
Remove immediately to cool on a wire rack.

More about red Fife...
I've been talking about it for a while but it's now time to fill in some blanks on Red Fife flour and why I've started using it instead of whole wheat.


Red Fife is refuted to have hailed from Scotland, brought over by a farmer named David Fife - hence the 'Fife' part of the name.  We don't really know whether the seeds themselves were indigenous to Scotland.  There are rumours that the seeds originated in the Ukraine as well.  Fife settled in Ontario, near Stirling in fact, and farmed using the seeds that he brought over with him.  He discovered that the grain was incredible adaptable to Canada's climate and produced well as a result.  According to 'The Canadian Encyclopedia' Red Fife flour was very popular even in the prairies but eventually fell out of use because even it froze in the fields when there were early frosts (I'm not quite sure what wouldn't freeze in a frost but maybe they're referring to it taking a little too long to mature).  In the book 'Earth to Table' I read that most of the grain that we use presently in Canada comes from Red Fife.  The book also argues that because Red Fife is a heritage grain it may produce a lower yield than more recent grains which would also explain why it fell out of use.
An article in the Ottawa Citizen reported that it might well be the 'Wheat Belly Diet' dude that has prompted more people to go looking for heritage grains that have been unaltered and turned into 'frankengrain' - I think that word is funny.  The 'Wheat Belly Diet' dude believes that so many of us have become gluten intolerant (as well as a host of other diseases) because of the more recent development of easy and reliable growing 'frankengrain' and it's processing.
Me? I like that Red Fife is grown and milled locally.  I like that, at least as far as north america is concerned, it's a grain that hails from where I live.  I like that it's heritage and it hasn't been messed with and that the milling is done by people I can talk to if I want to.
I also like that it's damn fine to bake with.  I've been using it in everything.  It's replaced my whole wheat flour use and has now exceeded how much I ever used whole wheat flour in the first place.  I'm finding out more about this fine grain as I go but for now I'm more happy with the locale and the baking results than I am anything else.


This bread nicely showcases the Red Fife flour.  It's a simple bread.  Not gunked up with oats or molasses or carrots or anything else.  Just plain old bread.  Great for sandwiches or toast... and fantastic when it goes stale for french toast and the tastiest strata you ever did eat.


Honey, Red Fife Bread adapted from 'local milk'
makes two small loaves

2 1/4 cups warm water
1 tbsp yeast
1 tsp honey + 1/4 cup honey
3 cups red fife (or whole wheat) flour
2 1/2 - 3 1/2 cups unbleached all purpose flour
1 tbsp salt (I use sea salt)
1 tbsp melted butter
1 tbsp unsulphured molasses

Grease a non-reactived bowl and set aside.
Combine a 1/2 cup of warm water, 1 tsp of honey and the yeast together.  Stir just a little and set aside in a draft free spot for about 10 minutes.  The mixture should be foamy and have almost doubled in bulk.
Meanwhile, combine red fife flour and 2 cups of the all purpose (set the rest aside).  Add in the salt and mix.
Once the yeast has proofed add the butter, molasses and the rest of the honey to it.  Mix just until everything combines.  Add the yeast mixture, along with the rest of the warm water to the flour mixture and mix until it forms a dough ball - if you need to add some extra flour here to get to that 'dough needing consistency' then go for it.  Just add a little at a time though.
Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for about 6 - 8 minutes or until the dough is  firm, springy, silky and smooth.
Place the dough into the greased bowl and rotate to make sure all sides get greased.  Cover with a clean cloth and set to a warm, draft free spot.  Let it rise for an 1 1/2 or until the dough has doubled in size.
Grease two small loaf pans (or I used a small baking dish for one of mine).
Gently punch the dough down and knead into 2 small loaf shapes. Place in the loaf pans and cover with  the clean cloth and set aside to rise for 1 hour.
Preheat the oven to 375° F.
Bake the bread for 30 - 35 minutes or until the bread is solid enough that is sounds hollow when you knock on it.
Remove from the loaf pans and cool completely before cutting.
Freezes well.

My friend emailed a few of us this week describing her recent and devastating occurrence.  She and her partner have chickens.  They've only just gotten off the ground.  Her partner B went all out with the coop and the chickens have this lovely area under the trees where they love to roost  when they're out and about.  For the most part, the chickens have been getting on with life - enjoying the roam and adding to C and B's egg collection.
More recently C and B added a rooster to their family.  Roosters are always difficult.  If there's more than one, they fight.  Nasty fighting.  Sometimes they just randomly start pecking away at another chicken until it's raw and bleeding.  Once that begins it's very hard to stop it and it the other chickens start picking up the behaviour as well.  They're also pretty loud compared to the chickens.  In this case though, Harry (yes - they named the rooster) has been exceptional.  Harry has gotten along well with his harem and things have been relatively peaceful.
Until one morning earlier this week when C went out to the coop only to find poor Harry lying on the floor of the coop, his comb turning blue and breathing shallow, laborious breaths.  C rushed Harry to the vet (yup - she did) where Harry later died.  The vet thinks that Harry succombed to heart failure and that it might be something congenital, ie. something the breed itself is susceptible to.
My poor friend C is bereft and confused.  She is a vegetarian and has trouble with any kind of suffering whatsoever.  So in the midst of working hard to create more awareness around growing food, saving seeds, keeping animals for the sake of the soil and all of that she is asking herself how ethical it is to entertain breeding animals that are susceptible to such severe congenital problems.  She has asked us all to respond with our thoughts about the whole thing.
So I'm thinking here on this blog.  I'm thinking that if we expect that there will be no 'setback' in our pursuit of a better planet then we're fooling ourselves.  One of the reasons that we've allowed ourselves to be so overwhelmed with industry created food is because it's damn hard doing it yourself.  The breed used for industrial chicken farms is one that grows fast, so fast that after 12 weeks of life it can't stand anymore.  The meat tastes like fluff because it's got no muscle tone but it grows fast and is hearty enough that with some (lots) antibiotics it can survive long enough to die fat.  Doing things any other way is a lot of work, it takes a lot of time and there is a lot of loss.  Loss is present everywhere whether we like it or not.  Animals die, plants die (they do), people die.  The real question for me is what kind of life was had by the animal, plant or person.  Harry probably had a much better life than most chickens do and I would hope that his death would be able to continue life in something else.  An animal could be fed, a human could be fed, the soil could be fed.  I hope that Harry's death doesn't become the most wasted thing about his life.


I've become so much more appreciative of what animals give us.  I understand so much more that we are all connected and when we abuse one we are abusing all including ourselves.  I don't buy chicken parts anymore.  I buy the whole chicken and I buy it from someone who let the chickens wander around and peck around and roost in the bottom branches of their favourite tree... because that's what being a chicken is all about.  When I use that chicken for food I'm thankful for every part of that bird - the feet, the neck, the organs especially and the fat off the skin.  Nothing gets wasted.


The end of my last chicken roast along with the neck and organs and skin and feet became fantastic chicken stock and yielded about 2 - 3 cups of meaty cooked chicken.  I used it with some roasted butternut squash, some cream, some cheese and some sage.  It's been one of the best things I've made this fall bar none.  I savoured each bite with heartfelt gratitude.


Chicken and Butternut Squash Orzo
serves 6 - 8

1 med/sm butternut squash, seeded, peeled and cubed into 1 inch cubes
5 - 6 cups chicken broth
3 - 4 cups cooked chicken, cut into bite sized pieces
1 1/2 cups orzo
1/2 cup cream
3/4 cup parmesan cheese
1 - 2 tsp salt
2 - 3 tbsp honey
3 - 4 tbsp fresh sage, coarsely chopped
1/4 tsp nutmeg

Preheat the oven to 350° F.
Line a baking sheet with parchment.  In a bowl toss the butternut squash cubes with some oil or lard that's been warmed up.  Place the sqaush cubes on the baking sheet, sprinkle with a little salt and roast in the oven for about 30 - 35 min. The squash should be nicely browned on the outside and squishy on the inside.
In a heavy bottomed pan heat the broth over med/hi heat until the broth is simmering. Add in the orzo and turn the heat down to medium/low.  Continue to simmer for about 10 - 15 min or until the orzo is becoming soft.  As the orzo is almost ready add in the salt, honey, sage and nutmeg.  Check e taste and adjust if necessary. Add in the cooked chicken and the roasted squash. Mix well.
Turn the heat down to very low and add in the cream and parmesan cheese.  Let the cheese melt and serve.

I'm mostly pretty sure that it's probably kinda wrong for me to admit this but *gulp* I find myself wishing more often than I'm even comfortable with that we could all hibernate for a couple of months a year.  I'm not talking the oh-it's-summer-let's-take-time-off kind of hibernate.  That's more like just playing hooky or something.  I'm talking about the oh-it's-bloody-freezing-and-dark-let's-just-stay-in-bed-until-it's-light-for-more-hours-in-the-day-than-it's-dark kind of hibernate.  I wish for it.
D told me the other day that when it gets to this time of year for him the hardest thing he has to do in a day happens in the first few minutes of waking up.... getting his ass out of bed.  My first response was to tell him that on the bright side, once you were up you could find consolation in knowing that when it comes to sheer will and effort you'd already reached the summit.  It's all downhill from there so to speak.  I've mentioned here before just how hard D has worked to cope with Season Affective Disorder and that now he is more functional during the winter months than he's ever been before.  I don't deal with anything close to that kind of seriousness or severity but I still feel it.
Getting up in the dark, biking downtown (in the rain this past week - jeez), working like a mad-woman, biking home and collapsing at some point in the evening.  It's around this time every year that it starts to catch up to me.  I don't feel myself.  I feel disconnected from everyone and even from my own thoughts if that's even possible.  Throw in an upcoming memorial service for my father-in-law, learning that my Mom just had a melanoma removed and losing one of my closest, bestest and longest friendships to a city 3 1/2 hrs down the highway and I'm at my tipping point.

FYI: When cutting marshmallow's buttering the knife or scissors is absolutely necessary.

All of that to tell you that this has not been the best week for me and my sugar reduction diet.  It's not like it's over or anything.  Far from it.  My hearts still in it and I'll be back on the bandwagon - I will.  I just really needed sugar.  I know that's bad.  I know that the mere fact that I'm craving sugar at 10:45 a.m. almost everyday is an indication of how terrible the stuff is.  I can practically feel it rotting my teeth and my gut as I eat it - savouring each and every morsel mind you.  It's just that this week I needed sugar.  One too many phone calls, texts, emails, work emergencies and soaked clothing wardrobe malfunctions (which I will not detail here) drove me back to my beloved enemy.  We looked at each other with uneasy longing.  I could already feel the texture in my mouth.  I knew what it would be like to have that sweet thing on my tongue and the little bitty rush that would come after.  I knew I needed it and my enemy knew it too.


I made cookies - I'm bringing some to work because if I'm going down then we all might as well go.  My kids will eat most of it here at home but I won't lie to you, I'll be helping them.  The moral of this story for me is two fold:
1.  Never give up.  I'm going to get back on the wagon.  I might not stay there but I'll always get back up.
2.  Maybe pulling into the dark, cold days of winter isn't exactly the best time to start big time scale backs on little indulgences.


S'Mores Cookies adapted from The Globe and Mail
makes about 3 dozen cookies

2 1/2 cups unbleached all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
1 cup brown sugar (not packed)
1/3 cup sugar
2 lg eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/4 cup graham cracker (about 11 halves or so), broken into 'dime' and 'quarter' sized pieces (I used a ziploc bag and broke them up but honestly it doesn't even need to be that complicated)
100g bar of milk chocolate, coarsely chopped
100g bar of dark chocolate, coarsely chopped
about 6 - 7 lg marshmallows (or the equivalent in mini's), cut into thirds

Preheat oven to 375° F.
Line a cookie sheet with parchment or a silicon liner and set aside.
Combine the flour, salt and baking soda together in a bowl and set aside.
Combine the butter and both sugars.  Cream together (using a mixer or by hand) until the mixture is creamy and well mixed.  Add in the eggs and vanilla and whisk until the mixture is kind of fluffy and creamy.
Add in the flour mixture and stir in slowly at first - once incorporated, the dough will feel quite stiff at first but it loosens up after a few minutes.  Mix until the flour has disappeared and you can't see any chunks of anything.
Add in the chocolate and stir to mix.  Add in the graham crackers and stir just until mixed (the pieces will keep breaking up if you mix too much).
Drop by large tbsp (about 1 1/2 tbsp altogether) onto the cookie sheet and press a marshmallow piece into the top.
Bake for about 8 - 10 minutes (mine came in at about 9 minutes) - the marshmallow should look a little toasted.
Remove the cookies to a cooling rack and store in an airtight container.

I can't find words for how much I want to bake RIGHT NOW.  I really can't find them.  'Itching' doesn't come close.  'Desperate' - nope, that's not it.  'Obsessing'... now that's getting closer.  I was seriously contemplating calling in sick just so that I could stay home and bake for the day.  The thought of kids being at school and having the house to myself, to play loud music, drink red wine and get flour all over me was hard to resist.  But I did resist.  Doesn't mean that I'm not still obsessing.  I've got visions of dark, dark, dark chocolate cake, s'mores cookies, ginger-carrot cupcakes and lemon loaf with sugar crackle topping going through my head almost all of the time.
Unfortunately, there is no time this week to get into any baking projects.  This is probably a good thing at the end of the day but its not helping my mood.  We now have a houseful of candy as well.  From Hallowe'en.  Ugh - crappy candy right.  To make the pile even bigger, the weather was so disagreeable here in Toronto that there weren't many kids out trick or treating and so almost many places were handing out larger quantities of candy in order to get rid of it all.  The kids appreciated it.


For Hallowe'en we always leave something simmering slowly and quietly on the stove while we trick or treat and then come back and eat it later.  Usually this quiet, simmering thing is usually chili.  I did in fact make a kickin' chili but I was hankering for something else as well... and as I've already mentioned, I didn't have time for the baking 'hanker'.


So, in honour of my first cabbage of the season, I pulled out the bacon and things just came together from there.  This is so easy I feel kind of lame putting it out here.  It tastes so good though that you'll understand exactly why I did.  I should add that this is my first parsnip haul of the season as well and it should be noted that here, at the end of October, marks me finally and fully embracing a new season.  Braised until it melts in your mouth, caramelised onion and chewy bacon.  Makes you want to curl up on the couch with a blanket, a glass of wine, a magazine and a good movie... and a snuggler.  In fact, once the kids were in bed, that's exactly what I did.  Baking be damned.


Braised Cabbage with Bacon and Mushrooms
serves 4

5 cups cabbage cut into 2 inch slices (i.e. thick)
1/2 cup onion, diced
4 - 5 slices of bacon, diced
2 small parsnips, thinly sliced
2 - 3 cups mushrooms (I used button for this), halved
3 tbsp soy sauce or tamari
2 tbsp honey

Heat a large, heavy bottomed pot over medium heat.
Add in 2 tbsp of oil and the bacon.  Cook for just a minute then add in the onion.  Cook for about 3 - 4 minutes.  Turn the heat down to med/low and add in the cabbage and the parsnips.  Cook together for another 5 - 7 minutes or until the cabbage begins to soften.
Add the mushrooms and soy sauce or tamari.  Stir well.
Turn the heat down a little again and let things simmer quietly for about 15 minutes.
Add in the honey and check the taste.  Adjust if necessary.
Serve.

There are about 5 things that I want to talk about in depth today.  I can't talk about all five.  They're just rolling around in my head - please tell me that I'm not the only one who has all kinds of crazy thoughts rolling around in their heads... please.  Sometimes it almost hurts.  Sometimes it's just easier to tune it out because I have too much that has to get done and not enough time to do it all and the stuff rolling around in there just makes the 'getting through' of it all the harder.
I've been reading this crazy-ass, awesome, terrifying book.  It's intense.  So intense that there have been times when I don't realize it until I turn the page but I've been holding my breath whilst reading.  Intense.  The mix of emotions runs from fear to frustration, despair to anger.  It's the kind of book that already by page two I knew I would have to read again.  Just the first chapter alone is worth the price of the book.
Then there is work.  I've been ramping up my game.  Getting myself out there more.  Getting my opinions out there more.  Throwing myself into the ring essentially.  What I've realised is that all of this good stuff that's going on means I have to work harder.  I have more responsibilities which require more time.  There are weeks when that is bearable and there are other weeks when it's a complete avalanche.  This week was an avalanche.
Then there is me still pining for summer.  Wishing that the temperatures were just a little warmer, wishing that I could still go out and pick tomatoes.  I'm trying to adjust my expectations but it's hard to motivate myself to get out there for a run or hop on my bike to work when it's cold and rainy.  I'm working on it.  I'm managing to wrap my head around fall and winter veggies again so I'm choosing to look at this as a positive start.
Then, while attempting to post my latest cookie endeavour I discovered that the photo host that google uses couldn't support any more pictures - it was full.  There had not been a notification or anything - it just stopped working.  Although I was totally bummed I set out to fix the problem.  Not being a super-techie it took me a couple of days and set me back with my posts last week.  I was totally bummed about that however, I've figured it out.


And finally, one of my best friends is moving away this week.  Not like another continent far but Toronto to Ottawa far.  Far enough.  Too far for me and I'm bummed about it but I'm trying to stay positive for him.  My other BFF KT has just gotten another beautiful baby to nurture for the next while.   So our plans to do a belated birthday celebration for the two of us (we didn't have a chance to celebrate either one of our birthdays when they really happened) - a day of just us - is going on hold.  Sure it's a bit of a drag but I'm determined to be happy for her because it's clear that giving these little babies a loving start is what is keeping her going these days.


So with these things 'rolling around' I made bread.  I've been using red fife for everything lately and I promise that in a near future post I will explain why I've fallen in love with using red fife so much.  This bread has combined my fave red fife, my love of honey and KT's favourite - Oats.  I was so sure that she would love it that I gave her the better part of one of my loaves.  She told me that this was by far the best bread I've given her yet.  That's cool.


Red Fife, Honey and Oats Bread adapted from epicurious
makes 2 loaves

2 1/2 cups Red Fife or Whole Wheat flour
2 1/2 - 3 cups unbleached all purpose flour
1 tbsp salt
2 cups milk
1 cup oats (not the 'quick cooking' stuff)
1/2 cup water
1 tsp honey
2 tbsp dry yeast (2 packages)
1/4 cup unsalted butter, melted
1/2 cup honey

Butter a bowl for rising and set aside.
Warm the milk just enough to feel warm but not simmering.  Remove from the heat and add in the oats.  Stir to combine.  Cool for about 7 - 10 minutes.  Once cooled slightly then add in the melted butter and 1/2 cup of honey.  Stir to combine.
Warm the water just a little warmer than luke-warm (no where near 'tea' water) and combine with 1 tsp of honey and the yeast.  Stir just to combine and set aside for about 5 minutes to get foamy and yeasty smelling (if it doesn't get foamy then it's no good - start the water thing over).
Combine the Red Fife flour and 2 cups of the all purpose together with the salt.
Once the yeast is all foamy and perfect add it to the milk and honey mixture.
Add all of the liquid to the flour and mix well to form into a wet dough ball.  Add a little more all purpose flour here if necessary.
Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for 6 - 10 minutes.  I ended up using about 3 cups of all purpose at the end of the day just to give you a ball-park for what you might find you need to add.  Add all purpose flour a little at a time and keep the surface lightly floured.  Once the dough ball  is firm but still a bit tacky to the touch place the dough into the buttered bowl.  Turn it over so that the whole ball has been greased.  Cover with a clean cloth and let rise in a warm, draft free spot (my oven with the oven light on) for anywhere from 1 - 1 1/2 hrs or until doubled in size.
Butter 2 med/sm loaf pans.
Punch it down and knead just enough to divide it into 2 balls.  Form each into a loaf shape and place into a buttered loaf pan.  Cover each and let rise for another hour - or until doubled in size.
Preheat oven to 375˚F.
(Optional: Brush with beaten egg and sprinkle with oats)
Bake the bread for about 35 - 40 minutes or until nicely golden brown and sounds hollow when you knock on it.
Let it cool for 15 - 20 minutes before slicing.

It's time to talk about birthdays.  If you've been reading any of the drivel that I manage to churn out two or three times a week then you'll know by now that birthdays are important for me.  I can go without any other gift giving holiday without blinking... but not the birthday.  I've always wondered at people who don't celebrate, don't feel like it's a big deal, don't care or (horror of horrors) simply forget.  I've wondered if it's age, if it's nature, if it's nurture (you know I had to go there).  I never took long to wonder about it before moving on to think some more about my own birthday.  Then a funny thing happened...
Last year was really not a great year for us.  Finances were down... way down.  This is not irregular in a house with two musicians.  Might be a little more irregular in a house with two lawyers, right?  Either way, we were kinda crunched.  My last birthday I didn't really have the spirit in me to do anything big. Too much other stuff going on, too tired, too broke and quite frankly, I just didn't need anything.  Then our anniversary rolled around and we didn't remember until we got a card in the mail from my Mom.  It just totally passed us by.  I think that was the point when I realized that I had made a significant paradigm shift around presents and stuff.
So when this birthday came around (almost a month ago - I'm sorry) I knew exactly what I wanted to do.  I didn't want any big jewellery or bags or clothes or shoes or furniture or... I wanted chocolate.  That's all I asked for.  Chocolate.


Chocolate from this place.  I love it but I never get there.  It's not far but just far enough for me not to get there as much as I would like.  So D got me chocolate.  Flourless chocolate cake, chocolate truffles, chocolate with red pepper and salt, old fashioned chocolate and two more bars of amazing, gorgeous dark chocolate.  I'm pretty sure that they had to significantly restock after D left the place.  I was thrilled and determined to do something amazing with some of that chocolate.


Well, here it is... something amazing.  Cookies.  They're gorgeous and I'm happy.  I feel like I've celebrated my birthday all over again.  Rich goes without saying but that's ok because you don't want to eat a lot of these.  You want to savour them lovingly.  I made them with dark chocolate chunks because, well it's my party and I'm into simplicity at the moment.   You can use whatever you would like on the inside of yours.  So long as the quality is top notch 'cause that will make a huge difference with these.


Chocolate Brownie Drops adapted from Alice Mendrich in 'Hello' Magazine
makes about 2 doz med/small cookies

4 tbsp unsalted butter, cut into chunks
8 oz dark chocolate (at least 70% cocoa solids), chopped
1/3 + 1 tbsp unbleached all purpose flour
1/8 tsp baking soda
1 cup (less 2 tbsp) sugar
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 lg eggs
3/4 cup dark, milk or white chocolate, chopped

Preheat oven to 350˚ F - make sure that your racks are place in the top and bottom thirds of the oven.
Line a cookie sheet or two with parchment or a silicon liner.
Get a small amount of water barely simmering in a pot that is wide enough to have a bowl set over it.  In a heat proof bowl add the butter and 8 oz of dark chocolate together.  Stir until it's just melted and warm.
Whisk together the flour and baking and set aside.
Once the chocolate/butter is ready whisk in the sugar, salt and vanilla.  Add in the eggs and whisk until completely mixed.  Add the flour and continue stirring (wooden spoon is recommended here) until the batter starts to pull away from the sides of the bowl and is glossy smooth.  Making sure that the batter is completely cooled stir in the last of the chocolate (if the batter is warm then... yeah, it will melt).
Spoon by tbsp's onto the prepared cookie sheet leaving some room to expand between the cookie mounds.
Bake for 10 - 12 minutes or until the surface has cracked but it still has some give when you press it gently.
Place on cooling racks and store in air tight containers.